Presumed Dead--- Birthday Cataclysm, aka "Chapter 15"

VAKAMA

It was eight days after Valentine's Day, so Vakama already had a six-feet-radius clearance field for fear that the poor kid would rape you in a second or three, but Vakama was socially unsociable from the beginning, so this was the mental vacation he needed to finish submerging himself in the cold pool of loneliness.  It was Humbert and Klaus's fifteenth birthday, so Krim and Maggie had thrown the long-awaited party at the birthday boys' house, since it counted as both the Valentine's Day's and the birthday's celebrations, and Vakama was enjoying his corner of solitude while making love to his soda bottle.

It was three in the afternoon, but he could still hear Klaus's hiccups, which he had had since he woke up and tried to get rid of them multiple times to no avail, as he left the room with Anna.  Vakama laughed at the idea of what they might be about to do, but immediately dismissed it because it would just be another excuse for everyone to call him "PerVakama", as Snow let slip by accident in front of him.  He stood up and, as if by magic, everyone cleared the way between him and the cake table.

Vakama sighed lowly to himself as he cut his fifth piece of cake and would've taken it to his room to read anything because he hated having everyone stare at him in fear of his revealed perverseness, had he not heard a knock on his door.  He took a bite from his piece as he went and opened the door and, forgetting his manners, gaped at the busty blonde fifteen-year-old girl that was on the other side of the door as he said, "YOU?!"

"Pick your jaw up from the floor, Vakama; everyone's staring at me," Clarissa greeted her ex-boyfriend's little brother as she entered, which revealed the other guest that was accompanying her: a dark young man with spiky black hair that somewhat resembled Vakama's and a relaxed expression that reminded everyone of Humbert who was wearing a black hooded jacket and long black jeans that reached under his heels, so his black tennis shoes were constantly stepping on them as he entered the house, not to mention his dark aura was making all of the party lights flicker as if in fear.  "This is Xhurt—"

"Xhurtemob, yeah," said Vakama after swallowing his bite.  "We kinda met in Christmas…"
"I don't recall that, kid," were Xhurtemob's only greeting words, his deep, raspy voice making the boy shudder.

KLAUS

"So… what kinds of magic (HIC!) can you do?" he asked the girl as she looked for an apple inside his fridge.
"Well, most witches have a certain… theme, when it comes to offensive magic," answered she after she found a bright red one and started eating it.
"Theme?"
"Yeah," she answered as she gulped her bite down.  "Most witches' theme is a certain animal, like snakes, frogs, rats, falcons, et cetera, but others have, like, a specific day or festivity, like Halloween and pumpkins or St. Patrick's and clovers…" Anna explained.
"And (HIC!) yours is…?" Klaus asked, to which Anna blushed as she raised her hair to reveal, on the side of her neck, a tattoo of a crimson heart.  Klaus smiled, "Valentine's Day and (HIC!) hearts?"

"All witches have a mark of their theme somewhere in their body, but yeah, mine is Valentine's Day…" Anna grinned mildly as she hid her tattoo.  "For example… Love, Hearts, Love, Hearts… LIGHT GRENADES!" she shouted, and a glowing fist-sized heart hit Klaus in the chest and exploded, burning a bit of his shirt and sending him backwards.  "Oh, Klaus!  I'm so sorry!" she apologized as she rushed to Klaus's side.

"(HIC!) Don't worry… I (HIC!) didn't even like this crappy ole' shirt, anyways…" he said as he removed it and threw it in the trash.
"Have ya tried gettin' rid of those hiccups?" Anna said as she bit her lower lip.
"Most of the remedies I tried failed, (HIC!) except for drinking from the far side of a glass of water… (HIC!)" Klaus, now shirtless, analyzed.  "THAT worked until (HIC!) Black tried to surprise the hiccups outta me and brought them back instead."
Anna blushed and smiled as she said, "Well, I have the best remedy for that…"
"A spoonful of (HIC!) cinnamon?  Tried it," Klaus crossed out.
"Nope.  Try again!"  Anna giggled.
"A punch in the gut?  Bronze tried it and (HIC!) got one back," Klaus crossed out again, this time with an evil smile.
"Nope.  Give up?"
"Fine," Klaus admitted.  "What is (HI--!)?"  Anna didn't even let him finish the question when she grabbed his face and planted her lips on his, but Klaus immediately separated her from himself and shouted, "WHAT (HIC!) THE HELL?  ARE YOU SURE THAT'S A REMEDY?!"
Anna, with all the patience it takes to explain to a three-year-old that one plus one equals two, said, "Well, you didn't let it take effect.  I hadn't even started."

"Okay (HIC!), then…" Klaus grabbed Anna by the waist as she pressed her lips against his for what felt like an eternity.  Klaus felt Anna's weight fall on his arms as she wrapped her legs around his waist.  The girl giggled as Klaus forced his tongue inside her mouth, and felt a cool minty scent penetrate her mouth and nostrils as she bit his tongue to keep it in her mouth for her tongue to play with, all as her hand started stroking his spiky and messy hair.  Neither of them noticed the commotion outside when White and Black were battling Clarissa and Xhurtemob, nor did they notice that, when Klaus pushed Anna to the wall, he had also accidentally used his version of the Chaos Control to land on his bed, in his room.  They also ignored that Klaus's hiccups were gone, even when both had started breathing in sharp bursts.  

It was violent moments they were sharing, but definitely not their last ones.  Anna, in all of that kissing and hugging and stroking, started to pull down her jacket's zipper to reveal her well-filled bras.  Klaus, grimacing a bit with the painful pleasure of Anna biting his tongue to extend her little game with it, yanked it out and started to kiss her in the neck.  When his lips pressed the heart tattoo, she moaned loudly, "Ahh… Stop it, Klaus!"
"Hmm?" Klaus stopped what he was doing to look at Anna's face, which was in ecstasy for half a second after he had stopped.  "What happened?"
"Just… don't touch the tattoo…" she said, her eyes closed.
"Why not?" he asked as he poked the tattoo with his finger, causing Anna to moan loudly again.  "Oh… is the tattoo marking your G—?"
"Yes, Klaus!" Anna sounded angry now.  "Don't even look at it!"
"Sorry…"

At that moment, White entered the room, stared at the couple sitting in the bed, and left in a rush.
"Oh, shit…" Klaus said as he left Anna alone in the bed in his room and chased after White, until she finally stopped and slapped Klaus in the face.  "OW!  What was that for?!"
"THE HELL WERE YOU DOING IN THERE WITH THAT SKANK?!"
"Okay, first of all, calm your tits!" Klaus said, but White just slapped him again.  "OW!  Second of all, White, Anna's not a skank!  Third of all!" he immediately added when he saw the brunette was going to raise her hand again, "what you saw in there was NOT what it looked like!"
"I heard her moaning!  Tell me that was not what it looked like!" White roared.
"She… she twisted her ankle!" Klaus lied, but White just slapped him again.
"I SAW YOU TWO MAKIN' OUT IN YOUR BED!!!" she shouted.
"Oww… who was makin' out?" came Humbert's barely conscious voice from the sofa.
"What happened to you?" Klaus looked at his older twin, who looked pretty beat-up and had a nasty gash on his cheek.
"That's beside the point," Black dismissed.  "What was that I heard about making out?"
"I thought… I thought…" White was on the verge of tears.
"'It never happened', remember?" Klaus could've stabbed her in the heart and she would've felt less pain than at that precise moment.  White started crying like a kid.
"Now look what you did!" Humbert rushed to the girl's side and started hugging her to try and comfort her.  "You made White cry.  I hope you're happy…"

Klaus groaned and sat on the couch, his hands on his face and his elbows leaning on his (separated) knees.

HUMBERT

"Thank y'all for these wonderful gifts you gave my twin and me… and for those you gave to each other!" he shouted with a smile as he raised his glass of orange juice.  "Really, guys!  I didn't expect to get a Gibson SG model guitar this year!"
"I (HIC!) liked my bass, too…" Klaus muttered to himself as he looked at his gift: one of the infamous Burns Scorpion Bass, but in dark blue instead of black.

It was eleven in the morning of Saturday, February 22, and the sun was rather hidden behind a bunch of gray clouds.  Humbert thanked Krim and Maggie for throwing the party in his house once again and went to get drinks for Red, Violet and himself.

"Watcha lookin' for, Black-kun?" Maggie said when her brother and she noticed Black was rummaging through the contents of the ice box.
"I doubt we brought any alcohol, Black," Krim said, noticing his friend wasn't looking for soda, water or juice.
"Ah, shut up and go shuffling with Zack, Abe and Klaus, Krim," Humbert said when he went through the first ice box and started searching the second one.
"Oh, right," Krim started laughing.  "I'm so gonna shuffle to salsa music. </sarcasm> Seriously, Black."
"Why the hell don't you have any beer?!"
"Your mom's orders… and our policy, need I remind you, Humbert-kun," Maggie said in a cheerfully austere tone.
"If ya wanna drink somethin', then drink milk," her brother invited Black.  "It's good for your bones…  If you know what I mean…"

All three of them laughed, and Black decided to take an orange juice for him and a grape juice for Bronze, just in case.  The clock chimed once to announce 11:30.  Gray, White and Snow knocked at the door and kissed Black and Klaus in the cheek each.  Snow noticed Slade was already there and blushed.  Klaus, interrupted by his hiccups, asked Gray to call Bronze, who lived pretty far from Klaus's house, to check if he was already on his way.  Anna entered the house thirty minutes later, wearing her usual dark aqua jacket and dark blue jeans, bid a happy birthday to the twins, and went to chat with Violet and Rouge the Human (with bat wings).

Sonic, Ness, Red and Pika were playing on the house's Wii; Ness and Pika were in one team and Red and Sonic in the other.  Black had to check up on them because his mother was worried Ness might accidentally break the china with his psychic powers if he lost. He found the four of them struggling furiously on their respective remotes, trying to put their characters in the lead.

"Who's losin'?" he greeted.
"We are," Sonic and Red said in unison.  Then Red added, "Pika, if you don't take it easy on us, I'm not gonna let you see Chuchu next time we visit Yellow!"
"Piiiii…" Pika answered menacingly, sparks coming out of his cheeks.

"YES!  A SMASH BALL!!" Sonic shouted as he furiously moved his fingers on the remote to make his character get the iconic item.  "NOW I'LL SHOW YOU!!" he shouted in unison to his character, which started dashing from one side of the TV screen to the other in an attempt to even the teams' scores.

"I call the winners!" Krim entered the family room, where Ness was sighing in relief because his character wasn't reached by Sonic's Final Smash, and Black immediately said, "Me too!"
The TV's announcer called, "FIVE!  FOUR!  THREE!  TWO!  ONE!  TIME!!" meaning Sonic and Red had lost to Ness and Pika 14-7, with Ness and Pika tied for first.  Sonic and Red passed their remotes to Krim and Black, respectively.
"Ha!  Beware the power of Toon Link!" Krim said as he selected his character.
"I guess I'll just take Yoshi here…" the older birthday boy said as he selected his.

The game became the center of attention of the party, with Ness and Pika saying undefeated for three hours straight, the only team able to tie – a rare event in that game – with them being Shadow and Ra, both with their (hacked) characters.  Finally, the people in the room all moved to one corner, and that was because Vakama had entered the room.

"I want in," were the only words that he said in his whole stay in the room, but no one dared take a team with him.
"I'll be your team," a girl's voice said, and immediately Gray stepped up and took the remote that was left free.  "I'll be… Lucario!  How 'bout you, 'Kama-kun?"
Vakama said nothing, but selected Kirby.  He then selected the "Team Damage" option and turned it on, raising questions from both Gray and the spectators.  Then he expanded the time limit to ten minutes instead of the original five, and he started the match.

Silver and Knuckles entered the room after three minutes of intense torture from Vakama to all of the other players, including Gray.  Vakama wasn't cheating in any way, but his game play was superior to anything seen, evidenced in the way he took advantage of an accidental throw from Gray's part to use a fully charged PK Flash on Pika's character and knock it out, used of each and every one of his Final Smash's drop items to strategically destroy Gray, Pika and Ness' characters one at a time, which made Gray question Vakama's intentions until she realized Lucario becomes stronger when he's losing, which demonstrated that he was an excellent team player.  Silver, impressed at the boy's skills, called to battle the winner, but the latter shook his head in response.  When the announcer called "TIME!" everyone was shocked to see the results: Pika and Ness lost 95-15 in just ten minutes of brawl.  Humbert, proud of his little brother, started shouting, "It's not porn what he spends his nights on!!" making everyone but Vakama laugh.  The thirteen-year-old boy simply put down his remote control and left the room without a word.

When Vakama had opened the door and gaped at Clarissa, Humbert looked at the new arrival with utter disbelief.  Nonetheless, he ran to hug her and kissed her in the cheek as a greeting, whispering in her ear, "I thought you were dead…"
"We'll talk about that later," was Clarissa's only answer.

Thirty minutes later, Clarissa had explained to her now-not-ex-boyfriend that, at the last second, a Corridor of Darkness had opened up where she was standing the moment Klaus's flames had apparently hit her, which made all that black lightning appear and knock Klaus back; her shady companion was sitting next to her, eyeing his surroundings until he noticed Shadow the Human staring at him in the exact same pose he was, except Shadow was mirroring Xhurtemob.

White was making that same face she once made whenever she saw Black making out with Clarissa a long time ago, but they weren't making out… and they never would from then on.  Black wasn't listening to Clarissa's life in the recent months; rather, he was wondering why the hell Xhurtemob was accompanying her.  Then it happened.

Xhurtemob had purposefully dropped a pitcher of soda all over Black, who reacted instinctively and tackled the former.  They took the fight outside as the birthday boy tried to punch his doppelganger, which the latter kept dodging by moving backwards.  Clarissa, trying to break the two up, accidentally bumped into White, who unleashed her wrath on the unsuspecting girl.  Vakama, undecided of whether to watch the cat fight or his brother's fight, flipped a coin; he'd have the honor of watching the two hottest girls in school (never counting Violet) fight their jealousies off.

Shadow joined the fight between the boys, while Amy tried to break the girls up, but that just made the pandemonium bigger.  Eventually, Slade would reveal the use of his chain tattoos in his forearms: from the tattoos uncoiled real chains like snakes, which he waved to tie Shadow, Knuckles, Black and Xhurtemob together, all unable to move a muscle; Snow, on her part, froze her older sister White, Clarissa, Rouge and Amy solid, to make sure they wouldn't hurt each other more than she could stand.

"You know," Slade turned to Snow, "we make a pretty good team…  How 'bout if we go out?"
Snow's face illuminated in sheer joy.  She had to calm herself down before stuttering, "I – YES!!!"

Silver came at that moment to stun Xhurtemob with his psychic power and to separate the ice cubes containing the frozen girls carefully.  After making sure Clarissa and her fainted companion had gone, Silver explained to Black that she would be unable to see him anymore, and that the next time he'd see her would be the last for sure.
"Why did you do this to me?" Black finally muttered.
"Dude, she's an engineered assassin!  She was gonna KILL you from the beginning!" Silver tried to make the straight-haired twin understand.
"Engineered?"
"Uh… how do I say this?" Silver asked himself before taking a deep breath and saying, "She's six years old and was created in a faraway lab to kill ya because you're a threat to Xhurtemob's Organization—"
"Black, you pedophile!" Vakama shouted, and Snow slapped him in the arm.
"Wha—" Black was incredulous.  One of the only girls whose shirt he had gotten under was… jailbait?!
Snow tried to defend him by saying, "He obviously didn't know!  Wasn't she moved to Tenth Grade because of that?  It was obviously all a ruse!"
Gray was laughing the hardest, though.  "Watch out," she was saying, "now not even your children are safe from Womanizing Black!!"

Black, beat up as he was, left the room to rest on the sofa, and White went upstairs to tell Klaus about what had happened, and that he could've been a huge help in that fistfight a few minutes ago… but heard Anna moaning inside the room.

XHURTEMOB

The Superior was as emotionless as usual, but the Luna Diviner seemed pissed at the new member's failure.
The Melodious Nocturne tried to defend the new recruit.  "Wait, man…  Would you guys do the same were you in a teenage party?"
"I would've," snapped the Luna Diviner, but the Flurry of Dancing Flames interrupted him.
"Really, Saïx?  In our time, you hated having to fight!"
"That was then, Axel.  This is now," Luna Diviner dismissed Flurry of Dancing Flames.
It was the Graceful Assassin's turn to speak.  "I presume we shall revert to our other set of procedures…"
"Say wha'?" both the Melodious Nocturne and the Freeshooter asked in unison.  Then the latter added, "Dude, remember we preschoolers only speak English, not Dictionary!" with a chuckle.
"He meant we'll have to go to Plan B," the Cloaked Schemer translated, barely raising his eyes from his book.
"Damn…" Xhurtemob muttered to himself.  "What about Clarissa?"
"Sorry, child..." the Chilly Academic addressed Xhurtemob.  "It seems we'll have to... dispose of her..."
"NO DAMN WAY!!"