CoaT #10 - Tricking the trickster...

Chronicles of a Trickster
10. Tricking the trickster in ten fun, easy steps!

No matter how many times you try from skilled hero, to the most hapless twit, no one has ever taken on Launa in the one thing that makes her what she is, her insatiable appetite for playing with the mortals in games to think they can take on three rounds with the mistress. Often people learned a lot of hard lessons, lost money and even their lives dancing the devil with the cat but now and then a lucky few often can pull a fast one and live to tell the tale let alone record for future reference. There are the top ten events of where she has more than often dropped her guard and becomes the victim to what she loves the most.



Step One: Food

Launa has a variable appetite, really amazing for someone her size ranging from a single portioned meal for one, to a meal that can feed twenty people, have the most healthiest meal fit for an athlete to a meal set that looks like it was drowning in lard and can turn blood into slime but no matter what she eats or how she does it there are three things or derivatives of that she seriously has to stay away from as they can nuke her entire g.i tract: Cabbage, Beans and Goat's Milk. There are several incidents where she had ordered a big meal without having any idea what they have in them until it was too late.

One night a large field party Launa was challenged to a Salad Chowdown but a previous victim has heard from the grapevine that she had a negative effect against cabbage and betting on the fact that most can't tell a cabbage leaf from that of lettuce shredding a few leaves into the mix was all that it takes. As the preparer watches Launa take on three big bowls of salad compared to the others who look like they had their fill of other foods for a long time he couldn't help himself but smiled for what is about to happen but what he didn't expect of how severe it would go. At first as usual, she was fine and victorious before suddenly clutching her stomach, the rumbling and bloating was so severe, by the time she reached to one of the port-o-pottys, Launa's bloated belly appeared as if she was pregnant with twenty babies. Trying to shove herself in while her belly begins to bloat around her she tensed with all she has got and the last thing the joker, and probably hundreds of fair goers winding up in the hospital after an massive explosion from the port-o-pottys left a horrendous stench that knocked people out and killed dozens of birds for a hundred miles.

As for Launa she was back home preparing a 5-gallon bucket of water and a hundred packs of alka-seltzer to chug down after her stomach and intestines took on such abuse like she had swallowed a bomb of gas. That was one meal that she's going to stave off for a long time.



Step Two: Logic Bomb

Launa hates logic, not that she doesn't like it in a sense that interferes with her magic but conversational logic that often results in her losing the conversation with a vengeance these are called "logic bombs" and often the well-educated or outright assholes would use this against her it usually starts off with a conversation about a challenge that the victim wants to take on but slowly it turns into a cauldron of philosophy and logical epithets that quickly leads up to what can come down to as "headexplody" logic where the paradoxes and contradictions so great that you become frustrated or blew out all sense of logic weaponry you got.

Launa has suffered more than often a few logic bombs and one that actually did made her head explode but that as just to scare the mortals off but more than often can piss her off that something so simple as logic can bring her down.


Step Three: Look before you leap

This is more of a self-inflicted fault rather than inflicted by others and it started off in one instance where he helped a college student with a simple prank that involves making train sounds, a flashlight and the luck that the victim is asleep in order to make them. But Launa scoffed at that idea because it's below her for someone of her caliber to even touch so she decides to take it to the next level. Get the person to be sleep and at the right moment to wake him up on real train tracks when a approaching "mile-long" locomotive comes screaming towards him.

When the poor sap screamed for mercy the train miraculously got off the next track thanks to an active switch that changed on time before it can hit him. The student and Launa were both laughing their heads off but she was the one that was laughing the hardest so much she wasn't paying attention to the fact that she was walking into the next line where she got hit by a high-speed passenger train and disappears which was bad since she can't be there when the roommate is going to kill the student.


Step Four: Be kind to your underlings

There hasn't been a moment where Launa can be a total obnoxious, bratty bitch underneath the benevolent, compassionate and regular self. She has gotten herself in more jams because of 'one of those days' can have its affects on the underlings. The everyday Joes and Janes what their existence is easily forgotten after meeting with them but Launa has a rap sheet of the stuff that invoked the wrath of the underlings and ranged from busted having foot spat on to busted skulls from workers unions who she messed with over petty things such as being served a tea and got dumped on with a big bowl of ice water or being obnoxious to a college student taking a job as a waitress only to find out she is a weredragon (see "How to tip your Waitress") and end up with slash marks and a broken leg.


Step Five: Switcheroorama or A little something extra

Challenges are the name of the game where Launa can pit herself against someone who can go three rounds. But being very skilled to win by whatever means necessary even cheating. In one eating contest at a Texas grill Launa challenges a long-time truck driver and champion who had the hots for her and wants to go on a dance for an upcoming country dance. Launa takes her up on his challenge and it was a hot-wing chowdown. Who ever can wolf down the most of the volcano-wings wins but one of the kitchen staff was none other than the college student who was the poor victim of the train-bed prank and was asked to serve up the wings. He gave the driver regular hot wings and Launa the same thing except with a special arrangement of spices and drenched them with a vile of pure capsaicin he took from the campus science lab.

Launa chowed down on the wings against the driver it only took twenty seconds until she crashed through the wall of the restaurant screaming like a banshee and finding a cow to suck off from the teets. When the crowd gathered around Launa she was lying on the ground with her tongue let out and the poor cow was nearly skin and bones. Moments later she was sharing a dance with the driver looking ridiculous not because she lost the challenge not because of the appropriate duds she was wearing for the dance but because of he mouthful of cotton she had stuffed in her mouth with numbing agents to stave off the pain.


Step Six: Fun with peroxide crystals

Roommates for better or worse can be a great blessing or a curse depending on how things work out on the long run. Launa learned this lesson with Sabrina a tough-as-nails but well tend-to muscle-bound werewolf who has more than than her battles with her over many things. She was upset because Launa ate her last full chicken she was saving for lunch so in retaliation took place when after coming from a long day of work Launa decides to take a long sitting bath. Sabrina took the time to set up the bath for her and curiously thanked her. Not giving a moment to think of why she would do this until after she got out of the tub. Feeling fully relaxed until she looked down and screamed in shock that her beautiful black pelt below her nipple line is stained blonde. Looking at the bubble bath mix she finds out that it was full of peroxide crystals. It did not took a long time for her to get in the mood for a good ass-kicking in the nude with Sabrina taking no time to do the same for her lost lunch.



Step Seven: Victorian figure

Victorian England, a time where ladies dresses have been remarked as being the most beautiful but exaggerated forms and figures that are made to attract the right male. Launa in her pre-muscled form took on the look especially those that have taken in the thin waistline. For starters she took on a form that looked very much like an hourglass and used her magic to give herself a more full backside and a much more plentiful bosom for the highlight of her form knowing that even in those civilized times there will always be a few fickle males that are interested with the bountifulness of the female breasts.

But at one social gathering Launa soon finds herself surrounded by more and more women who had more delicate features than herself so again with her magic she makes her waist thinner, butt and thighs thicker and her chest more bigger and heavier until she really stood out well in the crowd and gathered the most men to fall to her every whim. But it was going to be a matter of time before the weight of her massive breasts took it's toll on her midsection in one dance where "he dipped and she cracked" Trying to walk home with your body bent backwards at a ninety-degree angle because of a broken spine wasn't an easy task. How did she get tricked in this? Like in step three, you just got to be better than her in order for her to catch up. So it's jealousy can can do the job.


Step Eight: Strength Play

Launa and her forms take on the role of professional bodybuilders. Made millions off endorsement deals and none of the people who support her are more the wiser of how much the real one packed on, Maybe it was fear, maybe the shallowness of male and female alike that will take her for a over-muscled male but it didn't stop her from making her rounds and getting the results she wants without the tempting use of magic, Launa loves to feel the burn. One night she was in the mood to really push the limit and applied her dense-shifting magic on a large set of barbells and really pumps the iron.

With every rep she can feel the power surging through her thick, sinewy arms and couldn't help it feel them expanding bit by bit until she can make over a thousand reps with a now augmented four-hundred ton set. Out of nowhere two punk kids walked on by at the time she makes her thousandth rep and decide to do the unthinkable. Launa meanwhile can feel the serious burn to the point where she can make a victorious war cry, the "burn" of pumping iron never felt so good, it would have been more if she can also drop the set before the two boys arrived. Launa couldn't felt to see that her arms are stuck in place, it never happened to her before to simply lock up in place but it was more than enough for the two boys to do what they want to her. Launa warned them of the consequences of their actions but they claim it would be worth it as one of them simply placed a finger on her forehead and push within seconds, four hundred and one tons of metal and muscle crashed through the floor with ease. Opportunity is the name of the game of pulling a fast one against Viander.


Step Nine: Chemical Warfare and the power of drunken idiots

Chemistry is vital in witchcraft when making potions and antidotes as well as certain chemical substances that are vital for the success or failure of the task. For Launa, she discovers a new chemical mixture that is called "exploding paint". It's a simple mixture of chemicals that forms the compound nitrogen triiodide. When the paint dries, it becomes a very unstable exploding mess that goes off even with a simple touch. Launa made hers more powerful and that it would dry instantly under two conditions, direct contact and exposure to air and has plans to make use of her special mixture against unsuspecting victims. But placement of the mixture would prove her biggest mistake.

On that night she placed the mixture next to some paint cans and waits for the right moment to use it. When from behind her a painter who came from a bar and had one too many beers comes to take in one of the paints. Little did the painter realizes that he took the mixture instead of is own paint and loaded it up along with a few plates to take up to a wall for a mural. The painter coated a few of the plates with the special paint and stopped because he couldn't take the smell thinking that the paint has gone too far bad. So he decides to get off the platform and get some fresh air. Little did he know that the platform was rickety and soon fell apart, dropping all of the contents. Launa was ready to strike but finds out that she lost the mixture, just as quickly as finding out the answer in a series of exploding porcelain plates falling around her. As for the mixture that fell off the platform and splattered on top of her.

Launa can't move without exploding but it will take hours for the stuff to loose it's strength sadly that didn't last too long as the painter's hat, hanging off the pipe of the platform falls off and lands on her head setting off her paint coated body in a massive explosion. She survived but her dignity didn't


Step Ten: Murphy ought to be shot!

Murphy's law, the classic rule of life that states "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong". The history of pranks and other schemes of calamity conducted by the trickster goddess there hasn't been a event of her life that a simple setup can go horribly wrong at moment's notice ether by her own fault, or the fault of others. Looking back at case files she can always look back an laugh at these situations. She rarely does so because most of them often end with wrath-induced beatdowns. Her latest situation is more close to home as Launa took some time clean around the complex which includes cleaning the 'dragon oven'. With enough room to fit herself in she took a hard wire brush and scrubbed it down with all her might. The part of Murphy's law came in when Sabrina along with her other roommate, A raven girl named Azrelle came in and are starving for something big little did they realize that when the came across the dragon oven Sabrina had the unfortunate notion of recreating a scene out of Hansel & Gretel.

Deaf to her hard rock she took out a three-hundred pound slab of meat and shoved it into the oven with Launa still inside. With the oven turned up to full blast Launa bared the blasts of flame reaching up to levels hot enough to melt metal. Azrelle can easily hear the sounds of door banging and cat-like screams before she breaks the door open and a severely charred Launa to burst out of the doorway with a wall of flame following suit. Took a few seconds to heal up but less than that for Launa to take Sabrina's slab and stick it in her own personal moon.