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Literature Text
Fury of the Frost Giants:
No mortal man can stand
Against the Giants of the Frost.
For they bear the strength of ages
And the wisdom of the lost.
When first we came upon them
We were scattered by their might.
The fury of a Giant
Was a truly fearsome sight...
Cowering in fear
And waiting to be eaten.
We knew in our hearts
That we were utterly beaten.
Salvation lay behind us
In a death of blood and steel.
Yet fate would always turn
On a twisted crooked wheel.
For we found a cave of ancients
Bearing symbols of the knife.
It led us to a forge
That demanded our life.
Fourteen brothers sacrificed
Into the flames they went...
Their flesh became the metal
As the bellows began to vent.
It yielded me a hammer
Made of grinding bone.
Yet when I swung this weapon
It crushed the toughest stone.
My life was paid in full that day;
With fourteen brothers dead...
I sailed alone for home
With a snarling giant's head.
"I will return when winter breaks brothers; for there are fourteen graves to mark..."
-Chen Yuan Wen, 6th April 2012
No mortal man can stand
Against the Giants of the Frost.
For they bear the strength of ages
And the wisdom of the lost.
When first we came upon them
We were scattered by their might.
The fury of a Giant
Was a truly fearsome sight...
Cowering in fear
And waiting to be eaten.
We knew in our hearts
That we were utterly beaten.
Salvation lay behind us
In a death of blood and steel.
Yet fate would always turn
On a twisted crooked wheel.
For we found a cave of ancients
Bearing symbols of the knife.
It led us to a forge
That demanded our life.
Fourteen brothers sacrificed
Into the flames they went...
Their flesh became the metal
As the bellows began to vent.
It yielded me a hammer
Made of grinding bone.
Yet when I swung this weapon
It crushed the toughest stone.
My life was paid in full that day;
With fourteen brothers dead...
I sailed alone for home
With a snarling giant's head.
"I will return when winter breaks brothers; for there are fourteen graves to mark..."
-Chen Yuan Wen, 6th April 2012
Literature
Anathema Maranatha
Your lips are blue
Your heart is black
You are my sin
My crooked back
You are the poor
You are the prevalent
You are my headache
And all that's malevolent
You are a chill
An icy breath
You are my sickness
The kiss of death
Literature
Survive
Whispers in my ear
Compel me to surrender.
But I will not hear;
I defy my contender.
Defeat is not an option;
There is no other way:
Survive against all odds
To die another day.
'Tis the oldest battlecry;
The only ultimatum.
Fight until you die—
Rather plain verbatim.
To be classified as "alive,"
Survive, survive, survive.
Literature
The Man Who Burns
I am too sterile and static
I can feel you walking away
Into the arms of the man who burns
But then again why would you stay
He is so young and beautiful
He lives life while I rehearse
Acting upon his desires
While I write about mine in verse
Our love was Russian roulette
Without bullets in the chamber
Passing the gun back and forth
Without any sense of danger
The fire in your heart has gone now
This cliché is not lost on me
Metaphorically I'm the water
That dampened our destiny
You said you would never leave me
But this contract was never binding
I want you to find your freedom
If there's a freedom worth finding
Bey
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AUTHOR'S COMMENT:
Arrr, second poem of Valhalla week. I didn't really want to go in depth with Thor and Odin just yet. Thought I would save it fer tha weekend ^^
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
OTHER POEMS BY ME:
Journey to Valhalla - [link]
Little Flower Girl - [link]
Bringer of the Night - [link]
White Lily Girl - [link]
The Sanguinary Offering - [link]
The Legendary Thunder Wolf - [link]
OTHER LITERATURE BY ME:
SANGUINE Chapter 1 - 1 - [link]
Arrr, second poem of Valhalla week. I didn't really want to go in depth with Thor and Odin just yet. Thought I would save it fer tha weekend ^^
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
OTHER POEMS BY ME:
Journey to Valhalla - [link]
Little Flower Girl - [link]
Bringer of the Night - [link]
White Lily Girl - [link]
The Sanguinary Offering - [link]
The Legendary Thunder Wolf - [link]
OTHER LITERATURE BY ME:
SANGUINE Chapter 1 - 1 - [link]
© 2012 - 2024 WordOfChen
Comments92
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Vision: 4&1/2/5
The poem highlights the importance of courage and Kin through simple language. You've done a great job of translating the ancient myth into terms modern day people can understand.
Originality: 4/5
I feel that some of the images and sensory details surrounding the Speaker (Thor?) could have been more vivid. I didn't really feel drawn into the moment or that I was escaping into a different reality.
Technique: 4&1/2/5
Line 33
"I will return when winter breaks brothers; for there are fourteen graves to mark..."
I believe that this line would be stronger if you ended the poem with a couplet, or a two line stanza. Keeping the quotation as it's own line adds a lengthy visual to a mostly fast paced poem with shorter lines.
Unlike in Journey to Valhalla, I think that using the quotation at the end of this piece creates a strong ending. It shows the cultural importance of strength and battle while at the same time highlighting the importance the pre-Christian culture put on Kin and Society.
Revision Suggestion:
"I will return when winter breaks, brothers
for there are fourteen graves to mark."
Revision Suggestions:
Line 8, Line 22 and Line 30
8: "Was a truly fearsome sight..."
22: "Into the flames they went..."
30: "With fourteen brothers dead..."
This is another case where you have used Ellipses to end a line. I suggest not using punctuation in this case. Your poem loses strength and focus when the lines end with Ellipses, which are usually used to indicate an interruption of speech or some lost text. This indicates to the reader that something they should know isn't being said. This works against the flow of your piece and detracts from the overall impact.
Impact: 4/5
I feel that this piece has so much potential. It stuck with me because it was a new take on Thor (I believe). but, the ambiguity of who the speaker is, coupled with the less vivid imagery takes away from the overall impact of the piece.
The poem highlights the importance of courage and Kin through simple language. You've done a great job of translating the ancient myth into terms modern day people can understand.
Originality: 4/5
I feel that some of the images and sensory details surrounding the Speaker (Thor?) could have been more vivid. I didn't really feel drawn into the moment or that I was escaping into a different reality.
Technique: 4&1/2/5
Line 33
"I will return when winter breaks brothers; for there are fourteen graves to mark..."
I believe that this line would be stronger if you ended the poem with a couplet, or a two line stanza. Keeping the quotation as it's own line adds a lengthy visual to a mostly fast paced poem with shorter lines.
Unlike in Journey to Valhalla, I think that using the quotation at the end of this piece creates a strong ending. It shows the cultural importance of strength and battle while at the same time highlighting the importance the pre-Christian culture put on Kin and Society.
Revision Suggestion:
"I will return when winter breaks, brothers
for there are fourteen graves to mark."
Revision Suggestions:
Line 8, Line 22 and Line 30
8: "Was a truly fearsome sight..."
22: "Into the flames they went..."
30: "With fourteen brothers dead..."
This is another case where you have used Ellipses to end a line. I suggest not using punctuation in this case. Your poem loses strength and focus when the lines end with Ellipses, which are usually used to indicate an interruption of speech or some lost text. This indicates to the reader that something they should know isn't being said. This works against the flow of your piece and detracts from the overall impact.
Impact: 4/5
I feel that this piece has so much potential. It stuck with me because it was a new take on Thor (I believe). but, the ambiguity of who the speaker is, coupled with the less vivid imagery takes away from the overall impact of the piece.