Hold me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me Book I Ch. 7

Chapter 7 – Nothin' But A Good Time

"Now listen, not a dime, I can't pay my rent, I can barely make it through the week
Saturday night I'd like to make my girl, but right now I can't make ends meet
I'm always workin' slavin' every day, gotta get away from that same old same old
I need a chance just to get away, if you could hear me think this is what I'd say

Don't need nothin' but a good time how can I resist
Ain't lookin' for nothin' but a good time and it don't get better than this
You see I raise a toast to all of us who are breakin' our backs every day
If wantin' the good life is such a crime, Lord, then put me away, here's to ya"
Nothin' But A Good Time by Poison

They had been in Denerim now for three days and to say that it had been interesting would be a serious understatement.  When they arrived, Sergeant Kylon, commander of the city guard, pulled them aside to warn them that Loghain had posted fliers throughout the city, offering a reward for her capture. Sergeant Kylon stated that the posters didn't do her justice, but he still had been able to recognize her.  However, he had no intention of arresting her.  He didn't believe any of the propaganda about the Wardens, but he did want her help with a few miscreants. It had gone without saying that in return for her help, his lips would remain sealed.  At least the man had paid her for her troubles. Which was a relief because their funds were starting to get low.

Josie needed to earn some cash if she was going to keep her companions fat, happy and well-armed. So in between looking for Brother Genitivi, she took on a few odd jobs from the Chantry, the Blackstone Irregulars and the Mages Collective to finance their mission. She feared it wouldn't be enough, but somehow together she and Alistair would make it work.  

Just before they had arrived in Denerim outside the city walls, Alistair had informed Josie that he had a sister, and that his sister lived in Denerim and would she be willing to take the time to visit her.  She couldn't believe that he even asked her that.  Of course she would make the time for him to visit her.  She knew how important family was to Alistair and she had been thrilled for him, that was until she had met the ungrateful bitch.  Goldanna had been so vile, so heartless that Josie had wanted to cut the nasty little harpy's tongue out. Alistair pulled her out of the house, telling her that his sister wasn't worth the trouble. Josie could tell that the whole incident had hurt him, and her first reaction was to pull him into her arms to comfort him.  But then she heard her father's voice, "I will not handicap my children by making their lives too easy."  

Alistair had lived a difficult life, at times his life it had been downright miserable, but through those hardships, he had learned valuable life lessons.  Josie's intuition told her that now was not the time to coddle him.  There was a valuable lesson here that he needed to learn, especially if he did ascend to the throne.  When they had exited his sister's hovel he had pulled her aside, away from the others so that they didn't see his pain.

"Josie, I-I can't believe that she is the family that I've been wondering about all my life."

"Walking in there, seeing your sister for the first time, what were your expectations?" Josie asked.

"I guess I was expecting her to accept me without question.  Isn't that what families are supposed to do?"

"Not necessary, Alistair.  A person's perception on what makes a family is based on what they have personally experienced, and what they have seen in others.  Goldanna has obviously had a hard life.  Her mother died when she was young, she had to fight to survive and had no one to rely on except herself.  The notion of selflessly helping another is alien to her."

"I feel like such an idiot."

"Alistair, you need to learn that people like that are only out for themselves.  They care nothing about the needs or feelings of others.  They are users and takers. They will emotionally, physically and financially rob you blind if you let them."  

Alistair ran his hand through his hair in frustration.  "I suppose you're right, but it doesn't make it any easier.  Look I think I'm going to head back to my room for a bit, if you don't mind?"

"No, I completely understand. I will stop by later on," Josie replied.

"Well I certainly hope so," Alistair said trying to muster a grin, but failing. He kissed her cheek then headed back to The Gnawed Noble Tavern.

Zevran stepped up beside her.  "Where is the brat prince head off to?"

"Back to the inn and you could please keep from calling him that too loudly.  It's bad enough that he looks just like Cailan, I don't need your pet name for him to draw even more unwanted attention."

"Would you prefer the holy terror, illegitimate son of the deceased monarch?"

"I dare you to say that three times fast, Zev," Leliana chuckled.

"Stick with brat prince, but keep your voice down," Josie hissed.

"Warden…over here."

Josie looked around and saw a tall, burly man with red hair standing off in the shadows of the market.

"Warden Cousland, can I have a word with you?" The man asked.

Zevran and Leliana immediately went for their swords, but Josie reached out to steady them.  She approached the stranger cautiously, but she didn't get the sense that she was in any real danger from him.  "I would appreciate if you wouldn't use my surname on a street filled with complete strangers…strangers who very well could work for the man that slaughtered my family."

"I'm sorry Warden…"

"Josie, please just call me Josie."

The man smiled, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Josie.  You can call me Slim Couldry."

"Is there something you needed from me or were you just announcing to everyone in the square that Loghain's most wanted was still alive and ready for a good fight?"

Slim laughed, "I was warned about your sarcastic wit.  I'm sorry for our indiscreet introduction.  I can assure that it isn't the way I typically operate. I make my living by moving through the city unnoticed."

"So I'm the exception?"

"No of course not, I heard that you arrived a few days ago and I have been trying to get in touch with you ever since, but you are a hard one to track down," Slim replied.

"Well I stay alive by moving through the city unnoticed," Josie replied dryly.

"That is why I believe you would be perfect for a job I have in mind," Slim said.

"What kind of job?"

"There are a few less than noble individuals in this City who possess items that are valuable.  For a fee, I would provide you the necessary information to relieve these unsavory characters of these expensive treasures."

"Why me?"

"If the rumors are true, you're nimble, wily and very good at concealing yourself and you travel with companions who also possess these qualities," Slim said nodding his head toward Zevran and Leliana.  "These jobs will require finesses and discretion.  You would be perfect for them."

Josie bit at her bottom lip as she mulled over the proposition.  As a child she had been taught the Chant of Light, she had been taught that stealing was wrong and in general, she believed that to be true.  However, with their dwindling funds and pillaging the bodies of robbers not as profitable as it might seem the offer was sounding very tempting.  She felt someone tugging on her arm, she looked up and Zevran was nodding for her to step away from Slim.

"I need a minute to think this over.  Is it okay if I get back to you?"

"Of course, I will wait here for your reply."

Zevran led her over to a nearby bench, once he was certain that no one was in he said, "Jo, I see you're struggling with this decision."

Josie just nodded so he continued. "My dear Warden, anyone who truly knows you, knows that you are a person with strong morals. Someone who always tries to do the right thing, and who works tirelessly to help those in need.  But you are also a realist, my sweet and I know you realize that this mission that you and Alistair have set out on will be a costly one."

"Yes, I do realize that and that is what I am struggling with," Josie replied.

"From the sound of Slim's proposal, you would not be robbing the less fortunate just the opposite. I believe it's worth looking into," Leliana stated.

Josie's eyes went wide. "Leliana, being a Chantry sister, you are the last person I expected to condone this sort of behavior," Josie exclaimed.

The bard laughed, "Well, this is war Jo, and sometimes during war you have to do things to survive that you wouldn't normally do."

Josie laughed and started to get up.  "Both of you are right, this is war and I need to do whatever needs to be done to ensure that we are victorious."

Zevran pulled her back down beside him.  "One more thing, I don't believe it would be wise to share this little venture with Alistair."

"Alistair and I are in this together.  I can't keep this from him."

"Jo, like you Alistair has a good heart, a little slow on the uptake at times, but a good heart. Unfortunately he tends to see everything in black and white…good, bad, love, hate, missionary, doggie style…"

Josie smacked Zevran's arm.  "Get back to the point."

Zevran chuckled as he rubbed his arm. "You and I both know that things are rarely black and white, and that there are many shades of gray.  This little side quest will keep us in food, armor and weapons for months, but he will morally struggle with the way the funds were obtained."

"I can't lie to him, Zev.  We have just come to an agreement that we are partners on this quest.  Lying to him would undermine his trust in me.  I just can't do that to him."

"I'm not asking you to lie to him, just don't mention it."

"He will wonder where the extra money came from," Josie replied.

"No he won't. He doesn't really pay attention, now when you go shopping in the markets for supplies. I doubt he will notice when there is food on the fire and weapons are sharp."

"It feels wrong keeping this from him," Josie argued.

Leliana laid a reassuring hand on Josie's lap. "If you succeed and place Alistair on the throne he needs to be as far away from this as possible, Jo.  The nobles will accept the necessity of his involvement with killing, bribery and coercion in the name of stopping the Blight.  But they may view robbing one of their own much differently.  If it ever came to light that the Wardens were involved with these crimes he needs to be protected from those accusations. In order to do that, he needs to have no knowledge of it."   

Josie smiled at the lovely bard.  "I can tell you were a very successful bard…very calculating and shrewd."

"Coming from you, that's quite a compliment," Leliana said with a smirk as they stood walked back over to Slim.     

The first quest was so simple a child could have done it, but Josie still took great pleasure in knowing that she was robbing the mistress of Rendon Howe. Slim then gave them a few pickpocketing jobs that were actually a waste of their time, and she so much as told him so.

"Look Slim, I appreciate you thinking of me when these jobs came up, but I have to be honest. These are child's play, and there really isn't a lot of coin in them.  If this is all that you have I think it would be best to shake hands and go our separate ways," Josie stated.

"I'm sorry.  I know those were easy tasks, but I had to make sure that the rumors about you were true before I sent you on a more complex heist," Slim replied defensively.

"Well, have I earned your trust or not," Josie demanded.

"Yes you have and I have a burglary job that I think you will personally find gratifying.  Rendon Howe has moved a large sum of his wealth here to Denerim since he has been spending more time here in the city.  He is keeping it well guarded in a warehouse in the Market District.  Relieve him of those treasures, and I believe you will be hurting him were it counts."

"No, removing his balls will be hurting him were it counts, but for now I will settle for his wallet," Josie replied.

They decided that it would be best to hit the warehouse under the cover of night.  Josie had wanted to give her companions some much needed R&R, and had arranged an evening for them to unwind at the Pearl the following evening.  Josie, Zevran and Leliana would hit the warehouse first before joining the others at the Pearl. It had been a difficult fight, Howe had the warehouse heavily guarded, but in the end they had been triumphant.  However, they had walked away with more than their fair share of cuts and bruises.  When Slim handed them their next assignment that he promised would make her legendary, all three of them agreed that they needed to bring a mage with them, and since Morrigan was the only immoral mage they knew, they would have to bring the surly apostate with them on the next job.  

They quickly went back to their rooms, washed up and changed before they made their way to the Pearl, where the rest of their companions were waiting for them at the entrance. With the exception of Wynne who said the Pearl was for the young and foolish, and Shale who had grave reservations about being in closed quarters with large groups of humans.   

"Zev, is this a new doublet?  You look smashing in it," Josie admired as they approached their friends, trying to distract them from asking why they were late.

Zevran gave her a knowing smile. "Jo, now I've warned about kissing my ass. It will earn you no extra points with me. Now, I've had enough, so please stop."

"But you like it when I kiss your ass. I'm the one that doesn't like to have their ass kissed. Remember?"

"Oh that's right! You're the one that likes to have their ass smacked. How did I forget that?"

"I'm not sure. I would have thought that would have remained in the forefront of your mind. You have to love a good ass smack every now and again, although I have to say, I don't particularly like having my ass handed to me. Never been a fan of that," Josie chuckled.

Alistair held the door open for them. As Zevran walked past, Alistair swung his leg out and to the side, kicking Zevran in ass.

"What the hell did you do that for?" Zevran exclaimed.

"You said you liked to have your ass kicked, so I was just helping you out."

"Are you going deaf? I said kissed, not kicked!"

"Oh well, in that case you're on your own with that," Alistair replied dryly.

"Why are humans so preoccupied with a body part that is basically for excreting waste?" Sten grumbled.

"Cause there's nothing like a good piece of ass," Josie chuckled.

"Amen, Sister," Leliana chimed in.

"Especially yours," Alistair added.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Morrigan groaned.

They walked into the dimly lit brothel looking for a table as their eyes adjusted to poor lighting.

"Hey Zev, why is there a pit of mud in the middle of the Pearl?" Josie asked.

"Oooo, now I'm really excited about tonight's prospects. It looks like Madame Sanga brought back mud wrestling?"

"Mud what?" Leliana asked incredulously.  

"Don't turn your nose up so quickly my naughty Chantry Sister, I do believe this right up your alley. Two scantily clad women or men enter the mud pit and they wrestle until one of them can get out without being tagged," Zevran explained as they sat down at a table near the ring and ordered several pitchers of ale.

"Where is the entertainment in getting covered in filth?" Morrgian asked in disgust.

"Sounds stupid," Sten muttered.

"Mmmm, breasts covered, thighs oozing with slick mud, hands slipping and sliding over body parts...I'm getting excited just thinking about it..." Zevran said dreamily.

"Yeah, sorry, that doesn't sound so exciting. Now if they were chocolate syrup then we would have something to be excited about. No slipping and sliding, just licking and eating," Josie grinned slyly..

Zevran's eyes glazed over as he stared at her, "Have I told you how much I love you?"

"Yes, you have, but we both know you're full of shit."

"I may be full of shite, but you know what it does to me, dolce cuore, when you talk so dirty."

"Looking for another ass kicking?" Alistair asked.

"Now we're talking. I want to see Ali and Zev in the mud pit," Leliana cooed as she rubbed her hands together.

"Grabbing ass and taking names is not my specialty," Alistair replied.

"I beg to differ," Josie stated with a wink

Alistair leaned in and kissed her cheek, "Only when it's your ass, my dear."

"Yes, Alistair and Zevran, please show us how real men do it," Morrigan stated sardonically.

"That idea is the best one yet," Sten said.

Josie cocked an eyebrow at the Qunari, "You want to see Alistair and Zev throw down in the mud pit?"

"Well, it's a win- win situation. If the assassin wins, the bastard will have to acknowledge that the son of whore could take the Wardens out anytime he wished to, but doesn't because he is loyal to our leader. And if the bastard wins, the assassin will have admit that the better man, the better fighter, won in the ring and in the quest for our leaders affections," Sten said matter-of-factly.

"Wow, that was deep," Leliana said.

"Yes, I have nothing better to do with my time than analyze the strengths and weakness of this group, since I don't see us fighting darkspawn anytime in the near future," Sten growled.

Josie saw that their pitchers were empty and she looked around for their bar wench.  Josie waved at her, trying to get her attention, but the woman ignored them.  Josie hated being ignored.  It reminder of all the times Fergus would purposely pretend he didn't hear her calling for him. She stood up on her chair and whistled to get her attention. Just as the wench looked up, a drunk bumped into Leliana, knocking her into Josie. Both of them lost their balance and fell into the pit.

"And here you made such a fuss about not wanting to wrestle, but all you needed was a little push, my sweet Warden," Zevran purred.

Josie stared with amusement at Alistair as he watched the mud slid down Josie's neck and in between her breasts. "Yeah, Zev I'm beginning to see the appeal."

"I told you, it would be a sight to behold," Zevran chortled.

The sounds of Leliana quietly cursing under her breath pulled Josie's attention away from Alistair and back to the target of her ire.

Josie picked up a handful of mud and flung it at Leliana. "For being a rogue you're about as graceful as bronto in a china shop."

Leliana scooped up some mud and slung it back at her, "Oh yeah and you've got the balance of a one legged pirate."

Josie gathered up another handful of mud, sauntered over to Leliana and smeared the oozing goo down her face to her chest. "At least I make this mud look good. Can't really say the same for you, now can we? With all that red hair you look like chocolate covered cherry that sprung a leak."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, you think you look like the queen, in all that brown liquid? Pardon me, your Majesty!"

"Did you just compare me to Anora? You are gonna pay for that!" Josie scoffed as she tackled Leliana around the waist and drove her into the mud.

"Oh this is getting good. Too bad they are wearing so much clothing," Zev chuckled.

"Well, we can always pray that some of it slips off," Alistair stated.

"Jo, pull Leli's tunic over her head and use it to tie up her hands," Zevran instructed.

"Good thinking," Alistair chuckled.

Before Josie could implement Zevran's suggestion, Leliana turned the tables and did the exact thing to her.  Leliana grabbed the bottom her blouse, and vigorously yanked it up, forcing Josie's arms to follow the materials path. Leliana twisted as she pulled effectively tying up Josie's hands.

Josie was wearing a red lace breast band, that did a magnificent job of pushing her breast up and out at the top. Leliana smiled mischievously at her as she grabbed a handful of mud and smeared it across the tops of her rounded mounds then down the red lace.

"No! Not the new bra, damn it!" Alistair shouted.

"Sweet Mother of all that is holy, they are perfect...Take the bra off Leli," Zevran commanded.

"Touch that breast band and you're dead, bard," Alistair countered.

"And this is the savior of Ferelden...your people are doomed," Sten snarled.

"It's a shame really that stupidity isn't a sport, you ladies would be world champions," Morrigan scoffed.

Josie and Leliana glared at the witch then smiled slyly at each other as together they instinctively lunged for Morrigan, grabbed her by the arms and dragged her in. Each then scooped up a handful of mud and rubbed her entire body in it.

"Now that's my idea of a rub down," Zevran laughed completely enjoying the show.

"Are we gonna take bets on who the winner will be, or are we just gonna cheer for everyone?" Alistair inquired.

"Oooo, that's a tough one. Leli is a trained bard, she's wily and quick, Morrigan can do that zappy thing and turn them into toads, but Jo...well Jo is Jo," Zevran stated.

Josie spun to face them. "Jo is Jo? That's the best you can do? Since when did my name become an adjective?"

Zevran waved his hand over her body, "Well just look at you, Jo...you are you… You are indescribable, indefinable, mystifying, unforgettable, immeasurable..."

"You do recall that I'm the one that doesn't like to have their ass kissed?"

"Who gave the assassin a thesaurus for Twelfth Night?" Morrigan asked just as Leliana tackled the witch into the mud.

"Oh, and well we are naming your delicious characteristics, let's not forget you have a beautiful ass too," Zevran added.

"Better watch out, Alistair. I do believe that Zev just made a play for your girl," Leliana chuckled just before a stone fist slammed into her, taking her into the mud where Morrigan proceeded to pounce on her.

"He's playing a losing hand of wicked grace then, 'cause he knows he's not man enough for her," Alistair retorted.

"Alistair, it would take you a lifetime to muster together the charm that I possess in my little finger," Zevran countered as he held up his pinky finger, Alistair proceeded to give Zevran his middle one.

Josie sauntered over to the side of pit. "It's a good thing that I don't love him for his charm," Josie purred as her hands wrapped around Alistair's collar. Then she fell back into the mud taking Alistair with her. He landed on top of her laughing.

He wiped the mud off of her mouth, leaned in and whispered, "Come here, my beautiful Mud Goddess," before claiming her lips.

xxXxx

The following evening, Josie told Alistair that she was heading out for a while to train with Zevran and Leliana.  Alistair had questioned that training at night was a bit odd, but she kissed his forehead and replied that it wasn't if you were working on your stealth skills. It wasn't exactly a lie; she would be working on her stealth skills, while she stole some priceless works of art.  

They made their way to the vault encountering very little resistance along the way and only a few minor traps, Josie's instincts were screaming that something was very wrong.  The moment that they entered the empty vault, Josie knew they were in trouble.  She drew in a deep breath and turned to face her companions.  

"I just love it when my intuition tells me I'm walking into a trap, and I choose to ignore it. It's a great reminder that at times I can be such a bloody idiot." Josie sighed as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Look, when we step out of this vault we need to be prepared for one hell of a fight to get out of here.  Morrigan and I will step out first; Morrigan cast a Storm of the Century spell to throw those closest  away from us.  Zev, Leli slip into the shadows, I don't want whoever is out there to even see you, I want you to surprise them and attack from behind and I will do my best to clear the front."

They nodded in agreement then headed out the door.  It was worse than Josie had expected. They were outnumbered three to one, and they had brought a mage of their own.  They battled their way through the first wave and then the second as fought their way towards the hidden tunnel.  By the time the third wave of guards cornered them, the rogues were exhausted, Morrigan's mana was completely drained and she had to resort to using her staff as a weapon to fend of the sentinels.  As the guards started to advance, Josie dug down deep and tapped the last of her reserves. She rushed forward, her blades outstretched at her sides.  She knocked down several of them, cutting a few severely before a warrior's shield bashed her from behind, driving her to the ground.  She heard both Zevran and Leliana scream just before she felt the warrior's blade slide into her side.  Fire licked through her abdomen as her vision blurred, the sounds of the battle grew dimmer and her last thought before everything went black was she didn't know how Alistair would survive her death.

A/N - Thank you once again to everyone for your reviews and for adding this story to your alert and favs list. I truly appreciate you taking the time to read and review this story. It's wonderful hearing your thoughts and comments.

* Last, but never least I would like to thank Beta Goddess One, Jinxy, and Beta Godddess Two, The Lilacgirl, for their mad crunk beta skills…they are so buck! More importantly, I want to thank them for their friendship and support. You ladies the best!