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Daily Deviation
Daily Deviation
September 17, 2011
Anthropomorphism for Beginners by =TwilightPoetess is an absolutely charming way to approach an endearing subject.
Literature Text
I found Grandma on the street today
reborn as a rock.
I didn't recognize her at first
without her turquoise-rim glasses
or her always-falling-out-in-public teeth;
she was standing in the gutter on her bald,
lopsided head.
Mom tells me Grandma's gone to nag God into slaughtering spiders
and taking the farts out of vegetables,
but if you squint your eyes and tilt your head,
you can see Grandma's crooked nose--
the one that she broke
playing badminton last year--
and the way her eyes crinkle at the corners
when she talks about cheating
to beat me at checkers.
And it's just like Grandma to come back as a rock;
Mom's always called her a stubborn old crook,
and it looks like Grandma's holding a bag of stolen money
under her billowing Hippie-Days shirt sleeves
if you turn her just slightly to the right.
I think I'm gonna keep her in my bedroom.
Just in case.
reborn as a rock.
I didn't recognize her at first
without her turquoise-rim glasses
or her always-falling-out-in-public teeth;
she was standing in the gutter on her bald,
lopsided head.
Mom tells me Grandma's gone to nag God into slaughtering spiders
and taking the farts out of vegetables,
but if you squint your eyes and tilt your head,
you can see Grandma's crooked nose--
the one that she broke
playing badminton last year--
and the way her eyes crinkle at the corners
when she talks about cheating
to beat me at checkers.
And it's just like Grandma to come back as a rock;
Mom's always called her a stubborn old crook,
and it looks like Grandma's holding a bag of stolen money
under her billowing Hippie-Days shirt sleeves
if you turn her just slightly to the right.
I think I'm gonna keep her in my bedroom.
Just in case.
Literature
House on my Head
I grew a house on my head.
I populated it with animals:
a mouse for a housekeeper,
a lizard in the kitchen cooking eggs,
a butler wolf whistling and saying 'sir',
a chinchilla to sweep rooms' corners,
a giraffe wiping windows,
a black Labrador pup to clear the chimneys.
The house is old fashioned but it runs to time.
A sloth winds the clocks;
a badger delves the vegetable patch.
Everyone gets on fabulously
and will eat eggs together at breakfast,
gossiping about the awful state of my head:
how the tubes in my brain need scrubbing out,
you can tell because the plumbing gurgles
and the lights in the attic flicker at unexpected h
Literature
Senryu Series 11
1.
election day
choosing the devil
I know
2.
first date
her parents question
our future
3.
road trip
the kids unpack
a squabble
4.
massage therapy
another old knot
of heartbreak
5.
deep recession
I add more spice
to the ramen
6.
televangelist
available on Itunes
salvation
7.
job well done
from the boss...
blue moon
8.
18th birthday
a postcard
from the army
9.
cemetery
even here
the poor section
10.
midnight diner
everyone feeds
the jukebox
11.
haunted house
we let the youngest
go first
Literature
if this world makes you crazy.
Three days before his third birthday, my brother's computer started misbehaving.
-
He was small at birth, our little illegal boy was, and ugly as day.
Although the world's resources crumbling to its knees, no one could have denied my mother of her "accidental" embryo, even while They broke into houses and took women to the quack doctor to eliminate any suspicious growths "in the name of the law". We went through geneticists and neurologists, trying to fit an old computer from Grandma's time into the next generation. We dug deep into emergency stashes and back-up loans and "30310's College Fund", and came up with just enough to satisfy one
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For 's June Poetry Prompt:
Between 5-15 lines, write a poem fitting the title 'Anthropomorphisation for Beginners'.
This is 24 lines, but SHHHHH! Don't tell anyone.
***EDIT***
My first DD! Thank you SO much and !
Critique Questions:
1. Did I use anthropomorphism correctly here? It says that attributing human characteristics to material objects is one definition of the word...what do you guys think? Should I do different characteristics for the Grandma rock?
2. What do you think of this piece in general? Does it work? Does it not?
June 2011
Between 5-15 lines, write a poem fitting the title 'Anthropomorphisation for Beginners'.
This is 24 lines, but SHHHHH! Don't tell anyone.
***EDIT***
My first DD! Thank you SO much and !
Critique Questions:
1. Did I use anthropomorphism correctly here? It says that attributing human characteristics to material objects is one definition of the word...what do you guys think? Should I do different characteristics for the Grandma rock?
2. What do you think of this piece in general? Does it work? Does it not?
June 2011
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Comments228
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I like the idea behind this, and I reckon you fit with the prompt idea very well, giving the rock characteristics of a human. I get the feeling that the narrator is a rather young-ish child, between 9 and 12 years old, as around that age they'd be quite happy to keep a pet rock in their room. Plus in the stanza 'mom tells me...', the fact that that's the way her mother decided to explain to the narrator about what happened to grandma, it just makes me see this as the point of view of a child. Kids seem more likely to find a way of escaping from the loss of a loved one in such a way.
I love the way you've described the rock, changing the features to suit the angle and lighting of the rock. 'the way her eyes twinkle' I like this line, it really encourages the reader (namely me) to look deeper into the rock, as I suppose at a glance, twinkling eyes would be hard to see in a rock. Plus, your descriptions really clue into the personality of this grandma.
The only thing I can say about technique is mostly good, although some things I'm getting picky about is the grammar. 'And it's just like grandma' not the best there, unless you're trying to make it flow like spontaneous speech? Or her thoughts, instead of a diary entry. Other than that, it's all good.
I wonder, maybe you could have gone deeper on this, if it wasn't restricted to 15 (*ahem* 19) lines, maybe clued into the granny a bit more.
Either way, this is a good poem. and I love how it ends. Sorry if this was a little rubbish, it's my first time using the crit function. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="15" height="15" alt="" title=" (Big Grin)"/>