literature

Exact Change

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He watched a crane haul the twisted wreck of the bus from the Breaker Street canal. Water erupted from shattered windows and the holes where headlamps used to be. A thin stream poured from the front bumper, reminding Ray of that water slide he'd taken his grandkids to last summer.

A thin, brown forearm dangled from a window. He recognized a henna tattoo. She'd hopped aboard every Tuesday and Thursday on the way to her night classes. What the hell was her name? Dove? Duvet?

"Divya." She stood next to him, watching the bus rise dripping from the canal. "I'm Divya. Told you that a couple days ago, and a couple days before that."

"Sorry. Memory's not what it used to be."

She shrugged. "No worries. Aren't you curious, though?"

"About?"

"About why we're not in there?" She waved at the bus.

He hadn't been, but Ray nodded anyway. He glanced down at Divya's arm, at her tattoo. The front of the bus was too mangled to make out the driver's seat.

He tried to think back. Ray had driven the route for the past five years. Follow Breaker to the wharf, back up Trelaine, cut across through the park to downtown, then up Stuyvesant to the windswept office parks and empty parking garages.

"I think we're dead." She leaned over to look at his shirt, "Raymond."

"Ray," he muttered. "Nobody calls me Raymond anymore."

"Whatever. What do you think?"

"About?"

"Shit, Ray. We're dead! Doesn't that freak you out?"

Ray shrugged his answer. The fight was on TV later. He'd miss that, he guessed.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"Shouldn't we, you know, call somebody or something?"

"You got a phone?"

Divya reached down to dig in her bag. She didn't have her phone. She didn't have a bag, either.

A bright light caught their attention. A few feet away, a very earnest young man in a soaking-wet, half-untucked dress shirt was talking into a TV camera. "Witnesses say the bus swerved suddenly and broke through the barrier to plummet into the canal. At this time, authorities aren't saying how many might have survived, but the bus was under water for at least forty-five minutes."

Ray noticed it was raining. Cats and dogs. He then noticed he wasn't wet.

"Why'd you drive off the road?"

"I need to walk," he said, and he did. Divya followed. They both followed the canal, twisting through the heart of town, until the reflections of lights from the emergency vehicles finally faded. The rain fell in sheets, sideways. Ray dimly remembered the news before his shift. Remnants of a storm, coming up north from the coast.

"There was a kid," Ray finally said.

"A kid?"

"In the road. I panicked, I guess. Yanked the wheel to the side, and went over."

"A kid? Out in this? It's like, ten at night now."

He didn't say more. He didn't say what the child looked like, didn't talk about her little blue dress he'd given her for Easter.

There was a shout from down below, barely audible over the rain. "What's that?" Divya asked. "It's coming from the canal."

Ray turned and followed Divya's pointing. Coming up the canal was a flat-bottomed, metal fishing boat with a Coleman lantern set on the front. A huge fan-engine dominated the rear, but it wasn't on. A solitary figure stood in the middle of the boat, poling it to the edge of the water. Whoever it was wore a wide-brimmed hat and a red flannel shirt. Nothing was wet. The rain wasn't even filling up the boat.

"Hey!" It was a woman. "You Raymond? Divya? Bus crash up yonder?"

Divya started to ask something, but Ray interrupted. "Yeah. We're them."

"Good. Get in." She poled the boat to an access stairway, and picked up the lantern.

"Get in?" Divya set her hands on her hips. "Who the fuck are you?"

"Sharon. I'm here to pick you up. You got four bits, right?"

"Pick us up? Like hell," Divya said, but Ray dug around in his pockets, and came away with two quarters in his palm. One dated 1938, the other 2010.

"Divya. Check your pockets."

She looked like she'd rather punch him, but she did as he asked, and came away with two quarters of her own.

"What years are they?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Read 'em. What years on the quarters?"

Divya sighed.  "Uh, this one's brand new and this one is nineteen eight..."

She looked at him with eyes the size of sewer caps. "Nineteen eighty two." That's when I was born."

"Yeah. Why don't you give those to Sharon, there. She'll take you home."

Divya looked at the woman in the boat, who nodded.

"Ray, you sure about this?"

Ray smiled. "I been givin' people rides most of my life, girl. What you got there is your last fare. Exact change."

Divya looked at him, at the boat, at Sharon, at the rain-swept streets. She started to descend the thin stairway to Sharon's boat. She turned.

"What about you?"

"Ain't goin'."

Sharon adjusted her hat brim. "Only one chance, sugar. I leave you here, you're here 'til the Man comes back."

"I take it that'll be a while?"

"Could be."

He looked at Divya. "I gotta know about that kid in the road. I got some little ones to watch over. You go on."

Divya didn't know what to say, so she handed over her quarters, and stepped aboard the steel fanboat. "Take care, Ray."

"You too. I see you someday, maybe."

Sharon shipped her pole and hand-started the boat's propeller. The city slept on around them.

The old woman saluted Ray. Divya waved at him, and the fanboat roared down the canal toward the river proper.

Ray pocketed his four bits, whistled a tune his granddaughter used to love, and ambled off toward the lights of Trelaine Street.
Another one from Flash Fiction Month 2010 that I'm lifting out of Scraps for polishing.

It's short (990 words at first brush), so it's heavy on the vague. I'm interested to know where it could be fleshed out without overpadding. Right now it seems more like a beginning than a full story, so I'm calling it a vignette for now.

Thanks to those who have already weighed in. :heart:

UPDATE 2-21-11: Enough people have asked about this that I thought I should clarify - "Two Bits" is an old colloquial term for 25 cents (United States currency). So, "four bits" would then be two quarters. Here's more if you want more: [link]
© 2010 - 2024 Memnalar
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KreepingSpawn's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star: Impact

Another masterful reimagining of classic mythology. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt=":)" title=":) (Smile)"/>
At this rate i think you could seriously consider publishing a collection of short stories - modern myths.


It is not clear why Divya re-introduces herself to Ray at the begining, it seems she is reading his thoughts. Is this intentional? Also, she seems a social, friendly person, I feel like she should already know his name – and would remember it – so she shouldn't need to read it off his uniform.

The peculiar emphasis on the news man's dialogue seems unwarranted. I think the only phrases which really require emphasis here are 'under water' and maybe 'forty-five minutes.'

Raymond takes everything in stride. I know there are some people like that, but it's a little bit of a stretch with something this extreme. Perhaps a couple little details of how the realization sinks in - or how he rationalizes his non-reaction would make it more believable. Or maybe he's experienced far, far worse some time in his past?

How does 'four bits' translate to 2 quarters?
At first I took it to mean four bits total fare - two bits apiece. but then at the end Raymond puts 'four bits' back in his pocket.

I very much like how you changed Charon to Sharon. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/w/w…" width="15" height="15" alt=";)" title=";) (Wink)"/>
And the concepts of the ferry[wo]man's toll being paid in coins dated for your birth and death is inspired.

This piece reminds me of Neil Gaiman's American Gods and the appealing [to me] idea that all mythology and magic is still deeply rooted in our world, it's only changed its glamour and therefore can be hard to recognize.

You have a gift for creating comfortable characters - that is, characters who are well established even before the story begins. As such, when I read your characters, I know their lives go on a long way before and beyond the story you're sharing. This makes them more real to me.

I get the impression that Raymond is a divorcee or even a widower, who still cares for his children and grandchildren, but mostly lives alone, and builds his life around simple things like 'the fight' that give him something to look forward to.

Divya seems social, engaged, and hopeful in a way Ray has lost, or given up. I think she has a bright future, and a lot of things in motion which are cut short by this death, which might explain her more obvious distress at the realization.

Overall you have a very solid foundation for expansion, strong characters, and a clear vision of where this story wants to go next. I look forward to reading more! <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/w/w…" width="15" height="15" alt=";)" title=";) (Wink)"/>