In Peace Chapter 2

Annett Rose to the sun peeking its way through the crack of her curtains illuminating her room a lovely morning orange. Thursday morning, the excursion was today and just the thought of it brought a beaming smile to her face. The thought of the man of her dreams made her ecstatic let alone the fact she would be partnered with him all day. She sighed softly as his figure floated aimlessly through her imagination. She loved his deep ocean blue eyes, his long brown hair covering his left eye and his high cheek bones, he was a rocker by style and played guitar, his baggy jeans and tight shirts complimented his figure amazingly. She realised she had wasted nearly 10 minutes just thinking about him, blushing to herself she jumped out of bed and through on her best clothes, a pair of long black skinny jeans and a t shirt, she grimaced at the bruises on her neck and the cuts on her wrist gently applying makeup to them. She flinched as the bruises were still extremely tender. She stepped back checking herself meticulously from head to toe smoothing out every nook and cranny. Making sure she looked the best she could, even she had to admit; She looked hot for once, she was proud of herself. She left the confines of her room and entered to the living room, her father was gone and her mother was staring out the window smiling, something was odd about her but Annett passed it off as nothing
"Morning Mother!" She cooed happily, "How are you?" she asked.
"Oh morning Annie" she said smiling back at her daughter. "I'm good, slept well. What about you?" she asked returning her gaze to the outside world.
"Ugh... I'm good are you sure you're ok?" She tried not to let her worries show.
"Yeah I'm fine why is something wrong?" not even glancing at her daughter.
"Ugh no nothing... Where is lunch?" She asked searching the table and benches for a sign of some form of bag.
"fridge." Her reply short and sharp. She seemed to be staring at someone but Annett for the life of her just couldn't see what it was. She gave up and went to the fridge, grabbing her lunch before hugging her mother and leaving for the bus.

***
Annett got to the bus stop in what seemed like record time, she waited nearly twice as long as she normally would. She couldn't help it though, she wanted to spend the entire day with Josh. The long bus finally arrived she stepped on and looked down the aisle for a free seat, seeing one she went over to it. Sat down and looked to see who was next to her. She nearly died from shock when she realised it was Josh, he looked up before she could compose herself.
"Are you ok?...Aah" he said stumbling on her name. "Alice, no... Annett? Was it" he asked kindly blushing slightly.
"ugh yeah" she replied so quiet she wasn't even sure she said and just made the movements with her mouth, "ugh Yeah!" she said a little to enthusiastically the second time and turned bright red, it wouldn't have been so noticeable weren't it for the fact she has a pale skin tone.
"That's right, your my partner for this crappy excursion, really not looking forward to it." He replied looking for something in his bag as he did so.
"Oh..." the smile faded from her face as she looked away.
"Oh sorry.. It's not cause I'm partnered with you it's because I really hate biology."
"Why? What's wrong with biol?" she asked, relief flooding her as though someone had turned off a pressure valve.
"I dunno it is just so… boring that, and our teacher sucks." He replied trying not to make it obvious he was checking her out smiling at how hot she looked, today would be good for both of them.
"You can say that again!" She was so nervous the butterflies were going wild inside her stomach making her want to vomit.
"I dunno it is…" He trailed of laughing to himself over his lame attempt at flirting. His hand gently making its way onto her thigh; Annett flinched, Josh's hand moving away quickly as Annett composed herself after the pain shot through her leg.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." He felt horrible and kind of bad.
"No it is fine; you just brushed a bruise on my leg, I'm a klutz and well yeah had a fall and bruised my thigh" lying through her teeth she felt even worse. The butterflies flying around creating a torrent of air inside her stomach doing twists and turns inside her.
Josh's hand gently made its way down to her thigh again being sure to miss the bruise. Annett blushed her cheeks going a vibrant rose red compared to her regular snow white. Annett was full of pride and self-confidence all in one. In a single day she had managed to build the courage to talk to her crush and now his hand was gently rested on her thigh and their hormones were racing, but Annett wouldn't let it go any further, even if it was her dreamboat.
Annett and Josh sat next to each other enjoying their small conversations learning things about each other they never knew like how Annett's Father, was Josh's Father's boss and that they had spent many years of primary school together. Their interests stemmed from the same regions, they both enjoyed rock music including bands such as Three Days Grace, Linkin Park, Evanescence and Rise Against. Josh played guitar while Annett sand Soprano and her voice was just stunning. All the thoughts of everything they had been discussing was circulating in her head rising and falling, some making her feel all warm others making her blood run cold, all of it was like a hurricane in a storm. Emotions running wild and driving her crazy…

***

The bus pulled into the driveway of the zoo, before anyone could rise from their seat to begin the slow impatient single file off the bus Mrs. Faths stood at the front of the aisle in the bus.
"Alright sit down and be quiet!" Her face turning a red as she strained to raise her voice, even for a lady of nearly 50 she was still young at heart, but years of teaching arrogant students who had no wish to learn had made her attitude to teaching bitter.
"I am trusting you all to behave, and stay calm and not do anything stupid. Take lots of notes because I will not help any of you who fail to do so. I do not give you a mark, anything you get is earned by yourself." Her warning echoing in the minds of the teens throughout…
Josh stood up and grabbed Annett's wrist and helped her up, her hand holding his wrist a little longer than what would be required normally.
"HEY! Josh! Feel sorry for you bro, stuck with that Emo bitch. Catcha later man." Josh's friend Alex shouted out from the other side of the group. Annett looked away, she covered her face as she lowered her long hair down to the side of her face as a wall to protect herself. Thoughts like "Is that what Josh thinks?" and "This I why I am 'emo'" were just a few thoughts turning over and over in her head
"Go fuck yourself Alex! I'd rather spend the day with Annett than you idiot." Josh retorted. Annett looked back in bewilderment, had she really just heard that? The look of confusion and anger on Alex's face seemed to confirm her suspicions. Josh turned to Annett and grabbed her by the hand and gently led her in the direction of the Koala exhibit.
As they walked away, Annett reflect on what had just happened. Her mind was bewildered and confused, storming with ideas and fears and all sorts of mixed messages.
"Josh, can I ask you a quick question?" she looked up to him slightly attempting to make eye contact.
"Sure, anything." His view focused on the animals.
"Why…Why did you defend me back there?" her eyes pleading for the contact of his. "Aren't I just 'that emo chick' to you?"
"Let me be honest with you, before today, hell before the bus trip. Yes you were 'that emo chick.'" his words making her heart sink.
"But that's because you were always so upset, and you always so alone, none of us ever really felt comfortable to approach you. But I realize now you're not like that. You're a smart funny cheerful girl, who I don' think has ever cut in your life. Besides, if I dress as a policeman people will ask me for help, just because I wear the uniform, doesn't make me a policeman. So in turn if you 'wear' the uniform of someone who is depressed all the time and by herself, you have to expect some people to come to that conclusion. Smile for a little while." He smiled back at her and put his arm around her shoulder gently holding her arm. Annett just looked away sheepishly glancing at her wrists. Josh thought she was just being cute.
Annett felt horrible, she felt horrible because she wanted to be truthful to Josh, but she was scared of what he may think, say anything, she scratched at one of the scares on her arm, all it did was make her feel worse.
"You ok Annett, isn't this weird for you?" He asked looking down not sure if she realized his hand was on her waist.
"Pardon?" she asked oblivious to his arm.
"My arm around you? Isn't it weird for you?"
"Oh…OH! Sorry I hadn't even noticed was too busy in my own thoughts. Where are we by the way?" looking around she wondered how long she had been lost in her thoughts for.
"Oh yeah? What were you thinking about?" he asked a little more than concern on his expression.
"…Can we do it over lunch? I'm starving…" She asked trying to avoid the question.
"Sure, my treat! And I refuse to be denied my right to treat you to lunch."
***
Annett sat across from Josh slowly filling up on a chicken wrap and a bottle of water.
"So what were you thinking about before?" he asked stuffing his face up on a grilled chicken sandwich the mayonnaise giving him a moustache.
Annett stopped. She couldn't think. She closed her eyes for a little more than a standard blink looking down to avoid his eyes completely. They were so honest and realised she couldn't lie to him like this, not when He has been so good to her all day. No one had ever made her feel this special.
She grabbed a serviette and poured a few drops of water on it and rubbed the small amount of makeup covering her scar stained arms. Josh sat across from her motionless and expressionless; it was scary because he appeared angry at her. When she finally finished removing the makeup off her left arm she couldn't stand to look at him.
"Never. Again." His words cutting deeper than any wound she couldn't inflict on herself.
"What?" She had to clarify what he had just said.
"Never again Annett, I don't want to see fresh cuts on your arms ever again." His words twisting the dagger already metaphorically through her heart. She was hurting bad, she felt sick and tears welled up into the corner of her eyes.
"Why does it matter to you? For all I know we will never speak again after this day. Besides I really doubt you care." She really didn't want to face the truth but she had to. The words slid off her tongue leaving a bad taste in her mouth.
"You're popular Josh, I'm not it is as simple as that." Further tears appeared in her eyes. She couldn't look now. "You tell me to smile? I can't you think you know me, but really, you don't know anything. My life is barely worth living, bar a select few things. Today has been spectacular and gave me a reason to smile, but in a weeks' time when we sit across the school yard from each other, I'll look at you and know I was just another face that you'll never associate with again." Tears welled into her eyes as she flared with anger
"I'm popular? Really you think I'm popular? Let me tell you something. I'm only popular because you label me as popular; yes sure I have the latest albums from the best top ranking artists on iTunes. And yes I have the latest fancy clothes and my father's a big business man. But that means nothing to my social status. My social status is something given to me by people who believe I'm above them. As humans we categorize everyone and everything, for those like you it becomes a joke and an insult, something you allow yourself to believe in. I honestly thought that through everything you've experienced you would be above labelling people. Clearly not... Why would I want you out of my life? " His words removing the night and stitching her heart back together slowly.
"Besides you're too cute to be out of my life. You've been a better friend to me today than most of my "friends" have been in a long time. I'm not losing that. But I will only be friends with you if you agree never to self harm again. And to stop labelling people, I'm sick of this 'power play' society that uses greed and belittlement to get ahead of each other."His ultimatum striking home, leaving her shocked, and confused but determined.
She spaced out to think and realised something she couldn't not self harm, it was her release. It may seem stupid and illogical but the cutting, the burning it really helped. For her it showed she was still real, she was still alive and she still existed. It was a reassurance thing, not an attention thing for Annett.
But on the other hand there was Josh, the man of her dreams. She had to make a choice, if she chose Josh, she would need a new release. It would have to be something she could reach for anytime she needed it.
"I'll try" was all she could manage. She looked him in the eyes and even then right through him, she felt like she had been stripped bare for the world to see, every last imperfection laid out for the world to observe and criticise. But with Josh there she felt transparent nobody could see these imperfections as long as he was around.
The rest of the trip was continued as normal. Annett working hard on the notes and Josh copying down what Annett wrote. They continued the topics from when they were discussing on the bus, finding both had an interest in videogames in their spare time, as well as the fact they were both musicians. They sang for the rest of the excursion and even on the bus ride home, laughing at each other's poor attempts to match their favourites vocalists abilities. They stepped off the bus, hugged and said their goodbyes and exchanged details, soon after Josh walked off to catch up with friends, but continued to glance back at Annett till her bus arrived and she left. She couldn't shake the feeling of freedom on her shoulders.