I'm so PATETIC D=

yeah, you read right -_- its a few days i feel like this. i just... i'm just a patetic idiot and liar... i cant describe me better than this. did you ever feel like you are nothing in the world? that your existence means NOTHING? its what i feel pratically every day. every fucking day. i have no friends, the only thing i can do its write and drawing... and know about greek mythology. i'm not useful.
i really would like to disappear forever and never come back. seriously. i thought about suicide... but i just shocked and thought it was stupid and anyway i have not the courage to do it...
people keep saying i'm awesome and a good friend. i odnt think so, there is no reason to tell that i'm awesome. neither an half reason.
somethimes i want just to cry, but i'm really proud and there are always people around im my house. you dont know when someone could come in and see you like that. result? i keep everything in me, and everyday i feel like i have a fucking weight on my heart... i dont know how to explain it... i have no one to talk with and this contributes. i couldnt tell this to my mom, to my father or my sister. i cant even stand them... i dont really know what to say, there is nothing much to tell... just this... i think i pretty wanted to vent?
it doesnt help that i have problems with my back since a year and the pain doesnt go away and doctors say i have nothing, i did x-rays and no one can find things... the fuck, i have pain and in truth i have nothing and that so stupid and pathetic i cant even stand this... i want to dissapear... just that... so no more problems...