ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Deviation Actions
Literature Text
Swans and wings are floating by
on a breeze imbued with jasmine and
willows outstretching their arms in welcome.
Through deep breaths he arrives
plunged in murky, pungent water.
A quiet whisper, and he prays -
"Please... may I linger here?"
Willows lower their arms
and jasmine falls to the Earth
where the wind dies and finally rests.
The crows are cawing hymns,
begging to be swans.
But only the duck submerged in Swan Lake
has delved the desired shore.
Its waters dangerous and plagued
by monsters baring their teeth;
most ghastly and putrid they are
that no crow may ripple its surface
nor any songbird seeking beauty fair.
The Swan Maidens bare their chests
and open their wings in veneration -
for the duck has sought beauty through courage
and earned his guise of grace and virtue.
on a breeze imbued with jasmine and
willows outstretching their arms in welcome.
Through deep breaths he arrives
plunged in murky, pungent water.
A quiet whisper, and he prays -
"Please... may I linger here?"
Willows lower their arms
and jasmine falls to the Earth
where the wind dies and finally rests.
The crows are cawing hymns,
begging to be swans.
But only the duck submerged in Swan Lake
has delved the desired shore.
Its waters dangerous and plagued
by monsters baring their teeth;
most ghastly and putrid they are
that no crow may ripple its surface
nor any songbird seeking beauty fair.
The Swan Maidens bare their chests
and open their wings in veneration -
for the duck has sought beauty through courage
and earned his guise of grace and virtue.
Literature
for unseeing eyes
laden with sky
we stumbled
and painted mockingbirds
on loveless branches
folding in our slender limbs
and ducking under our own
voices, fidgety and frail
against the wall of night.
between the dipping blades
and drawn shoulders
we learned to craft our words
steady-soft,
a drumming rain
that carved canyons
in open hearts and
drew the sunshine to
our supping lips.
keen-eyed, we watched
remembering the weight
of unseeing eyes
and scalding remarks
and we learned to slip
the noose-knots and slide
through the soul-cracks
and somehow
build kingdoms under
upturned noses.
with lyrical uncertainty
and tender determinat
Literature
Lullaby
"I've been waiting my entire life to tell you that I'm dying and I figured I'd finally get it over with.
So here I am, carving forgive me
into my teeth, so every time that I speak
I can still say that I'm sorry.
More years have passed in the last than I care to remember
but I could never forget:
In eighth grade my chorus teacher always told me,
'Michael, you'll never be good enough.'
and it always excited me. It reminded me of my mother.
On the last day of school she smiled,
her teeth jagged like a train wreck,
she didn't say a word,
but I knew exactly what she meant.
In high school I fell in love with a roadside bomb waiting to be deton
Literature
pretty little definitons
i have a dictionary
full of
pretty little
definitions,
you see.
hey, let's start with
un-a-ware;
a fragile little (adj.)
describing my take on the world
and yours on me.
ig-nore;
a (v.) you've turned
into hell on earth for me
yet you can't even
begin to know
now we have
un-re-quit-ed;
(adj.)
meaning not acknowledge, not returned
not even given a single thought to
i guess
you are
blind;
yet another (adj.)
you'e oblivious to my effort, unseen
after all this
i might as well
sur-rend-er;
(v.)
"to give up completely or agree to forgo, especially in favor of another"
Suggested Collections
Featured in Groups
MY FIRST DAILY DEVIATION!
I couldn't believe when I logged on this morning that I received a DD.
When I wrote this poem, I thought to myself,
"Wow, you should really stick to prose."
I'm glad that someone doesn't think so.
Special thanks to BeccaJS for featuring me, and thank you for either ing, commenting, or reading!
This is my audition for poetry-book's Scratch That Poetry Tournament. As the rules stated, the participants could write about anything... exceptoverly depressing subject matter.
This piece was greatly inspired by the ballet, Swan Lake. I have just recently refallen in love with it while doing research for my NaNoWriMo '12 project, Drowning Sirens.
I wanted to tell a story that may have seemed sad at first but in the end had a childlike sense of retribution that not only teaches all of us a lesson but gives everyone that isn't necessarily a swan, hope.
Please let me know what you think. I'd love some feedback on this.
OfOneSoul
Thank you TheGalleryOfEve for the beautiful art inspired by this piece!
I couldn't believe when I logged on this morning that I received a DD.
When I wrote this poem, I thought to myself,
"Wow, you should really stick to prose."
I'm glad that someone doesn't think so.
Special thanks to BeccaJS for featuring me, and thank you for either ing, commenting, or reading!
My first poem in ages!
This is my audition for poetry-book's Scratch That Poetry Tournament. As the rules stated, the participants could write about anything... except
This piece was greatly inspired by the ballet, Swan Lake. I have just recently refallen in love with it while doing research for my NaNoWriMo '12 project, Drowning Sirens.
I wanted to tell a story that may have seemed sad at first but in the end had a childlike sense of retribution that not only teaches all of us a lesson but gives everyone that isn't necessarily a swan, hope.
Please let me know what you think. I'd love some feedback on this.
OfOneSoul
Thank you TheGalleryOfEve for the beautiful art inspired by this piece!
© 2012 - 2024 OfOneSoul
Comments101
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Overall
Vision
Originality
Technique
Impact
Hi, I'm critiquing on behalf of <img class="avatar" src="a.deviantart.net/avatars/w/r/w…" alt="" title="Writers--club" />. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/w/w…" width="25" height="20" alt="" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="437" title="Hi!"/>
First of all, congratulations on the DD! You definitely deserved it.
In the interest of keeping myself from gushing, I'll get to your questions:
I think the imagery here is quite well done. It's at its most vivid in the first stanza, but stays pretty consistent throughout the rest of the poem. Some highlights for me in terms of imagery were: the first and third stanzas, and this set of lines: "The Swan Maidens bare their chests/and open their wings in veneration." Very compelling.
I think the pacing is well done here, and I don't think there's anything I would change. The same goes for the story; I think this interpretation of the Ugly Duckling is one of the most creative that I've seen.
As for rhyming, I think this is a piece best left as free verse. Both because I think this is great as it is, and also because rhyme can be constricting, and could very well take away from the impact of the piece.
Overall, this is a great piece, and I look forward to reading more of your work.