literature

Opening Up - A 'Rain' fanfic

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Blasphemous-Joy's avatar
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I love getting out of work early.
Earlier than expected, at least.  There was supposed to be a department meeting, but our department chair wasn't there, so everyone left early.
Normally, I drive Ryan home with me from school.  Today, however, because of the meeting, he had to take the bus.  I worried the first few times, but he's gotten comfortable with it.
I get back home at about 3:30.  On meeting days, I'm usually not home until 5:00, so Ryan should be surprised to see me.  I open the door, and announce "Hey, Ryan!  Guess who's -" when what I see makes me freeze mid-sentence.

Oh.  My.  God.  Standing up, right in front of the couch, is Ryan.  Wearing my clothes.  On his body, my dress.  On his feet, my heels.  On his face, my makeup.  And... did he shave his legs?
We're both frozen.  I don't know where to begin, and he looks guilty and terrified.  We just stare at each other for what feels like several minutes, until I break the silence.
"Ryan... what are you doing?"
"Aunt Fara!  It's - it's not what it looks like!"
"Well, that's a relief.  Because it looks like you're wearing my clothing!"
"Um... I... I..."  His face is beet red, probably due in equal parts to embarrassment and to the rouge on his face.
"Ryan.  I want to know what's going on.  Now."
That's when he does something I had never seen from him before, something I would never have expected.  He falls to the floor, on his knees.  And starts crying.

Ryan isn't a "tough guy", but he's always been reserved about his feelings.  Then again, that's how guys are, isn't it?  So, to see him on the floor, bawling his eyes out (and in a dress, no less!) leaves me a bit flabbergasted.  I do, however, remember what I need when I cry, so I grab the nearest box of tissues and sit down next to him.
"Ryan."  I put one hand on his back, touching the silk of my dress.  "Please, look at me."  He turns away, and sobs even harder.  "Ryan... it's okay.  Please, just... you know you can trust me.  So look at me."  He turns his face toward me, opening his eyes narrowly.  Tears stream from his eyes, leaving black trails of mascara down his cheeks.  His ruby red lips quiver with emotion.  It's hard to believe the boy in front of me is really my nephew.
I pick up a few tissues, and begin wiping the tears off his face.  I put one hand on his cheek, so that his eyes meet mine.  I put on the best smile I can - or at least I try, given the circumstances.  The crying slows, and, eventually, stops.

"Aunt Fara... I'm so sorry."  We are both sitting on the floor now: closer, it seems, than we've ever been since he started living here.
"Sorry for what?"  It would be easy to just accept his apology, but... I need to see where he's going with this.  I need to know why.
"For wearing your clothes... and for... (being this way)."  He finishes barely above a whisper.
"What do you mean by "this way"?"
"Well... I guess I should tell you that... (this... isn't the first time)."  I swear, if there had been a fly buzzing in the room, I wouldn't have heard him.
"You've worn my clothes before?"  I do my best to conceal my anxiety, and to make Ryan feel comfortable.
"Y-y-(yes).  Usually on your meeting days."
"Why?"  Now we're getting to the heart of it.
"Because that's when you're not here, and I always know - well, knew - when you'd get back."
I can't tell if he missed the point, or is playing dumb.  "No, Ryan.  What I mean is... why do you dress up in my clothing?"
He turns away from me, and I see tears start to form again in his eyes.  Oh, no.  I'm going too hard on him.  "Ryan-"
"It's because... it's the only time I really feel happy."
I can't believe it.  Even though Ryan's been through a lot, he's smiling almost every time I see him!  Was that... a lie?
"But how can that be?  I mean, you're always smiling!"
"Mom-"  Oh, no, here it comes.  "Mom told me to be b-brave, even when I'm really afraid, or sad, or confused.  This whole time. I've been smiling on the outside... for her."
I never imagined Ryan could be so deep, or so strong.  To lose his mother at so young an age, to have a secret quirk... and to be smiling through it all?  "It's okay, Ryan.  You can cry if you need to.  You don't need to pretend around me.  Your Aunt Fara's here for you."
"Th-thanks."
He has a few tears now - nowhere near the waterworks earlier - so I hand him a tissue.  "You're a very brave boy, Ryan."
He turns away.
"Don't be humble!  You've been through so much, but you still manage to keep up a smile?  You're a lot stronger than me, kiddo."
HE doesn't turn back, he just nods.  Suddenly, it comes to me.  Maybe it wasn't being called "brave" that troubled him, but...
"Ryan.  Are you upset from me calling you a boy?"
He's trembling now, clearly fighting off tears.  But he's able to work in a very erratic, and very slight, nod.  "It's alright, Ryan.  I'm here for you"  Again, I put my hand on his face, so that we're looking at each other.  "I'll always be here for you."  And with that, the floodgates reopen.

"I just... feel like I should be... (a girl)."  His voice is tiny now, but he hadn't been able to speak at all until most of his sobs passed.
Wow.  This is... huge.  I mean, I've heard of these sort of people before, but... my own nephew?  Could this really be happening to me?
"Go ahead, say it!  That you hate me for it!"  I am surprised by the sudden growth, and sense of anger, in his voice.  Then it hits me: if this is going to be hard for me, then it's going to be at least a hundred times harder on Ryan.  Not only to want to be something he's not, but to have to come out to me... he really is brave.  But right now, he needs me.
"Ryan.  I could never hate you.  ...I know we haven't always been that close, and we've only been together for a little over a year, but I love you.  And nothing is going to change that."
I look into his eyes.  Flames of anger and puddles of sorrow make way for sparks of hope.
"You mean... you're alright with it?"  I can hear the hope in his voice, as well.
"You wearing my clothes?  Sorry, no dice.  They're kind of, um, mine.  How would you feel if someone started gallivanting around in some of your clothes?"
Just like that, the joy is shattered, and his head hangs down.  "...Yeah, you're right.  I"m sorry, again.  I guess I can't keep this up."  Three, two, one...
"Which is why we'll need to go out shopping for you.  If you want to wear girl's clothes and makeup, they'll have to be your own."
His head fires up, and his eyes light up like candles.  "Do you mean it?  Like, seriously?"  Hard to believe that this unbridled bundle of joy was in tears just seconds ago.
"Listen, Ryan.  I don't understand why you're doing what you're doing, and I don't think you do either.  And I gotta admit, it still feels pretty weird to me.  But if this is something that makes you happy, or that you feel you need to do, I'll be backing you up, one hundred percent!"  It's strange to consider - shouldn't I be in shock? - but I really do mean what I say, one hundred percent.
"Aunt Fara!  I~um, er, I th-th, I mean-"  Before Ryan can finish, I capture him in a hug.
And he hugs me back.
Hi, everybody!

So, tomorrow marks the first anniversary of :iconlittlelynn84: posting the first page of her webcomic, "Rain"! What's that, you haven't read "Rain" before? Check it out at [link] RIGHT NOW!

So, what does that have to do with this? This, my dear children, is a fan fiction! Think of it as my birthday gift to Rain. Anyway, this story goes further in depth on a detail Lynn only wrote of briefly (and out-of-canon, at that!). You see, Rain (the main character of "Rain") is a pre-op male-to-female transsexual/transgender, formerly known as Ryan. After Ryan's mother died, he had to live with Aunt Fara (bless her soul!). This story details just how Aunt Fara discovered that Ryan is transsexual.

Note that, as with any fan fiction, I tried to make this story fit with canon as well as possible. However, it is NOT canon (only the author can do that!), so there's a very good chance that details will later be revealed in "Rain" that contradict some of what I've written here.

Anyway, this was really fun to write. It makes me feel that I should build my own characters, so I can create these same sort of situations (without leeching off another author, heh heh). I hope y'all (yes, I used "y'all". Is this going to be a problem?) enjoy reading, and feel free to tell me what you thing in the comments!

And, before I forget...
The story "Rain" and the characters Ryan and Fara all belong to *LittleLynn84. I make no claim of ownership.

EDIT: Thank you so much, Lynn, for mentioning this work and providing a link in your recent journal! A thank you as well, to those who bothered to follow the link! Most of this piece's views are due, undoubtedly, to Lynn's mention of it, so I am very grateful for that!
© 2011 - 2024 Blasphemous-Joy
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wingsofair's avatar
It actually fits in th real story, I believe. I Think this might come very close to the experience of a real crossdresser/transgender being found out.
Is this thanks to imagination or experience, or thanks to research or something like that?

I actually wanted to show you some of my own stories, but most of them are in dutch. the few english ones I made, are on my dev-page, but probably won't be finished, because the ideas of that story keep changing and evolving...