The Hoof Writer

HI BILLY MARE HERE WITH THE HOOF WRITER.

ARE YOU AN EARTH PONY? DO YOU SIT AT HOME WONDERING WHY YOUR MESSAGES ARE A JUMBLED MESS AND YOUR HOOVES ARE NO GOOD FOR WRITING? WONDER NO MORE!

INTRODUCING THE HOOF WRITER.

IT JUST STRAPS ON AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW YOU'RE WRITING FASTER THAN ANY ASSISTANT EVER COULD. NO MAGIC HORN NECESSARY!

YOU CAN PUT FEATHERS, PENS, PENCILS, MARKERS, ERASERS, AND MORE IN THE HOOF WRITER AND USE THEM LIKE THEY WERE A NATURAL PART OF YOUR HOOF.

BUT WAIT! CALL NOW AND I'LL DOUBLE THE ORDER. YOU WILL GET TWO HOOF WRITERS. NOW YOU CAN WRITE TO YOUR MOTHER AND TO YOUR TEACHER AT THE SAME TIME! DOUBLE WRITING ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE PARCHMENT!

I'M NOT DONE YET! CALL NOW AND I'LL THROW IN A LIMITED SUPPLY OF SPECIAL HOOF WRITING INK FOR FREE! THIS IS ONLY AVAILABLE FOR A LIMITED TIME SO ORDER NOW!

*Product does not include feathers, pens, pencils, markers, erasers, and more. These are sold separately.
**Product is not intended to be used while intoxicated or while flying.
***Product currently not available for sale in Fillydelphia and the greater Fillydelphia region.
****Some generals in armies have this many stars.


(R.I.P. Billy Mays.)

Edit: Because some people don't bother reading the first few comments.

HI BILLY MARE HERE WITH A SOLUTION!

ARE YOU HAVING TROUBLE STRAPPING ON YOUR NEW HOOF WRITER? DO NOT WORRY FOR THE HOOF WRITER VELCRO IS HERE!

NOW STRAPPING ON YOUR HOOF WRITER IS A BREEZE.