Hold me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me Book I Ch. 9

Chapter 9 – Bleeding Love

"But nothing's greater than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness I see your face
Yet everyone around me thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe
But I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing, you cut me open
And I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love, you cut me open"

Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis

Josie threw the door of her bedchamber open as she stormed in, Alistair following closely behind her.  "Please close the door.  Servants are paid well to eavesdrop and report what they hear."

Alistair did as she requested before he took a seat in a chair by the fireplace as Josie paced around the room like a caged animal. "The nerve of that man… Argh! He is as infuriating and pompous as ever," Josie ranted.

Alistair remained quiet and watched her as she gracefully, but angrily strode around the room.

"I mean the gall of him… to have our friends brought to the castle without so much as consulting us first."

Alistair still said nothing, just studied her closely as she moved about the room, frustration and anger coursing through her.  Even after all these years that man still had the ability to get under her skin and she just prayed that he didn't see how much he had truly rattled her composure.

"And the audacity he has to assume that we were romantically involved just because we knew each other as children."

Alistair remained still and silent.  Josie stopped pacing and turned to look at him curiously. He was unusually quiet.

"Alistair, are you going to say anything?"

He stared at her for a moment and she saw a flicker of sadness and pain in his eyes. "Why didn't you trust me enough to tell me you tried to start a revolt against Eamon?"

Josie paused as she tried to collect her thoughts. Memories from that long ago mistake raced across her mind and she cringed at her own immature, selfish behavior. "Alistair, it had nothing to do with trust, but the fact that I was embarrassed over my actions.  I was a young girl that had acted childish and irresponsible.  I had disgraced my father and family.  I-I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to view me differently."

"But you weren't embarrassed enough to tell Zev. You trusted him with this knowledge, but not me…the man you share your bed with, the man you claim to love. The man whom you didn't trust enough to tell that you had tried to start an uprising against his guardian."

Josie felt her jaw drop, then closed it as her mind swam out of control with the overload of information that was in those two short sentences. She pushed down her rising anger again, she thought about what he had said.  Then she spun on her heels, flung open the door, strode across the hall and without even knocking, threw open Zevran's bedroom door.

"La mia caramella dolce, if I had known you were coming, I would have dressed appropriately…or should I say less appropriately," Zevran chuckled.


Without a word, Josie grabbed him by the arm and dragged him out the door. "Those bite marks on your neck weren't lying, were they? Kitty does like it rough, but why don't we stay in my room for this little liaison."

"Shut up!" Josie ordered as she dragged him into her room.

"Yes, Madame Hurts-a-lot, but I have to warn you, this elf likes to give as much as receive, so you need to prepare yours..." the words died on his lips when he saw Alistair sitting in the chair. A huge smile spread across his lips, "Oh my, I didn't realize the Brat Prince was into those kind of games, but hey, I'm definitely up for that."

"What the hell is he talking about?" Alistair demanded as he stood up.

"What exactly did you tell Alistair about my history with Eamon, Zev?" Josie demanded.

A grin slid across the assassin's face. "Oh that…"

"Yes, that!" Josie exclaimed.

"I just mentioned that you tried to start a mini insurrection against Eamon," Zevran started innocently.

"And did you tell Alistair that this information came from me?"

"Aaah, well…maybe in so many words I may have implied that I heard it from you," Zevran replied, still grinning at her.

"But you never said, 'Josie told me that she started a revolt'."

"No, I never attributed the information coming directly from you,"  Zevran stated firmly.

"And where did you get your information?" Josie asked.

"Oh, you would be amazed at how loose the tongues are down at the tavern once the locals have a few beers in them."

"Thank you, now get out!" Josie demanded.

"What? I thought we were going to have a spanking good time," Zevran said disappointment creeping in his voice.

"Go spank yourself," Josie retorted.

"But that isn't nearly as much fun," Zevran mumbled as he headed out the door.

Alistair stepped toward her, "Josie…I'm sorry…"

"That goes for you too, get out!" Josie demanded; her frustration with Alistair finally getting the better of her.

"What? Why?" He exclaimed.

"I am sick of defending myself to you. You were willing to believe the word of an assassin, who you know takes great pleasure in getting you worked up without even speaking to me about it..." Josie ran her hand through her long hair as a feeling of utter defeat washed over her. "When are you going to start to trust me?"

"Josie, you're the one that didn't tell me about the revolt. What was I supposed to think?"

"How about giving the woman you claim to love, the benefit of the doubt. Instead you jump to conclusions and allow Zev to place doubts about me in your head? You realize he did that to prove a point, don't you?"

Alistair just stared at her blankly, not fully understanding the assassin's motives.

"He did it to show you that despite all of your words of love, you still don't trust me. You threw the fact that I sleep with you, and that I've told you that I love you in my face the moment that you felt betrayed…Once again. You turn on me instead of believing in me. I-I just can't keep doing this," Josie said as her voice broke.

"W-what are you saying, Jo?"

"I think we rushed into this too quickly…" she said as she pointed between the two of them. "We immediately gave into this connection that we have between us, without ever really allowing the relationship and trust to build…I- I can't…"

Alistair closed the distance between them in two quick strides and  immediately pulled her into his arms, he looked pleadingly into her face. "Don't do this. I'm sorry, Josie. I really am, b-but I'm trying. I didn't have the stable home and loving parents you did to show me how relationships work…Please Jo Jo, don't give up me."

She looked up at him and saw the anguish in his eyes. She knew he really was trying, but all of the words he had said to her in anger came rushing back. "You're just like them, just like Eamon."  "YOU allowed her to sacrifice herself with blood magic. HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?" "You trusted him with this knowledge, but not me…the man you share your bed with, the man you claim to love."

Were relationships supposed to hurt like this? She didn't remember her parents ever having an angry word with each other. That isn't to say that they didn't fight behind closed doors, but she never had the feeling that there was unspoken tension between them. In the eight years that Fergus was with Oriana she had only heard them have a few minor disagreements. Nothing like the heated arguments that had taken place between her and Alistair. She had been with him for only a few months, and in that time she had known unspeakable joy and pain.  She knew Alistair's upbringing affected the way he viewed relationships, but how much pain was she supposed to endure until he learned that she would never hurt him or betray him the way Eamon had.

"I-I need some time, Alistair, some time to think," Josie finally said.

"Please…please Jo, let's work through this together."

"I don't think we can do that together, Alistair, without constantly hurting each other.  I don't want to keep hurting you and I don't know how to fix this either."

Alistair tenderly tucked a loose hair behind her ear then he slid his hand under her chin forcing her to look up at him. "Josie, I know I'm an idiot when it comes to matters of the heart, and it breaks mine to know that I keep hurting yours. I know we're better together than we will ever be apart. I have a lot to learn about relationships, but I'm trying and I want to try with you."

Josie was quiet as she thought about what her heart wanted, and what her head was telling her.  "Alistair, let's take tonight to think about this, then tomorrow let's talk again."

Alistair released her from his embrace as he nodded and stepped away from her; a sad expression settling over his features.  "Okay, if you need tonight to think I will give that to you, but while that logical, rational, sexy mind of yours tries to work through this, please keep in mind…that I love you, Josie Cousland. I have loved you from the moment that I realized what it truly meant to love another human being. You're all I want. You're all I've ever wanted, Jo and I hope that despite all my many flaws you can still love me."

"I do love you, Alistair.  That's what makes this hurt so much."

"Where there is love, Jo, there is hope." Alistair leaned in kissed her cheek, then left her to her thoughts.

She walked over to the bar in her room and poured a rather large brandy.  She drained half the glass then refilled it before settling in the chair, Alistair had just vacated as his words echoed in her mind.   

"…I'm trying.  I didn't have the stable home and loving parents you did to show me how relationships work…Please Jo Jo, don't give up me."

She knew that her parents had been the perfect example of how a husband and wife were supposed to act. The environment that she had been raised was one of love and trust. Alistair had never had that, to make matters worse the one man who was supposed to protect him abandoned him.  On some level, conscious or unconsciously, Alistair was waiting for her to abandon him too. A knock at the door pulled her out of her thoughts. She glared at the door for a moment, praying it wasn't Alistair. She really wasn't ready to have another go around with him just yet.

"Come in," she said.

"My lady," Teagan said as he entered the room carrying a cloth garment bag.  "I just saw Alistair in the hallway. He didn't look none too pleased.  Did the two of you have a lover's spat?"

"What makes you think we are lovers?"

"Please my dear, give this old man some credit…"

Josie laughed as she interrupted. "You're not old Bann Teagan."

"It's just Teagan and I am at least ten years your senior.  That gives me enough experience to recognize the look of man in love and one that has consummated the depth of his affections."

"My, my Teagan, you do have a way with words. How is it that some young girl hasn't swept you off your feet?"

He smiled sadly at her. "She did, but sadly it wasn't meant to be."

"I'm sorry to hear that. What happened?"

Teagan laid the garment bag across her bed, poured himself a glass of brandy and joined her by the fire. "That is a sad tale for another time. Back to you and Alistair…so if you and your fellow Warden are in a tiff that means your dance card is now open. I would love the opportunity to spin Ferelden's most enchanting Warden around the dance floor once again. Think of the fun we have making Alistair jealous," Teagan whispered in a tone that was so sensual that if she had been standing, she was sure her knees would have wobbled unsteadily. Teagan was charming, elegant, handsome, it really was a shame that this tender, caring man hadn't found a woman to share his life with.

Josie slowly shook her head.  "I don't want to make Alistair jealous. He has nothing to be jealous of…he's the only one that holds my heart."

"Then what do you want, Josie?"

"I want him to trust me even when all of the evidence is screaming not too, I want him to know me well enough to know that I would never do anything to harm him, betray him or abandon him."

Teagan smiled at her. "That is something that is hard to find in even the best of relationships, let alone from a man who has Alistair's background."

"I know, but most people don't place their lives in their partner's hands on a daily basis. We do!  He trusts me with his life, he has trusted me with his heart…or so he says he has. Yet he is always looking, waiting for the betrayal to come, and no matter what I say or do I can't convince him to believe me and to know that I will never leave him."

"Give him time, Josie, continue to do all the things that you have been and he will see your true and pure heart. How can he not? If he doesn't then he is a fool and he doesn't deserve you," Teagan stated as he leaned forward and affectionately took her hand in his.

Josie lifted her eyes to meet his. They were tender and warm, but there was an underlying emotion that he was struggling to control. Josie immediately recognized that there was longing in his gaze. It startled her and she unconsciously pulled her hand out of his grasp.  Not allowing her unease to unnerve him, Teagan leaned back in his chair and warmly smiled at her. "So my brother, ever the fan of pomp and circumstance, asked that I deliver your gown for this evening."

"Gown!  I was planning on wearing my armor. This little get together is supposed to be to honor my fierce battle prowess, is it not?"

"Yes it is, but the Arl can't have his guest of honor traipsing around the ballroom floor in rogue's armor…no matter how good she looks in it," Teagan stated with a grin that made Josie blush.

"By the Maker's smoking pole, is that what is in that garment bag?"

Teagan chuckled as he stood. "Yes, it is.  A seamstress will be up shortly to make sure that it fits properly."

Josie muttered a string of curse words that would have made most pirates blush, but Teagan just laughed.  "I see Fergus took your education in creative curse words very seriously."

"Yes, I seem to have a knack for it."

"So I see. Josie, the gown is beautiful and in it I do believe you will be the most enchanting creature at the celebration. One look at you and Alistair will be on his knees before you, begging you to forgive him."

"That good, huh?" As a sly smile played at the corners of her mouth.

Teagan grinned at her. "Yep, that good. Since you and Alistair are in a spat, it would be my pleasure to escort you to the ceremony."

"Thank you, Teagan. I appreciate that."

"And it would also be my pleasure to fill all of the now open slots on your dance card."

"Well, if memory serves me correctly, you certainly know how to lead a girl around the dance floor."

"Is that a yes?"

She smirked at him.  "I don't know. If this dress is as alluring as you say it is, my dance card may fill up pretty quickly, but I'll try to squeeze you in."

"Well, I do appreciate you trying to work me in among your many admirers," he chuckled as he headed out the door.

xxXxx

Josie tried to breathe as she rose from her knees after Eamon had presented her with the Shield of Redcliffe, but the gown she was wearing was so tight, it was making breathing difficult. Josie had protested when the seamstress had insisted on taking in the bodice, but her wishes had been ignored. Now along with the inability to draw breath, her breasts were pushed up so far she could use them as a shelf to rest her drink on.  If it wasn't for the fact that the bodice was so constrictive, she was sure they would have fallen out. Now, that would give the good townsfolk something to gossip about at the tavern. She had a sneaking suspicion that putting her chest on parade was Eamon's idea for Alistair's benefit, but she wasn't sure what information the Arl hoped to gain from it.

Teagan, however, hadn't been wrong; the dress was breathtaking. The gown was a deep, silk burgundy with a black net overlay that flowed into a square backed train. It had an empire waist, but with a tight fitting bodice that was covered in crystals, beads and black pearls. The hemline of the netting was two tiered with beaded medallions and fringe. It was the most extraordinary gown Josie had ever seen let alone wear and the way that Eamon looked at her with both admiration and sadness, she had the distinct feeling it had belonged to Isolde.

Teagan had been right about another thing, from the moment that she entered the Grand Hall, she had felt Alistair's eyes on her. She wasn't sure if it was the dress, the fact that Teagan had escorted her into the room and up to the throne, or that he was dressed in a matching burgundy and black tunic. She knew her face had turned as red as her dress when she had opened the door to find the Bann in matching attire. When she had demanded an explanation for his apparel he had chuckled.

"Well, I am your escort for the evening. It would be a terrible social faux pas if I clashed with my date," Teagan cooed.

"I'm not your date."

Teagan didn't miss a step. "Aaah, but a man can dream."

Josie ignored his statement as they made their way out to throne room.  Now as he led her out to the dance floor for the first dance, her stomach was in her throat as Alistair lined up beside Teagan across from her. Josie looked at the woman beside her who was Alistair's dance partner. The pretty blond looked vaguely familiar, but Josie couldn't place where she knew her from.

The twang of the flute and fast beat of the lute drew her attention back to her own partner. Teagan bowed to her as he extended his hand toward, Josie clasped it, curtsied then danced in a circle around him and back to her own place.

"Angel," the vocalist sang, Josie looked up and smiled when she saw Leliana.

Both sides of the dance line bent at the knees slightly, swaying their arms back and forth as they stepped closer to their partners. They walked in a circle around each other when facing one another once again, they clapped their hands above their heads as they hopped backwards.

"Don't let me hear you say life's taking you nowhere, angel, come get up, my baby,
There's my baby, lost that's all, once I'm begging you save her little soul
Golden years, gold whop whop whop"

Josie turned to the right to face the man on her partner's left…Alistair.  She looked up at him, but his face for once in his life was unreadable. She raised her left hand up to her to the side of her head and he did the same with his right as they stepped toward each other. When their hands touched, they began to move in a clockwise circle.

"You and Teagan make a smashing couple," Alistair hissed.

"We aren't a couple," Josie whispered back defensively.

When they completed the circle, Alistair grasped her waist, she hopped in the air and he spun them in a half circle.  As she landed, they raised their opposite hands and began to move counterclockwise this time.

"Really?  Could have fooled me?"

"Well, that isn't too difficult to do!" Was what she wanted to say, but she bit back the angry retort and replied softly, "I had no idea he was going to wear a matching tunic. I would never intentionally do that to you."

He snorted something that sounded like, "But you still did," as he stepped back into his place in line and faced his dance partner.

"Never look back, walk tall, act fine, come get up, my baby
I'll stick with you baby for a thousand years
Nothing's gonna touch you in these golden years, gold
Golden years, gold whop whop whop"

Josie repeated the steps never really focusing on her partner until her hand touched the warm, calloused hand of her fellow Warden again. They began to turn in a circle, she looked directly into his eyes, his deep, honey brown eyes that she had trusted and loved since she had been a young girl. Eyes that now glared at her and it astounded her how his emotions could change so quickly. One minute loving her, the next begging for her forgiveness, to once again having no faith in her and being angry at her. How were they ever going to survive what was to come if he couldn't trust in who she was?

She said nothing as they moved through the steps until he picked her up by the waist and sat her back down. The tears were stinging her eyes, but she bit her lip to stop herself from crying. She'd be damned if she gave him that satisfaction. With all the pride she could muster she glared back at him.

"You have once again proven your complete and utter lack of faith in me, in us and in my feelings for you. There is no one to blame for where we are…except for you," Josie bit out as she pulled her hand away from his.  

She spun on her heels just as the first tear began to fall and she prayed he didn't see it as she ran out of the throne room.

"Don't cry my sweet, don't break my heart, doing all right, but you gotta get smart
Wish upon, wish upon, day upon day, I believe oh lord, I believe all the way,
Come get up, my baby, there's my baby, lost that's all,
Once I'm begging you save her little soul, golden years, gold whop whop whop"

Josie made her way out the courtyard, she tripped over the hem of her gown, snapping the heel of her shoe. Cursing, she lifted the damn thing up, pulled the broken shoe off and tossed it aside. She pulled the other one off and was about to throw it aside when she heard a loud commotion behind her.

"Josie!"  She heard Alistair cry from behind her, but she ignored him as she clutched the shoe in her hand and ran for the gate.

"Don't you think you've done enough for one night, my Brat Prince?"

"Get outta my way, Zevran!...Josie!"

"Leave her be!"

"I mean it, assassin, move or I'll…"

The words were drowned out as the pounding of her feet carried her across the bridge toward the village and away from Alistair, her life, her duty, she was just so fucking tired, tired of all of it. For Maker's sake, she was only eighteen, only eighteen and she was carrying the fate of an entire nation on her shoulders and she had no one. The tears poured down her cheeks and as her all of her fears, hurts and anxieties overwhelmed her. She fell to knees as the realization of all that she was up against hit her full force, she had never felt so utterly alone and for the first time in her life, she was afraid.  She wrapped her arms around herself and began to rock back and forth, trying to stop the flow of tears, but failing miserably. She wasn't sure how long she had been there, but a tender voice pulled her out of her despondency.

"My lady…are you alright?"

Josie looked up and through her tears she saw the concerned face of Ser Perth. Maker's balls, she must look like quite the sight. He has to think she was a few nugs short of a herd, and was about to call the mages in the white robes to haul her away.

He knelt down in front of her and compassionately asked, "My lady, are you hurt? Do you need a healer?"

Josie quickly brushed away her tears as she shook her head.  "N-no…I'm fine."

"I don't mean to contradict you, but I've seen fine and you're far from it."

"I mean, I'll be fine.  Thank you."

"Do you want me to help you back to the castle?"

"NO!"

Ser Perth looked taken back by the forcefulness of her conviction. He smiled at her. "Okay…can I at least help you to your feet?" He asked as he stood and extend his hand toward her. Gratefully, she clasped it as the got to her feet.

"Thank you, Ser Perth."

"Please call me Dayton."   

She smiled at him. "Only if stop calling me my lady and call me Josie."

"You have a deal. So the castle is out of the question. Is there some other place you would rather go?"

"I don't care where as long as there is alcohol and no ex templars."

Ser Perth laughed. "Okay…well, I see it's been one of those nights for you. Well, you will most certainly draw attention to yourself dressed like that if I take you to the local tavern and I get the feeling you would prefer to remain incognito. Correct?"

She smiled warmly at the perceptive Redcliffe knight. "That is correct, good Ser."

Dayton thought about it for a moment.  "I think I know the perfect place.  It is only a two minute walk down the river. The pub mostly consists of regulars…mostly Redcliffe knights and if you buy them a few pints they have no problem forgetting they ever saw you."

Josie pulled off the ruby ring that had come with the dress.  She grinned at the thought of selling Eamon's ring for a few pints.  "I don't have a sovereign to my name, but how many pints do you think this ring will fetch?"

Dayton laughed.  "More than you could drink in a year."

"I wouldn't be too sure of that.  I have the constitution of a bronto. So what is the name of this fabulous sounding pub?"

"Moon Under Water."

"Great name, I like this place already."

"It's a place where you sit in the same bar stool every night, and the bar keep and wenches know you by name. It's never too rowdy, but it always has the perfect atmosphere. Even the way you are dressed, no one will look at you twice or ask any questions."

"Sounds perfect! Let's go!"

Walking to the tavern in bare feet had taken them a little longer than two minutes, but the moment that they walked in a plump, but pretty woman looked up and yelled, "Dayton, it's gran' ter see yer me boy. Welcome back."

They made their way up to the bar. Josie set her shoe down on the bar as they climbed into the last two empty bar stools. "And I see yer broot a mate. Pretty wee lass, isn't she?"

"Blinne, this is Josie. Josie this is Ferelden's best bar wench, Blinne."

"Oh Dayton, yer say de sweetest things ter make dis lass blush. Nigh waaat 'ill yer two young ones 'av?"

"Both of us will have a pint and a whiskey back," Josie stated.

Blinne laughed.  "Nigh dis is a lassie dat knows 'er way raun a pub. Oi like dat in a patron."  

A few minutes later Blinne sat the drinks in front of them then poured herself a shot.  "Cheers."

Josie raised her shot glass. "Here's to husbands and lovers…may the two never met."

Dayton and Blinne laughed as they raised their glasses. "Salute."

All three of them swallowed the whiskey in one shot and gulped down the ale in one breath.  Josie wiped her lips with the back of her hand. "Another round, barkeep."

"From de moment oi laid eyes on yer oi knew oi wus gonna like yer," Blinne laughed as she reached for three more mugs.

Dayton looked over at Josie.  "So do you have a husband?"

"Nope."

"Do you have a lover?"

"That's questionable at the moment," Josie said matter-of-factly.

"Then I don't think you have to worry about the two meeting," Dayton replied.

"Yer lookin' for wan? Oi tink dare are a few 'ere in dat pub dat wud be willin' ter voluntare," Blinne said as she set down the new rounds of drinks.

"For which? The husband or the lover?"  Josie asked.

"De lover most certainly, a pretty lass like yourself might even git a few takers for de 'usban'."

"Well, at the moment I'm not looking for either."

"That's a bleedin' shame.  You're a juicy lassie, a wee too thin for me taste, but oi loike sum meat on me lovers. Yer certainly can draink, dat a check in de plus coluume. Oi'm sure if yer are willin' ter put oyt once or twice a week sum guy wud make an 'onest woman av yer," Blinne said bluntly.

Josie burst out laughing.  "Well, thanks for the honest assessment."

Dayton choked on his ale. Knowing Josie's background he was obviously uncomfortable with Blinne's frankness. Wanting to change the subject he grabbed his shot glass and raised it in the air. "To swimmin' with bowlegged women!"

"Here, here!" All the knights in the pub cheered as they gulped the whiskey down.  

Dayton turned toward her. "So why is it questionable whether or not you have a lover?"

"How much time do you have?"

Dayton laughed. "I have all night if that's how long you need me."

Josie let out a sigh and then over several more ales she told Dayton everything, from the time that they had met as kids all the way up to the events of this evening.

"Damn, if dat isn't de saddest, but most romantic tale Ah've ever 'eard. Dat fella is yisser soul mucker, lassie. Yer need ter hold onto him with two 'ands. Dat kind of love doesn't 'appen every day, yer nu?" Blinne stated, startling Josie who hadn't even realized that the bar wench had been listening

Dayton and Josie both looked at her for a long moment. "Yes, I do know that," Josie finally replied solemnly.

Dayton turned his attention back to her.  "Josie,  I am not dismissing your pain in any way and I can appreciate your frustration, but maybe if I can give you a bit more insight it might help you understand where Alistair is coming from."

"Okay," Josie replied tentatively.

"I am a few years older than Alistair. During his time at Redcliffe Castle I was a squire for my father who was a knight so I watched Alistair with the Arl from a very early age.  Before he married the Arlessa, Arl Eamon dotted on Alistair. He treated him as if he were his own son. I believe that is where the rumors of Alistair being his son stemmed from. When the Arl married, and the rumors became more vocal, Eamon began to slowly distance himself from Alistair to appease his wife. To be honest, it was a thoughtless act on the Arl's part, not one that I believe was motivated by cruelty, but it was still difficult to watch because Alistair was just a child, he had no understanding of what he had done that could have cost him the love and favor of the only man he had ever known as a father."

"Fucking bastard," both Josie and Blinne said together causing Dayton to chuckle.  

"Josie, even though you have told him that you love, that you trust him with your life, on some deeper level he is just waiting for you abandon him for someone who he views as more worthy than him, just as Eamon had," Dayton explained.

Josie eyes widen as Dayton's words sank in. "Oh no...Teagan."

"Yes, I don't think he honestly believes that you were with Bann Teagan, but seeing the two of you together reinforced his own beliefs about himself and the presumption that eventually you would leave him for someone more deserving than him. A man's ego is a delicate thing and it can only take so much."

"What am I going to do?"

"Be patient with him, continue to show him that you love him, despite his flaws and that even when you disagree with one another you aren't going to leave him. It will eventually sink in, Josie. He was angry and hurt with regards Teagan, but he is a smart man. He knows that you aren't with Teagan and I doubt he heard any of the gossip in the Chantry regarding the betrothal..."

"Betrothal! What betrothal?" Josie demanded.

"Aaah between you and Teagan..."

"There was no betrothal between Teagan and I," Josie replied.

"Not officially, but the gossip mill..."

"Always a reliable source. What gossip mill in particular are we speaking of?"

"The one between the knights of Redcliffe and Rainesfere, honestly they are worse than an old woman's knitting circle," Dayton laughed trying to downplay his statement.

"And what did the knights' grapevine say?"

"Well, rumor had it that the Spring Fling in Denerum at least year that you and Teagan spent most of the night dancing together, and that there had been some type of connection between the two of you. Is that true?"

"Yes, that much the mill seemed to get right," Josie replied haughtily.

"Well, it is my understanding that the Bann was seriously smitten with you. You were all that he talked about that entire summer so at the Fall Landsmeet, Teagan approached your father about formally courting you once you turned eighteen and that if the courtship went well the two of you would become officially betrothed. Your father agreed that if you were open to the idea that it would be fine with him. Teagan was going to ask you at this year's spring festival," Dayton explained.

Josie slumped back in her stool. Teagan's comments from earlier in the day now had more clarity.

"Would you have accepted his offer?" Dayton asked.

Josie thought about it before she replied. "It's hard for me to speculate on a future that now no longer exists, but if things had remained as they were and Alistair had not come back into my life, then I think I would have accepted. I had always found Teagan a handsome and charming man and we definitely had a connection last spring, but now..."

"Don't worry, Josie. Bann Teagan is an honorable man. It is obvious to anyone that sees you with your fellow Warden that your heart belongs to him and him alone."

Before she could reply the door of the tavern opened with a bang, and stuck in the doorway were Zevran and Alistair, both trying to enter at the same time. Watching them trying to squeeze through the opening was like watching two clowns from a bad circus act.

"You big oof, get out of my way. You're the whole reason why she is drinking herself into a stupor in some knights dive bar," the assassin huffed as he tried to push past Alistair.

"She is my girlfriend. I have every right to be here," Alistair retorted as he pushed the elf ahead of him, loosening the tension and causing both of them to stumble through the doorway.

"Mates av yers," Blinne questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm actually not willing to own up to knowing these two," Josie replied nonchalantly.

"Oi don't blame yer."

Alistair looked around the tavern as his eyes adjusted to the dim light. He smiled when he saw her and made his way over to her. Without a word, he bent on one knee before her, took her foot in his hand and slipped the repaired shoe back on her foot. "My lady, I do believe you lost this."

Tears brimming in her eyes, she lovingly stroked his cheek.  "Oh Alistair, what am I going to do with you?"

He grinned up at her sheepishly. "I can think of a few things I would like you to do with me, but the top two things on that list would be for you to tell me that you forgive me for once again being such a bloody idiot and that despite my many flaws you still love me."

"That is easy.  I do forgive you and I do love you, Alistair, flaws and all."

Alistair rose to his feet, one arm slid around her waist as his other hand came up her back, seizing her by the back of her head. Not caring that they were in a tavern full of people that were now staring at them, he dragged her mouth to his as he claimed her lips.  His kiss so warm, so soft and tender it was at odds with the fierce warrior she knew him to be.

He angled his head, taking more, demanding more as he trailed the warm tip of his tongue along the seam of her lips in a quest for entrance. She whimpered and he deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue inside her mouth, sliding it against hers in a sinuous dance. He tasted good, so good, like the way he smelled, of wind, leather and woods. A lick of heat twisted in her stomach as desire began to pool between her legs.

She relaxed against him, melting into his hard length. Her body beginning to burn for more of him, longing to feel more of him against her, touching her, moving inside her.  Forgetting where she was, lost completely in him, her hands curled into his shirt, pulling him closer, pressing her breasts into his chest.

He growled against her mouth, as he slid between her legs and settled himself between her thighs. Even with her dress bunched between them, she felt the hard ridge of him, prodding and insistent against her. He shifted slightly as he rubbed subtly against the very center of her -- a place that now throbbed with a desperate intensity, a burgeoning ache that demanded satisfaction and making her squirm in yearning.

"Nigh that's waaat oi'm blatherin' aboyt.  If yer don't marry 'imself, lassie oi 'ill!" Blinne exclaimed.

Alistair pulled away and grinned at her.  "Better watch out, I think I just received my first marriage proposal."

Josie giggled.  "I'll take my chances."

"See you just made my point, my sweet. You're a size bigot," Zevran stated.

"Oi'm a waaat!" the bar wench demanded.

"You won't sleep with me because I'm smaller then oh let's say the oversized oof you just proposed marriage to, but I promise you, my sweet Blinne that one night with me and you will never doubt size again," Zevran purred.

"Is dat so?"

"I promise to make you cry, weep and whimper all in the same breath.  I guarantee you a night of such sweet ecstasy, that you will be too weak to stand let alone walk. And if you could walk you won't be able to walk in a straight line for a week," Zevran cooed.

"Damn, now that's an impressive claim," Dayton admired.

Blinne pulled her apron off. "Sal, yer 'av de bar for de rest av noight. An' if de elf is as gran' as he says he is al' day the-morra too."

"Sal, let's just say you will see her the day after tomorrow," Zevran said over his shoulder as he guided her up the stairs.  

Alistair turned back to Josie with a new twinkle in his eyes. "That should give us plenty of time to start on the list of the things I would like you to do to me."

"Yes, we just may make it through the first five items on that list," Josie purred as she slipped off of her stool and grabbed her other shoe.  

She leaned over to Dayton, kissed his cheek and gave him a hug.  "Thank you for listening."

Dayton returned the hug.  "Anytime, my lady."


A/N – I hope you enjoyed this chapter.  It is my favorite so far.  

*The inspiration for Josie's gown was Rose's jump dress from Titanic.

*The song that Josie and Alistair danced to is Golden Years by David Bowie. A special Ali, Zev cookie for anyone who can tell me what movie that song was in that inspired their dance?

*Moon Under Water is an essay published by George Orwell detailing his idea of a perfect London pub.   

* A big thanks to the randy minxes, Jinxy and The Lilicgirl, for being the most shagadelic betas ever. You are the best, my friends!