Texting: Part Four

SH: Bored.

JW: I'm eating dinner with Sarah. Hack my computer and update your website or something.

SH: But I have not had any good cases in a while and thus am bored... Hope you don't need your pillow.

JW: What have you done this time?

(...)

SH: I'm behind bars. Scotland Yard got a bit jumpy and so when I came on the scene... Bring a cake with a metal file.

JW: Are you serious? How is it you still have your phone? Cake? Not pie with a laser or a crumpet with a lock pick? What flavor would you prefer?

SH: Chocolate, though if you could find a laser I'd prefer that. And I told them I would rather text than have my phone call.

JW: And they let you? I'll bring chocolate but I can't guarantee the laser.

SH: Good. Surprisingly they did. I was joking when I said it too.

JW: Some people can't distinguish sarcasm from seriousness. What about Lestrade? Can't he do anything to get you out of there?

SH: He's not here. Across the city I think.

JW: No one has bothered to let him know? Are Donovan and/or Anderson behind this?

SH: Yes. Hurry up. The cell is annoying and people here don't know what sanitary means.

JW: Fine. I'll call Lestrade and get a taxi. I'll need to get the cake and tools first. And you never answered my question- what did you do to my pillow?

SH: It's been pumped full of lead, sleeping with the fishes, tamed, and other euphemisms for overall dead.

JW: Dear God? For what purpose?

SH: I was bored. Plus, it was research for gun residue...

JW: I'm at Tesco. Do you want a cake with one, two, or three layers?

SH: Any is fine- or rather, whichever is easiest to hide the shovel/file/laser/spoon.

JW: Three-layer it is then. Strangely- and thankfully- it's the cheapest. I'm getting in line. I'll text you when I'm on my way. You're being held at the station?

SH: Yes. That is odd the cake thing.

JW: I hope it tastes good. I think that it isn't fresh so they marked it down. Lestrade's on his way. I'm coming up the machine. Hope there isn't another row.

SH: I would rather have coffee actually. ?**.322 64!5 49*?4 1!h haven't slept in a while. 4(

JW: Coffee not tea? Half your text was in symbols and numbers. If this is a code or cipher I don't have the solution.

SH: Sorry- wrong button. I meant: I haven't slept for about three days. Moriarity and all. So yes, coffee. Espresso. Triple shot.

JW: Got it. Cake. File. Coffee. I'm getting in the cab now. The register was broken and my card declined- again so I had to sort things out at customer service. I'll get your coffee. See you soon.

SH: Imbeciles!

JW: At Tesco or the police station? I'm at Belladonna's Brews but the line is rather long. Would you have me wait here or go someplace else?

SH: Wherever they referred you to customer service.

JW: Tesco then. I'm still at Belladonna's. The line has barely moved but perhaps Alin might let me into the kitchen to make you something myself.

SH: Wait, what are you there for again, coffee?

JW: Yes coffee.

SH: Good. I'm dying.

JW: Alin let me in the kitchen but seemed loath to do so. I'm sure it was only loyalty to Ash... *Ahem.* Triple shot espresso?

SH: Yes. I'm dying!

JW: I'm on my way. Alin sends her regards- and one of those pastries you mentioned pairs quite well with coffee.

SH: What pastry? A scone? Vanilla I hope.

JW: Yes the very same. Alin's special recipe.

SH: Those were good. Hurry, the cells are getting cold. And I might be falling asleep. Still no sign of Lestrade. Come if inconvenient.

JW: I'm on my way.

SH: Finally! You take forever.

JW: Alin made me make some coffee for some customers.

SH: Lovely, hurry up.

JW: The cab is going as quickly as it can in this blasted traffic!

SH: Traffic, now?

JW: There's been a crash, it seems.

SH: Of all nights! Though that might explain Lestrade's absence.

JW: I just called him, and he indeed is.

SH: Dull...

JW: I got out of the cab and am walking there. I'm four blocks away.

SH: Four blocks? That is annoying. I'm hungry. And tired.

JW: What are you, a three-year-old?

SH: I've heard that before somewhere. But no. I am 30 not 3.

JW. That's because I've asked you this before- on NUMEROUS occasions. So have Lestrade and probably Mycroft, too. Here's the DI now. We're 2 blocks away

SH: Alright. You are slow. Has anyone told you that?

JW: Yes. YOU. Besides, pedestrian traffic is high because of the accident.

SH: Bored! Bored, bored, bored, bored!

JW: We're almost there. Lestrade is going ahead of me because it seems a pregnant lady has fallen and injured herself. I shall come when I've ascertained that she's fine.

SH: What are the chances. Really. What else could possibly detain you now? Because it probably will at this rate.

JW: Everything's gone wrong indeed. And there's more. She's giving birth. I'm staying with her until the ambulance comes. Did I say that I sent the food with Lestrade?

SH: No you did not- oh, I see him now anyway.

JW: Please tell me that he's letting you out, and I can just meet you at home.

SH: No. Currently he's laughing a bit. Gave me my coffee and the cake, though. There is a 95 per-cent chance he'll leave me here until you come, by the way things are looking.

JW: Truly? After I begged him to let you out! Is he trying to drive me mad? I may have to deliver the baby- traffic has blocked the street off. This may take awhile.

SH: Ugh! Who births a baby in the middle of the sidewalk? And I'm bored! Hurry up, you take forever.

JW: She had no choice! She wants this over as much as you do- I'll come when I can. Try entertaining yourself for once!

SH: How is it in your mind? To not be me? Must be entertaining, everything stimulating your brain to the degree of having your complete, uninterrupted attention. How dreadfully dull.

JW: Shut up!

SH: Night. See you later. I would rather have my nicotine patches though...

JW: Okay. Good night.

SH: I'm bored. I think I'll sleep now. Good night, see you later. Come soon.

JW: Your better off without them. Now GO TO SLEEP!

SH: You mean 'you're,' not 'your' in this case. And I would, if you didn't keep waking me up.

SH: And I would sleep if you didn't interrupt me! Do previously sent texts mean nothing to you or do you wipe the slate clean after you send a reply?

JW: You know 'what'? I believe you left out a word. And you keep texting me.

SH: Yes, but it seems that as soon as you send that immediate reply you forget the whole subject of the conversation and when I refer back to said subject you don't get it and thus a new, and increasingly long, explanation-message must then be then typed and sent.

JW: Your texts seems to demand a reply so I reply!

SH: Good night, truly this time. I've just been thrown a pillow and blanket and so- good night I say, good night, good night until it be morrow.

JW: Good night. The young woman has just been sent to the hospital. Do you want me to come get you?

SH: Sure. It would be hateful to wake up with a crick in my neck and back because of these very low-rate beds here at the station.

JW: I'm on my way. Why didn't you use the file? Did Lestrade take it out? I didn't tell him about it.

SH: No, it was there. I just got bored with it.

JW: I see... why am I not surprised?

SH: Because I'm tired. That's why!

JW: I'm coming in the station. I'll be there in a few minutes.

SH: Finally. You are one of the slowest people I know. Did you know that? Even slower then Mycroft.

JW: THAN Mycroft, Sherlock. Surely you of all people would know this. And I'm almost there! I had to talk with the officers first, show them my ID... which I had conveniently forgotten so then I had to call in Lestrade from upstairs to confirm I really am John Watson.

SH: Surely me of all people. I'm tired. I said as much before. The fact that you are still not here means you are still, slower than he is. Are you really so incompetent?

JW: I was on a date with Sarah, and then you suddenly text saying you're in prison. I was flustered. I've already asked her to drop my ID back at Baker Street. Don't even ask how I forgot it at her place.

(...)

JW: Alright, Sherlock, I'm here. Get your things... whatever they are. And please tell me that you've saved some of that cake for me!

SH: Yes, right. Saved some cake...