Sonic's Response to Eggman

Dear Eggshit,

I literally laughed when I saw a letter from you, are you serious? I hope it's not another invitation to your lame party, last year blowed chunks!  I read the letter now…

…Heh!  I made a fortune off my story (even though my gaming system failed) but hey!  I still got 6 houses, 3 boy-err…girl friends, and I have 13 cars too!  And I don't even drive them!  I even buy baseball caps and keep the stickers on them, I'm a gansta!

Eggbreath, let's face it, I was young havin' a good time and you started being uncle douchebag, so there came the story!  You are an evil scientist as far as it goes for the world!  I gave you a boner by rubbing my nose??  God, you are pathetic!  How can you even get a boner when your pants are so tightly wrapped around your gut?  Seriously, you are fat dude.  You don't even have a neck.  Can you even see your toes when you look down?  I bet you lay down in bed to put your pants on, haha!

Also…Mario?  He doesn't have nothing on me!  While he is playing every sport in the book, I'm getting my dick sucked!  The werewolf thing was baddas-cool and you know it!
I will come to your party, and for FREE because I'll get Shadow to come.  Will I rough up his chest fluff- what the hell is wrong with you?
…I will do it if you stage a mistletoe above Tails while I'm walking by.  And I don't want any paper work on this!
                                                                                                                       -Sonic

P.S. – Keep your chode in your pants this year, please….