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Ch15 My Home Front

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Chapter 15
My Home Front

 

                “Please sister! Please stop this before it gets out of hoof. Think of the subjects, the kingdom… think about Star Bolt.”
Mentioning Commander Bolt only irritated her further, Nightmare Moon blushed as she replied, “You know my demands dear sister, and if you don’t surrender your control over the sun, then we will continue with our plan. We will attack Canterlot!”
Princess Celestia looked at Commander Bolt and continued her plea, “Star Bolt? Please, you can’t do this, I know you. You’re not this kind of stallion. Please try to talk some sense into her.”
Commander Bolt lowered his head and replied with a heavy heart, “I… you know what is needed… I'm sorry but, unless you surrender now, I'll have to give the order to move forward. The choice is yours your majesty.”
Princess Celestial convincingly replied, “Is it?...”

                Commander Bolt looked up at Princess Celestia, but before he could say anything, Nightmare Moon spoke, “That’s enough! If you will not step down then we will strike you down. Prepare for battle! Come commander.”
Nightmare Moon turned around in irritation and started trotting back to the Nightmare Legion’s front line. As Commander Bolt turned around he spoke, “I'm sorry your majesty, I'll do everything in my power to see that no civilians are harmed, but this battle is going to take place, and this war… will be ending soon.”
Princess Celestia didn’t reply, she only lowered her head in disappointment, as Commander Bolt trotted off to catch up with Nightmare Moon. While trotting back Commander Bolt overheard Nightmare Moon muttering to herself, “How dare she make me look like a fool, and how dare she try to use my feelings against me. She will pay for this, she and all the ponies of Equestria will know the beauty of my nights.”

                When the two got back to the line, Nightmare Moon Turned to Commander Bolt and spoke, “Gather your officers and the other commanders then meet me in the bunker. I want you to give them the battle plan that you told me this morning. Explain it in full detail, not only is it a perfect plan, but even I don’t see how it can fail.”
Commander Bolt replied as Nightmare Moon trotted away, “Yes your majesty.”
Commander Bolt turned around and saw all of his officers already standing behind him awaiting orders, “Well, this saves me the time and effort. Snow, Viscous, Drib, Go notify the other commanders to meet me in the bunker immediately, the battle will commence after the briefing. Stone, Stand by… I need to talk to you about something.”
All the officers nodded their heads and replied, “Yes sir.”
Then all of them went to carry out their orders except for Captain Stone who stood by.

                Commander Bolt turned around and watched as Princess Celestia entered the gates of Canterlot and a large mass of troops came out and made formations outside the gate. Captain Stone stepped closer, “Sir, are we really going to attack Canterlot?”
Commander Bolt continued watching as the gate closed behind Princess Celestia, “Gem, I want you to promise me something, but I want you to promise me first, before I tell you what it is.”
Captain Stone was concerned by the tone of his voice, “How can I make a promise if I don…”
Commander Bolt turned around and interrupted her, “If you truly trust me, then you will promise me.”
Captain Stone didn’t like where the conversation was going, but she did trust him, so she replied, “Ok Star, I trust you. Whatever it is that you want me to do, I'll do it.”

                Commander Bolt smiled then turned back to Canterlot, “When this battle ends and you see the blue arrow go up, I want you to leave, remove your armor, drop your bow, and never fall into my ranks again.”
Captain Stone felt very concerned almost enough to tear up, “What?... What are you saying?...”
Commander Bolt turned and looked at her with a serious expression, “When this battle end, I want you to leave here and go to Dragon Mountain then wait. I made a promise to you, and I intent to keep it. but I can’t let you get caught up in the mess that will follow the end of this war. I can’t do that to my family… I can’t do that to you. That is why I want you to leave after this battle ends. Wait for me at Dragon Mountain, if I do not come for you within a week, then go and start a new life. A life away from war, a life away from fighting, away from the Nightmare Legion, Nightmare Moon, and away from this army.”

                Captain Stone couldn’t believe what she was being told, she looked at him and asked, “What do you int…”
“You told me back at the ravine… you’re not strong enough to see me fall in battle? Are you strong enough to be the one who launches that arrow at me? I saw the pain in your eyes that day, I… I can’t put you through that pain, not again. That is why you have to leave. I will meet you at the mountain… if you will wait for me?”

                Captain Stone lowered her head and tried not to cry at the mix of concern and relief that she was feeling, and then she looked up at him and smiled, “Of course I'll wait for you, even if you leave me waiting for much longer than a week. I'll wait forever if that’s what it takes.”
Commander Bolt also held his tears back as he replied, “Thank you Gem, I don’t think I could have made it this far without you. Go pass the message on to the others. If anypony wants to stay they are more than welcome to but I’d rather see them leave, than to stay here under that monster.”
Captain Stone nodded her head, “Thank you Sir, I'll tell them right away.”

                As Stone trotted off Commander Bolt couldn’t help but feel like he should have told her that he was starting to fall for her, but since he was still unsure himself he figured it was best to wait for now. He looked over the open field in front of the Canterlot city wall and sighed, “This was the field I learned to fly in, where Luna and I would sneak away from her guards and play tag in, the field that I did countless hours of back breaking training with Mist. This is… was my home.”
Commander Bolt decided to take this time to observe the enemy soldiers, who were taking up battle formations in front of the city gates. Each formation was either Pike or sword pony while the archers stood on the walls and the catapults sat behind the wall. A very simple yet basic tactic, he could tell that whoever was commanding them was a rookie officer at best.

                Time went by and all the officers and commanders met Commander Bolt and Nightmare Moon in the freshly dug bunker. The smell of fresh soil and damp dirt filled the room, as Commander Bolt started the briefing of the battle plan, “OK first things first, what is the most protected part of the city wall?”
Viscous answered, “Uh… The gate?”
Commander Bolt continued, “Exactly! Nevertheless, they won’t expect this. Roza, Viscous, you and your troops will take the rams and move on to the city gate while Orem and Drib cover you from the skies. However you two are only decoys, Rafi you will take your warrior zebra and make your way around to the west wing of the city, there you will set up a small barricade of that new toy that the griffon are playing with. What was it called again Orem? A granape or something like that?”

                Commander Orem shook his head and sighed, “A grenade, sir?”
Commander Bolt nodded, “Right… that. According to your chemist they’re small but if we line them in a specific way along this wall and set them off all at once, it should bring the wall down.”
Captain Stone spoke, “But wouldn’t lighting them all at once be dangerous for Rafi and his Zebra?”
“That’s where you will come in. You, your archers, Snow, and his troops will stay with me and Nightmare Moon here at the rear lines, and when we spot Rafi retreating from the wall you will launch a flaming arrow at the line of grenades. That’s why Rafi will also carry a barrel of gun powder, so he can connect the fuses and give you a larger target. That’s a long distance to shoot an arrow accurately, can you do it?”                                                                     

                Captain Stone sighed, “Sir, you planed this the whole time, then you have the guile to ask me if I could do it, long after you expected me to?”
“You can’t?”
Captain Stone smiled, “Oh I can! I just hoped you would have enough confidence in me, not to ask.”
Commander Bolt Smiled, “My mistake, anyway after the arrow makes contact the explosion of each grenade at the same time should be enough to bring that portion of the wall down. If not then we will fire the catapult at that part of the wall to finish the job. Once the wall falls, Stone, Snow, you and your troops will join me as we meet Rafi and enter the city through the destroyed wall. Then we will clear the city of all enemy troops leading to the main gate.”

                General Roza spoke up, “Commander once the vall falls should ve move through the opening?”
Commander Bolt replied, “No, you and Viscous will continue your assault on the main gate. If you happen to breach the wall before we reach the other side then make your way to the inner castle gate and begin using the ram to break that gate down. If we reach, the gate before you make it through then we will open it for you. Once we all reunite on the other side, we will neutralize the enemy catapults and move through the castle wall and into the castle itself. I have only one concern throughout this whole battle. When moving through the city, you will allow any and all civilian evacuation through the alleys.”

                Commander Orem asked, “Commander Bolt? Will we still have soldiers in the alleys to prevent ourselves from being surrounded?”
Commander Bolt Replied in a serious tone, “Orem while this operation is happening you and Captain Drib will be in the skies covering both troops from pegasi, archers, and catapults, so you don’t need to worry about that. However, we will have a few troops to guard the alleys and assist in escorting civilians to safety. However, if I see any soldier from any of your ranks, do any direct harm, to any civilian ponies of any kind. I personally will charge you with treason and execute you where you stand! We are not murderers, we are soldiers, and we will not harm anypony who isn’t willing to fight back! How clear am I?”
Everypony wasn’t surprised by Commander Bolt’s threat, they knew well that he didn’t want to attack Canterlot in the first place so with Nightmare Moon excluded they replied, “Crystal Sir!”

                Nightmare Moon continued to listen to the plan quietly without reacting to any of the instruction given; Commander Bolt knew that there was something weighing down on her mind… something heavy. Nevertheless, he didn’t know what it was, so he just ignored her silence and continued, “After the second gate is opened we wi…”
At that moment, a Hooviet Union soldier galloped into the room and approached General Roza, “My General! Celestial Crusaders have begun their advance, vhat shall ve do!?!”
Everypony in the bunker immediately looked at Commander Bolt for their instructions. He sighed before answering the soldier’s question, “All soldiers to arms! Move to your positions and await further orders! We will meet at the castle’s gate and go over the rest of the plan then! MOVE OUT!!!”

                Once they got outside the bunker Commander Bolt wasted no time in giving orders, “Captain Stone, send out the signal to begin the battle. Drib, Orem gather your troops and prepare to take off. Viscous, Rosa begin your assault, protect the rams until they reach the gate. Rafi take your Zebra and begin moving into position. Once you reach the wall, place the grenades, then retreat past the river and wait for the fireworks. Snow, hold your position here I'm counting on you to protect Stone and her archers.”
Captain Snow winked, “You have my solemn oath sir, she will be well protected.”

                Commander Bolt smiled, but this comment slightly irritated Nightmare Moon, “Uh… Commander? What is it that you suggest I do?”
Commander Bolt was a little surprised to hear Nightmare Moon ask for advice, “Your majesty, you can do whatever you please, I’d suggest for your safety, you should stay in the rear here with me for now, but whatever you choose is entirely up to you. Just please, don’t do anything to risk yourself.”
Nightmare Moon replied, “Very well, this will be the first battle I attend, so I'll look towards you for both advice… and protection. Don’t let me down commander.”

                Commander Bolt nodded his head and looked towards Canterlot, “ALL CATAPULTS FIRE!!!”
After that order all three catapults launched their heavy boulders into the skies towards Canterlot, one hit the city wall directly putting a gash in it, and knocking a few ponies off the top. The second hit right in the middle of an enemy formation rolling over a number of troops before resting on top of the soldiers in the back of the formation. The third hit the top of the city wall bouncing into the city, and taking down a few buildings. After that, all three teams firing the catapults cheered. Commander Bolt yelled at them, “This battle isn’t over yet! Reload and continue firing!”

                Caption Stone looked forward and yelled, “COMMANDER!!! We have incoming!”
Commander Bolt looked toward the city to see three boulders returning to them from behind the wall. One hit an open part of the field, and buried itself without any harm to any soldiers, the second hit the ground and rolled into one of the catapults destroying it, and the third hit dead center onto Viscous’ formation of pike ponies missing her by mere feet.

                Commander Bolt turned to Orem and Drib, “You two know what to do! Take to the skies and focus on archers, the catapults, and keep an eye out for pegasi too. If you use your grenades in the city, try to avoid civilian casualties.”
Commander Orem with pride in his voice turned to his griffon and spoke, “You heard him soldiers! We are fighting with a future legend! Griffon will speak of this day for centuries to come so don’t let Commander Bolt down! TO VICTORY!!!”
After his speech, Commander Orem let out a mighty roar that only a griffon could make. His formation also roared in response to the speech. Commander Bolt knew this tactic from the Griffon Civil War; it was mainly used to intimidate the enemy before a great battle.

                Captain Drib shook his head at the roaring griffon formation, “Humph… Show offs.”
Then he turned to his formation, “TIME TO CLIPS SOME WINGS!!!”
The formation cheered as Captain Drib turned around and took to the skies, followed closely by his pegasi, Commander Orem, and his griffons. As they approached the city, both formations split into multiple groups some started to attack the ponies on the city wall. Some griffons started dropping grenades into the city. While the rest started to hunt archers and the catapult teams. Commander Bolt thought it a little odd that with all the chaos taking place in the city, he has yet to see a formation of Pegasi.

                  Commander Bolt looked over at Captain Stone who was measuring the wind for her troops. With his feelings now clearer to him, Commander Bolt couldn’t help but admire the grace that Captain Stone showed while standing on her hind hooves with her wings open, measuring the wind with the movement her mane. After getting her wind speed she called it to her archers, “Ten degrees West!...”
she drew her bow and measured the distance then she raised her aim and called it too, “Thirty Five Degrees Up!... and…. RELEASE!!!”
A cloud of Blue appeared over the battlefield as the rain of arrows flew from Captain Stone’s formation, and made contact with the first major formation in the front lines. Captain Stone lowered her bow as her archers continued firing arrows. When she looked over at Commander Bolt and noticed him watching her, she smiled and blushed.

                Nightmare Moon, who was standing right next to Commander Bolt, noticed this and Spoke, “Commander, explain to me why you’re looking at your archers, when the battle is so plainly in front of you?”
Commander Bolt quickly looked forward and blushed as he replied, “My apologies your majesty, just observing my archers and their accuracy.”
With a very annoyed tone she replied, “Well, maybe you can do a little more observing after the battle. For now the ponies in the front lined need your attention.”
Commander Bolt didn’t reply to this comment because he started to realize something strange about the enemies’ movements.

                The second enemy formation on the front line stopped moving all together and the third was now overlapping them, which is very strange since the second formation appears to be sword’s ponies. Commander Bolt didn’t like this one bit, so he started to pay more attention to where the enemy formations where located on the battlefield. Meanwhile at the front line General Roza and Lieutenant Viscous collided with the few ponies that where left in the first enemy formation. As they fought General Roza being the first to push through the front line, was close enough to see the enemies’ real plan. She turned and yelled to Viscous, “Lieutenant!!! The second formation are archers, their veapons are decoys! Quickly alert our comrades!!!”

                Lieutenant Viscous pulled her axe from a dead crusader’s armor and tried to wave back at Snow’s formation behind her, but with all the enemy soldiers around her, she couldn’t get a chance to signal him. Back at the rear, Captain Snow could see that Lieutenant Viscous was trying to say something so he called back to Commander Bolt, “Sir, something is wrong Viscous is trying to tell us something. Should I move up to support her?”
Commander Bolt replied, “I agree something isn’t right here. Move up and support her, but when the wall falls I'll need you to move in with me, we need all our troops to storm the city.”

                Captain Snow moved his formation forward to assist Viscous while Commander Bolt started skimming the horizon looking for signs of what could be an ambush, and then he spotted it. A small pegasi formation that snuck around behind them started diving from high altitude towards Nightmare Moon and Commander Bolt. He called out as he unslung his shield and readied it for an attack, “AMBUSH! UP HIGH!!!”
Nightmare Moon turned around and looked up at the enemy pegasi, and then she looked toward a pile of spears that lay against the bunker.

                As Commander Bolt readied himself to dodge an attack, a cloud of arrows from Stone’s archers hit the diving formation from the side. Now instead of diving, most of them where falling. He didn’t bother looking where the arrows came from. Instead, he kept his eye on the one pony who managed to make it out of the cloud unharmed. However, before the pony got close enough to attack, six spears came flying out of all different directions completely and mercilessly skewering the pegasus and stopping him instantly in the air. Commander Bolt looked out the corner of is eye at Nightmare Moon. She stood staring at him unamused of what she had just done, and then using her magic she pulled all the spears out at once, and watched as the lifeless corps fell to the ground in front of them. Commander Bolt approached the corps to verify the kill then he turned around and hesitated as he spoke to Nightmare Moon, “Um… Well done your majesty. Its… good to see that you kno…”

                “COMMANDER LOOK OUT!!!!”
After hearing Captains Stones call Commander Bolt looked up realized that while they had their backs turned to the rear, the group of disguise archers had fired a cloud of arrows at them leaving them, little-to-no time to take cover. Without thinking, Commander Bolt sprinted to Nightmare Moon, “LOOKOUT!!!”
Once he got between Nightmare Moon and the cloud of arrows, he focused all of his energy to the cloud that just appeared above his head. All of a sudden, multiple bolts shoot out in all directions hitting every single arrow meant for him and Nightmare Moon, throwing the arrows off target and creating a ring of arrows on the ground surrounding them both. While this was happening Nightmare Moon watched in awe as the lightning seem to engulf her, although not one bolt got even close enough to shock her in the tiniest way.

                After the Lightning Orb cloud dispersed, Commander Bolt dropped to a knee to catch his breath; he has deflected arrows before, but never so many, and all at once, especially when they were directed towards him. Nightmare Moon couldn’t believe it, nopony has ever put themselves in such risk for her, at least… not since she became Nightmare Moon. Commander Bolt finally caught his breath, so he stood up and spoke, “I hope you’re ok your majesty, that was a close call, wasn’t it?”
Nightmare Moon tried to act unimpressed, “A very foolish act… but… I appreciate it nonetheless. Th-thank you Star Bolt.”

                Commander Bolt smiled, “You trust my advice and my protection, remember. The least I can do is respect that trust and do what I can to up hold it. Beside we started this war together, we should at least finish it together.”
Nightmare Moon smiled pleasantly, “Nevertheless, you have my thanks.”
Commander Bolt returned that smile, but he felt troubled. He jumped in front of the arrows by reflex and nothing more. He didn’t understand it at all, he knew she wasn’t Luna anymore, so why did he do such a thing. He couldn’t help but feel that there was more to it than he could understand.

                At the front, Chief Rafi and his Zebra finally made it to the river near the western portion of the wall where they were supposed to set the grenades for the plan. Half of the zebra tied the bag of grenades to their spears and threw them over the river to keep them from getting wet. The other half kept their spears for protection; nevertheless, they made it to the wall without being spotted by any Celestial troops. When they reached the other side of the river Rafi turned to his soldiers, “Ok brothers, we will set the grenades along this wall like I told you then when we finish, we will start to spread the gu…”
A guard for the top of the wall called out, “ITS THEM!!! THE NIGHTMARE LEGION IS ATTACKING THE WESTERN WA…”
before the guard could finish his sentence, Chief Rafi had already sent a spear into his face but it was too late. Celestial archers quickly rushed to that part of the wall and started to shoot arrows at them.

                Chief Rafi called to his zebra, “Half of you set the grenades, everyzebra else fight back with all you can! We must protect our brothers!”
As the archers tried to attack the zebra, Chief Rafi and his soldiers put up a good resistance, until everything on top of the wall went silent. The zebra waited for something… anything to happen but the ponies on top of the wall weren’t in sight. All of a sudden, Captain Drib and a few of his pegasi looked down at the zebra from on top of the wall, “Hey Rafi, you done… yet? I'm ready to see more of Canterlot.”
Chief Rafi Smiled, “Hold you horses friend, be patient then we will both trot down the street, ok?”
Captain Drib smiled, “Well, can you hurry it up? We seem to be late for the better part of our welcome party, and the party hosts aren’t taking it very well.”

                As soon as the grenades were set, Captain Drib, Chief Rafi, and the rest of their troops retreated from the wall and made their way across the river. On the other front General Roza, Captain Snow and Lieutenant Viscous just finished off the last of the disguised archers and started moving across the bridge to the main gate. As the battle continued, Commander Bolt stood next to Nightmare Moon and watched as his troops approached the gate, by this time Canterlot looked like it was burning from the inside out. The continued catapult and grenade attacks started taking its toll on the homes and buildings inside the city. As Commander Bolt watched, he felt nothing but regret.

                Nightmare Moon could see the regret in his eyes so she tried to cheered him up, “Soon Commander, this war will end, and you will have a peaceful life once again… by my side.”
Commander Bolt continued looking at the city as he replied, “But at what cost?”
Before Nightmare Moon could reply, Captain Stone called out to him, “COMMANDER!  Chief Rafi has fallen back from the wall! Should I fire the arrow?”

                Commander Bolt turned to Captain Stone and nodded his head, “Good eye Stone, Fire when ready.”
Captain Stone nodded her head and pulled out one of her arrows that was wrapped with a thick cloth. Then she looked at one of her archers who happened to be a unicorn, “Sergeant, may I trouble you for some help?”
The archer lowered his bow and replied, “Yes Ma’am!”
The archer focused his magic on the arrow, until it spontaneously bursts into flame. Then she replied as she closed her eyes and started measuring the wind, “Thank you sergeant, return to firing at the remaining celestial formations.”
After she said that, she had already calculated her shot, so she drew her bow and aimed very carefully, this target was further than normal, almost a hundred meters further than the spear she hit on the other battlefield a week ago. She very carefully changed her sight picture to compensate for wind then she released the arrow into the sky.

                On the other side of the battlefield Chief Rafi, Captain Drib, and both their soldiers tried to fight off the celestial soldiers who were quickly closing in. As Chief Rafi was fighting, he spotted a Celestial pegasus charging him from the other side of the wall. Chief Rafi braced himself for impact, but right as the pegasus was crossing over the wall, A burning arrow hit him in his side, completely piercing his armor as it dug into the base of his wing. The pegasus fell and landed on the barrel of gun powder, But it appeared that the flame was out. Captain Drib who witnessed the whole thing, landed next to Chief Rafi, “Wow, I never thought I would see that day that Stone would miss a shot… I guess she isn’t so grea…”

                At that exact moment, the feathers on the celestial pegasus’ wings started to singe from the heated arrow and caught fire, setting off the gunpowder, the grenades, and causing the wall to explode in an unbelievable force for both the Celestial Crusaders, and the Nightmare Legion to witness. The force of the explosion was so great, that the massive chunk of wall was thrown into the city, and crumbled into the brick that made it.

                The shockwave from the explosion tossed everypony in the area to the ground including Drib, Rafi, and their troops. The shockwave was also big enough to shake the ground where Commander Bolt was standing. After the dust cleared, Chief Rafi and Captain Drib picked themselves off the ground, and looked at the rubble that was once an impenetrable wall. Captain Drib Smiled and spoke sarcastically, “You know what the worst part of this is? We will never know if that was her true intention in the first place.”
Chief Rafi laughed, “Well friend, if we decide to ask her, I will let you do the talking.”

                In the rear, Captain Stone immediately reacted to the explosion, “ALL ARCHERS! Ready your equipment to move out, on Commander Bolts orders!”
Commander Bolt looked over at Nightmare Moon and asked, “Will you be joining us inside your majesty or will you stay here with the wounded?”
Nightmare Moon sighed, “I'll wait here, there is no need to waste you efforts to keep me safe in there, so I'll be waiting for you here when you get back.”

                As Captain Stone approached Commander Bolt replied, “As you wish your majesty, Captain Stone, Send your fastest pegasus to retrieve Captain Snow, and tell him to meet use at the western… uh the new gate, and then once we all are there we will move into the city. This battle just got more interesting.”
Captain Stone nodded her head, “Yes Sir!”
Before they trotted off, Nightmare Moon stopped them, “Commander?”
Commander Bolt stopped and looked back at Nightmare Moon, “Yes your majesty?”
Nightmare Moon continued with concern in her voice, “Come back alive… I… uh… Just… come back alive Commander… That’s an order.”
Commander Bolt didn’t understand what was on her mind but he knew his order so he replied, “Yes your majesty. I'll be back after we end the war, Once and for all.”

Finally Ch15 is on the shelf. It took me forever to word it right because of all the action taking place, but here it is and the battle will continue in Ch16, and maybe 17 but that’s to be decided.

Enjoy :)

Great Visual art :iconhuussii: MLP - Under Burning Skies by Huussii

Thanks to :icondaraniel1000: for proofreading

Tears of a Fallen Star

Chapter 1: The Colt Awakens
Chapter 2: The Exam
Chapter 3: Commander Bolt’s Decision
Chapter 4: The Friendly Foe and the Eclipsed Nightmare
Chapter 5: Two Orphans, Celestia, And New Recruits
Chapter 6: Celestia's Stand, and Forgotten Foes
Chapter 7: Peace in Death, Love in War, And Good in Evil
Chapter 8: Confrontations between Nations
Chapter 9: The Bolt That Cleared the Mist
Chapter 10: The Fatal Funnel
Chapter 11: Wounded Spiritually, Physically, and Emotionally
Chapter 12: A Murder In Cloudsdale’s Shadow
Chapter 13: Past Wounds in Present Skies
Chapter 14: Who I Am
Chapter 15: My Home Front
Chapter 16: The Emotions of War
Chapter 17: True Pain
Chapter 18: Letter From a Mare in Love
Chapter 19: A Meeting to End the War
Chapter 20: By the Light of the Stars
Chapter 21: The Fallen Star
Chapter 22: A New Dawn

© 2012 - 2024 Priceless911
Comments26
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Jozilla877's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Impact

YES! This part I feel is probably the best from a technical standpoint but I still have some minor issue's. One thing is that one moment I felt the relationship between Bolt and Gem was developing at a decent pace and was done rather well but at one point it seemed rather rushed. I also felt it was a little cruel for Drib to insult a soldier who had their wing pierced by and arrow, set on fire and the proceeded to blow the fuck up! I did however love the very end were Nightmare Moon "asks" Bolt to comeback alive! This story has been amazing and it is my bsolute favorite story here on DA and I hope that any other stories you make can be just as aazing.