Request - What Are Little Girl's Made Of

What Are Little Girl's Made Of?
By John Paul Dodds

Oh God!  I was going to be late for class.  Again.  Third time this week.  That evil little troll, Professor Mandrake, would have my hide if I was late again.  I'd be up in front of the dean without a doubt.  I mean he wasn't really a troll, he was human like most of the professors.  But all the students thought of him that way.

I pelted across the university grounds, my long hair flying out behind me and only my hand keeping my trademark red, winged cap from flying off into the wide blue yonder.  I screeched round a sharp corner, barely keeping my feet and spotted Nansu, Carme and Kai waiting for me on the university steps.  I looked across a second.  Only a second, I swear.  To wave at them.  And went down in a sudden tumble of flailing limbs as I crashed into something or someone.

I hit the ground with a thump that knocked the air out of me, sort of turned it into a graceless roll and grabbed at my satchel which had gone flying.  I scrambled to my feet and dashed off again with a glance behind me at what I had crashed into.  “Sorry...”, I yelled as I rushed off.  There was an old fox lady and her cub.  A gypsy selling fortunes illegally on the university grounds.  I had crashed into her stand and sent her daughter who couldn't have been more than six or seven, flying.  I felt bad about the kid and embarrassed about the whole thing.  But she didn't seem hurt, so I guess it was okay.

I reached the steps and rushed up them, my face bright red.  But a glance at my watch told me at least I wouldn't be late today.  Guess there's a first for everything.  Carme was doubled up laughing.  She pushed me playfully “Oh, that's the funniest damn thing I've seen in ages.  I knew I could count on you to brighten my day, Cotokun”.  I blushed even redder.  Carme's voice was just made for insulting people.  That harsh cockney English accent just seemed so wrong coming from such a sleek and beautiful red haired black cat.  She was made for the term 'Sex Kitten'.  Hell, she even made nerd look downright sexy.  It didn't help that she was probably smarter than half the professors here too.  Nansu.  Sweet Nansu, my oldest friend in the world, was fussing over me, brushing me down.  But her expression was disapproving and her mouse tail flicked irritatedly.  I kept my mouth shut.  Who said I never learned from experience.  I tried to avoid making eye contact with Kai.  It didn't work.  She picked up her gym bag, the hilt of her green, wooden kendo sword sticking out of it.  They wouldn't let her carry her katana on the grounds thought I was sure she'd never really hurt anyone with it.  Not badly anyway.  Except maybe their pride.  “Cotokun”.  Uh oh.  She was really mad at me.  Normally she called me Cotokun-San.  “That was very rude and dishonourable.  You should have stopped and apologised.  She had a stern look on her face and her cute panda nose was wrinkled in distaste.  I wanted to tell her it made her look cute but, of course, I couldn't.  And certainly not in front of Carme, she'd have a field day with that one... oh and Nansu, of course.  She flicked her long bangs out of her eyes and walked away.  “I did say sorry...” I stammered weakly, but it fell on deaf ears.  “You would not have to rush so if you did not spend all night playing video games and sleep in”.  She muttered as she stalked off to her history class.  Not to study so much as to teach.  Well assist anyway.  She was working on her professorship.  Carme turned off to her Technology class leaving Nansu and I to head to the Art and Design class we shared.

By lunchtime it had all been forgotten and forgiven.  Except by Carme, of course.  I was going to be well and truly sick of trip, fall and fox jokes by the time she let this go.  To be honest, I was sick of them  already but there was no way I would tell her that.  She'd just redouble her efforts.  
The rest of the day passed without incident, but sadly not without a whole slew of ever-worsening jokes.  By the time class was finished I was dog-tired and just fell into bed.  Maybe Kai was right.  Playing video games 'till silly-o'clock in the morning just wasn't good for me.
I slept soundly.  Too soundly.  When I awoke the next morning I was still groggy and had a head that felt like it was full of fluff.  And dying for a pee.  I half crawled, half fell out of bed, landing with an almighty crash.  Whoa!  Was it just me or did it seem to be a long way from the bed to the floor today.
Standing up felt like too much of an effort for now, so I just crawled across my apartment to the toilet.  I used the toilet as a support to clamber to my feet.  What the hell!  I was only barely twice the height of the bowl!  I snapped wide awake.  What the hell was going on.  Was I on some sort of bad acid trip or something?  Had someone slipped me something last night.  Was that why I'd been so dead tired.  I suddenly remembered I was desperate to pee.  I reached down for... for something that wasn't there any more!  I froze.  Shocked.  Stunned.  To overcome to even think!  Terror made my bladder release itself.

I'm not sure how long I stood there.  Frozen.  Numb.  It could have been seconds.  It could have been hours.  Time didn't have any meaning any more.  What had happened to me!  It took more courage than I thought I had to clamber up on the toilet seat and look in the mirror I normally used for shaving.  Guess I wouldn't be doing that again for a while.  The thought was slightly hysterical and set me off giggling manically.  The laughter shook my tiny body and threatened to push me off my perch.  By the time I was... well I hesitate to say calmer... by the time I'd stopped laughing, I was crying... gasping for breath... hyperventilating.  This wasn't me.  I normally had more control than this.  There was some weird shit going on here.  This went far beyond just being small.  It was like my emotions were too big for this smaller body and the slightest thing could make them come tumbling out.

I steeled myself.  Gathering up the shreds of courage I had left, I stood back, teetering on the edge of the toilet seat so I could see as much of my...self as possible.  I hadn't just been unmanned.  I'd been girled.  Little girled.  I was a little girl.  I.  Was.  A.  Little.  Girl!
I have no idea how long I sat on the toilet seat, staring blankly.  My legs swinging. Too short to reach the floor.  But, by the time I had some measure of myself again, my skin was pimpled with goosebumps and I was shivering,  Though with the cold on my naked body, or just the shock I had no idea.  I forced myself to get up, to walk woodenly to the bedroom, away from the stench of the urine that puddled on the floor from my... accident.  I knew I should clean it up, but I couldn't face it.  I couldn't face anything.  What the Hell was going on!  What was I going to do!  I was a little girl!

For the first time in a long time, I didn't know what to do.  I mean... I mean...
I needed help.  I needed someone.  I needed another good cry.  God, where did that come from.  I needed...  It wasn't even a thought.  It was instinct.
I scrabbled through clothes that were far too big for me now.  And wrong sex!  I bit down on that thought.  I could cry later... oh God!  I found the mobile.  Child's hands felt clumsy in comparison to my normal grown up hands.  God I could probably barely hold a pencil now, never mind draw with any accuracy.  Lord, that was random.  I needed to get a grip before I went into hysterics again.  I almost hit speed-dial, but changed my mind at the last minute.  I sent a text.  One word.  All capitals.  HELP.  Who did I send it to?  Do you even need to ask?  I crawled back under the covers hugging myself and rocking to and fro.  Some deep seated need for normality in all this madness made me pull my hat on.  Though now it was at least three times too big for me.

Less than a minute later Nansu was hammering frantically at my front door.  My oldest.  My closest friend.  Quiet, sweet Nansu, who was always there for me.  The door opened and I heard voices, several voices.  Oh God!  It wasn't just Nansu.  It was Nansu, Kai... and Carme!
Nansu sounded frantic and I could imagine her darting around, her tail flicking worriedly.  Even the normally calm Kai's voice was slightly cracked as she called out.

It was Nansu who found me.  Her expression was brittle and her voice filled with false cheer.  “Hi Honey.  Who are you?  Do you know where Coto... Cotokun  is?  I'm his friend, Nansu.  I mouthed the words I wanted to say.  But I couldn't make them come out.  Kai and Carme heard the commotion and came in.  Kai's eyes narrowed and she looked.  I mean really looked at me.
“Who do you think she is?”, Nansu asked the other two.  “Coto never mentioned a sister or a niece staying over.  Surely she knows where he is”.  She sounded desperate, but I still couldn't make the words come out.
Kai put a hand on Nansu's shoulder and spoke thoughtfully and quietly.  “I don't think she knows where Coto is... I think she is Coto”.  The other two turned to stare at her as if their heads were swivel mounted.  “Look at the hat.  Coto never takes that cap off.  He would certainly never lend it to anyone.  See the hair.  The shape of the face”.  Her voice was becoming more certain with each incredulous word.  “Most of all, the eyes.  I am almost certain.  Ridiculous as it may seem.  This is him.  Isn't that right Cotokun-san”.  She directed the question at me.  “It's true!”, I bawled.  The silence that followed was thick enough to walk on, and was just as suddenly shattered by a raucous belly laugh from Carme.  “Coto...” she guffawed, “Oh that's just tooo rich!”.

It took a good five minutes before Carme stopped laughing.  I guess the only positive thing about it was that I quickly went through embarrassment and shame and out the other side into indignation.  “All right, Carme.  We get it.  It's funny.  That enough now!”, I shouted.  Though it came out more as an indignant squeak.  She stopped mid-laugh, absolutely calm.  She turned away but not before she tipped me a wink.
It  took me a couple of minutes to think my way through that one.  Her actions had forced me through the embarrassment and the self-indulgent shame into an emotional state I could actually work with.  She'd cut through the others embarrassment just as sharply, taking us all to a place where we could begin to solve this awful dilemma.  All without breaking character.  I looked at her with new found respect.  Sometimes that girl was scarily smart.

Of course, this being Carme, I'd pay for it in spades before this nightmare was over.  “Well at least you can say you've seen a girl naked, now”, she chimed in from across the room.  I put my head in my hands.  Here we go.  “I guess it's a good job you're too young to bleed.  We'd never have got you out of the bedroom, then”.  I really cringed at that one.  And so it went on.  “Carme.”, Kai warned her finally.  “Enough”.  Even Kai was cringing a little.  Carme blithely ignored her of course, but quietened after a moment.
I wriggled down off Nansu's knee for the nth time.  She would make a wonderful mother someday, but for now, her habit of picking me up and sitting me on her knee was getting frustrating.  And annoying.  I pulled up the towel I was using for a dress.  I might be a girl right now but that didn't mean I was comfortable being naked in front of my girl friends... err... friends who were girls.   Nansu had found me the towel and then gone back into the bathroom and cleaned up my... accident.    Not even Carme had commented on that.  It made me nervous.

I paced back and forth angrily, trying to avoid their eyes.  Kai's in particular were shining slightly in concealed mirth.  I guess angry pacing doesn't have quite the same visual effect when you're a six year old girl dressed in a towel and a cap three times too big for you.  “What am I going to do?”, I cried plaintively.  “What the hell happened to me?”.  
“Magic”.  Kai was ever the one to point out the elephant in the room.
“No shit, Sherlock!”, Carme chipped in.  “Of course it was magic.  There isn't anything else in the world that could have this kind of effect.  They went and re-wrote half his DNA sequences.  And I bet the hormones are playing merry hell in there.  Everyone in the room turned to look at her. It was Nansu who voiced our thoughts, “I thought you were a tech student, when did you become a biology major?”.  “Silly little mouse”, Carme chided her gently.  “Technology relies upon all the sciences, not just physics.  You need a good grounding in all the branches.  Including biology”.
“And I believe I know who... and why”, Kai suddenly stole the stage with her quiet announcement.
The silence was palpable.
“And you're just gonna leave us bloody hanging aren't you!”, Carme broke in.  Her quick mind and unnaturally high energy levels made patience something that happened to other people.  Turning from one to the other I almost felt like I was watching a tennis match.  A slow, knowing smile worked it's way across Kai's cute face.  Her gentle, understated wit was one of the things I loved about her.  Such a contradiction to Carme's fast and often harsh jokes and innuendos.

“It was the Roma... the Romani.  Gypsies.  This must be their punishment for knocking over the little girl.  You showed no concern... no remorse.  Your apology was as trite as it was short and impersonal.  Now you get to see how big the world is from a little girl's perspective.  Think of it as a lesson in humility and caution.  This is why you do not mess with the Roma.  Gypsy curses have a habit of turning very nasty.  You have to make reparations to the parent and the child and then beg them to take off the curse”.  She met my eyes, and hers were deadly serious.  “And, Cotokun-san.  You had better be very, very convincing”.

“Well, if we are going out to see the gypsy witch, then you can't go out dressed like that”, Carme chimed in cheerily, breaking the spell.  But not, unfortunately, the curse.  You need to look decent and wholesome... well decent maybe”, she jibed.  “I'll just nip out and get you something suitable.  I'm a little short at the minute.  You won't mind if I take it out of this”, she was holding my wallet aloft, “after all.  It is for you”.  She was out of the door before anyone could stop her.  Before I could do anything but swear.  Kai frowned at me.  “That is language unbecoming a young lady”, she intoned.  I turned to stare at her in shock.  Until I saw that sly smile again.  Damn, but she got me good that time.  Something inside me that was still me decided that I really did like that smile.  And wouldn't mind seeing more of it.

“If Carme's gone to get me some clothes, I'm going to get cleaned up”, I told the others.  My mind shrank away from the thought.  I hoped Carme would be sensible about it, but I doubted it.  The girl's sense of humour was too strange.  Too sharp.
“Do you need a hand?”, Nansu asked, concerned.  “No!”.  It was harsher than I intended, but I didn't know how to take it back.  Nansu hung her head sadly.  I wanted to say something but I didn't know what or how.  My emotions were all over the place.  Is this what girls felt like all then time?  I hadn’t even reached puberty yet.  What would it be like then.  I stopped in shock.  That was dangerous thinking.  Was my body starting to dictate to my head?  If I stayed like this much longer would I end up being a little girl for real?  I ran back out of the bathroom, and threw myself on Nansu, crying my eyes out.  What was wrong with me!  Apart from the obvious, of course.  Nansu never said a word.  She just gathered me up in her arms and rocked me gently.  I glanced up and saw her eyes.  The windows to her soul.  And they were clouded with conflicted emotions I couldn't begin to understand.  Kai's face bore no conflict.  Only pure worry.  As the emotional turmoil began to wear off, Nansu looked down at me with a glint in her eyes.  “You know I always said you were cute, Coto.  Now you're ten times as cute”.  I went pale.  Then beetroot.  Frustration and embarrassment made me clench my tiny fists and my arms to my sides.  Even Kai couldn't quite stop the snort of suppressed laughter.  I slid down from her knee is silence and stomped off to the bathroom to clean up and throw a tantrum.
Only to find that I couldn't quite reach the taps.  Contritely, I stuck my head around the corner.  “Nansu...  I... I can't reach the taps.  Can you help me... Please”.  My voice was so quiet it was barely audible.  It hurt me deep inside to have to ask for help for even such a simple thing.  Was this to be my life now?  Helpless.  Incapable of the simplest tasks.  Nansu, bless her, came without a word, but her eyes were troubled.

That was when Carme bounced back into my apartment with a crash of the door.  “Where's Nansu and sweet-cheeks”, she cried to Kai.  “Nansu is helping Cotokun-san to get cleaned up”.  “Oooh.  Well she's always wanted to get him nak...”.  Carme was interupted by the unmistakable steely slither of a sword being drawn.  “You will stop that right now!  You will say no such thing to Nansu.  She is having enough trouble with this as it is.  Are we clear, Carme”.  Kai's voice was low and tense.  Even through the bathroom wall I could feel the tension.  There was silence that seemed to go on forever.  Then finally the sound of the sword being sheathed.  “And what about you, Kai?”, Carme added quietly, almost diffidently.  “How much trouble are you having with this”.  “I...I do not know what you mean!”.  I don't think I'd ever heard Kai's voice so unsure of itself.  I looked up at Nansu.  She had her eyes tight shut and I would bet she was wishing she could do the same with her ears.  I know I did.  She finished drying me noisily, and we walked back out into the main room.

You would have never have guessed the exchange had taken place.  Kai was leaning against the wall, as relaxed as she ever looked, and Carme had her head in the bag of shopping making pleased sounds.
She looked up and the glint in her eye prepared me for the worst.  “Sweetie!  I got you the most gorgeous outfit.  And it was even on sale.  Only forty dollars”.  My face fell.  That was almost my weekly food bill.  She whipped out this horrendous pink fluffy dress, with lace edging and covered in bows in pastel colours.  And a matching pair of shoes.  Pink shoes.  With bows.  PINK!
Nansu just burst out laughing.  Almost hysterical.  And Kai, sensible Kai, never uttered a sound.  She just folded up in silent laughter, ending up in a heap on the floor.

With no other choice, ten minutes later I was dressed in the god-awful pink frilly thing.  After a lifetime of jeans and a T-shirt it felt strange to be bare legged.  I had this irrational fear that the thing would blow up and expose my underwear, despite the fact it pretty much brushed my ankles.  Underwear which was as pink and frilly as the dress, thanks to Carme.  I found new respect for the girls in their mini-skirts in that moment.
Nansu offered me a mirror but I turned away.  I really didn't want to see what I looked like.  I'm sure my face was even pinker than that awful dress.  And it had taken a tantrum to stop her tying my hair up in a matching pink ribbon.  “Look.  Can we just go now!” I finally demanded petulantly.  “In just a second”, called Carme, pulling out her camera.

What would have been a short, painless journey on any other day, was far from it.  Everything was so much bigger than I was.  I felt small, insignificant.  And I didn't like it.  People jostled me, ignoring me.  Like I wasn't important, some lesser form of life.  Some small annoyance getting underfoot, tripping at their feet.  Few if any offered even a conciliatory word in passing.  One or two even swore at me.  The first time it happened, Kai shot me a withering glance.  But as the journey went on, her expression hardened. The first time I was knocked down, Nansu had to stop Kai from hurting the offender.  From that moment on, she walked with her hand on the Panda-girl's sword arm.  Surprisingly, it was Carme who helped me to my feet.  Carme who held my hand and shielded me from the worst of the bustle with her own body, her expression unfathomable.

It was only three hundred yards to the university from the student accommodation where my apartment was, but it felt like three times that on the short, stubby legs I now had.  Legs that felt quite tired after all that walking and being bumped and jostled.  I was glad when we finally reached the gates.  Well that's not exactly true.  I was frustrated and bruised in both body and spirit.  It would be truer to say that I was relieved when we finally reached the university gates.

Regardless, I dashed ahead to the spot where the old gypsy woman was always camped out.  She was pretty much a regular feature here.  Except today.  Today there was no sign of her.  No makeshift stall.  No roughly handwritten sign, misspelled on a piece of cardboard.  I stopped dead.  My world pretty much ended right there and then.  My bottom lip began to quiver.  The girls caught up to me and took in the scene and lack of a gypsy woman.  Nansu bent down and pulled me in for a hug.  “It's all right, baby”, she whispered placatingly, “It'll be all right.  We'll find her”.  I wanted to protest that I wasn't a baby, but I was too busy sobbing into her shoulder.  

My little tantrum was drawing attention.  Students on their way to and from classes were starting to stare.  Carme turned around, her face full of hell.  Then I saw her eyes narrow as she recognised someone out of the crowd.  She caught her tirade just in time and singled out her victim instead.  “Hey! Tristan”, she called out to a badger in a red T-shirt and a green bandana, “you mangy piece of roadkill”, she called him good naturedly.  I heard his low groan even from where I was standing.  He  looked up and the crowd were turning to look at him.  I could feel them thinking that this should be more interesting than a little girl throwing a hissy fit.  “Hi Carme...”, he replied resignedly, his shoulders sagging in defeat already.  As the attention  focused on him, Nansu and Kai drew me off to the cover of one of the buildings.  In terms of a victim, Tristan was easy meat for someone like Carme.  He was plump and not terribly bright or popular.  He preferred tinkering with his motorcycle at home to socialising with the other kids.  But if he was in a biker gang then it had to be the softest, most pussyfooted one out there.  Carme rarely bothered with him, he was too easy a victim.  She called it 'shooting fish in a barrel... with a sawn-off'.  “So what happened to the old fox woman, here?” Carme demanded.  Tristan brightened up, obviously hoping the information would get him off lightly.  “Didn't you hear?  She went ape-shit when one of the students knocked her little girl down... nothing serious just a bump.  But she went totally gaga and started shouting and cursing.  In the end the Dean had to call the police and have her removed”.  

Kai turned and gave me a look that spoke volumes.
But Carme was back in full flow, “Oh I bet she loved that.  The Dean loves to throw her weight around... there's so much of it”.  There were hisses of disbelief from the students.  Many of them were looking over their shoulders and slinking quietly away.  “Oh no”, replied Tristan excitedly, “you know how she hates extra paperwork”.  He was starting to look around nervously too, but didn't dare leave until Carme had finished with him.  “Okay”, she said.  “You can piss-off, now”.  He almost ran, glad to get off so lightly.  “Oh Tris-tannnn”, Carme called in a sing-song voice as he dashed off.  I saw his shoulders hunch in preparation for the worst.  “Thanks”.  He was so shocked that he couldn't help turning his head to stare at her.  And ran straight into one of the decorative pillars on the frontage of the main building.

Carme strode over to us.  “Well that was interesting, wasn't it”.  “What!” I stormed.  “The fact I not only get myself turned into a flaming little girl, but end up getting the one person who can un-curse me kicked off campus and ending up god-only-knows where!  Sure.  Great”.  She waved a finger negatively and annoyingly about an inch in front of my nose.  “You're not thinking, little kitten”, she said in that annoying sing-song voice.  I looked at her wryly, waiting with overstated patience for the answer she obviously had that no-one else did.  She drew it out for a full two minutes before her need to show how clever she was won out.  
“Tristan said there was paperwork... a police report”.  “Yeah.  So”.  I was being petulant now, but I couldn't help myself.  “Soooo... any police report would include the names of all those involved... including our mysterious gypsy fox lady”.  “So!”, I repeated.  “So once we have her name, we can circulate through the travellers camp on the north side of town until we find someone who can point us in her direction!”.  She sounded so self-satisfied.
“You are missing one thing, Carme”, Kai interupted.  “How do we get that name off the report?  The Dean will not simply tell us, were we to ask”.  Carme smiled beatifically.  “That's easy.  We break in and steal it”.  It was the calm, unruffled way in which she said it that terrified me.

She let it hang there for a moment, absorbing our shocked faces with girlish joy, even glee.  “Well we don't actually have to steal it, we just need a quick peek.  No-one will ever know.  Tomorrow's Friday.  We'll do it tomorrow.  After lunch.  The Dean always has a glass of whiskey in the common room during third period on Fridays.  For medicinal purposes”.  I didn't ask how she knew.  If Carme said it was, then chances were, it was.
“You've done it before!”, Nansu exclaimed, her voice filled with awe.  And shock.

Carme merely smiled.

“Speaking of lunch”, she continued.  “I'm starving.  Lets go eat”.  She turned to me with a mock serious look on her face, “And if you eat up all your dinner, little Coto, then you might get a nice pudding”.  I stuck my tongue out at her.

“But tomorrow.  I can't wait until tomorrow”, I exclaimed.  “I have class this afternoon”.  “That's no problem”, Carme replied.  “Nansu can make excuses for you when she goes.  I mean everyone knows she just about lives in your pocket anyway”.
”CARME!”, Nansu exclaimed.  “Well, it's true, little mouse”, Carme explained.  Nansu made a huffed noise and stuck her nose in the air and stormed off.  With a glower at the unrepentant cat-girl, Kai quickly followed.

I was left with Carme.  Let's just say it wasn't the most pleasant day of my life.  I love Carme to bits, as a friend of course, but I do love her.  And I hate her too.  The thing about Carme is, well.  In short bursts Carme is radical, and funny, and charismatic.  You sort of get carried along on a wave of manic energy and wit.  But over the long term, she's hard work.  The jibes never stop.  And she often doesn't know where to draw the line.  Or possibly that there is a line.  I really prefer not to think about that day any more.
Though there is one incident that will haunt me forever.  We were returning home after the meal, passing the university, when I suddenly felt that urge.  Now I'd been a little girl for all of about three or four hours.  I had no idea of how to hold it in.  Carme took charge and led us across the grounds the the girl's changing rooms.  I baulked at that idea.  I'd probably be mentally scarred forever.  Or start having thoughts that were very, very wrong for a six year old girl.  But the urge was desperate, I didn't have any choice.  Except that gathered around outside, waiting to cheer on the football team, were the cheer-leading squad.  Those gorgeous girls, and all in their cheerleader outfits.  Oh I hated Carme at that moment.  Or I thought I did.  She ushered me past them, thankfully the place was empty.  “Go on, Puddle”, she said.  “Puddle?” asked one of the cheerleader's, “Why do you call her Puddle?”.  “Oh”,  said Carme, as if she hadn't really thought about it.  “Well, you see.  She gets over excited sometimes and doesn't quite make it... and, well... she leaves a puddle”.  There was a chorus of mixed disgust and giggles.
I went bright red with embarrassment.  With anger, even rage.  And then I lost control.
And I lived up to the name she had given me.

I sat in the cubicle, sobbing my eyes out, as quietly as I could.  For more than ten minutes, before Carme came to find me.  “That was cruel!”, I told her between sobs.  “I HATE You!”.  She helped me clean up.  Trying to make conversation.  Trying to make me laugh.  It didn't work.  I could see she was sorry, but I could also see in her eyes that she didn't understand what was different about this joke.  
I've often wondered about Carme.  She's insanely clever, but she's got this... personality problem.  I wonder if maybe she's so clever because somewhere else in her head she's not wired up right.  She broke something between us that day.  Something that I don't think we can fix.  I still love her, sort of, she's my friend.  But I hate her as well.  Really hate her.  I'm not really sure it's her fault.  But...

I never spoke to her for the rest of the day.  I didn't tell Nansu or Kai what she'd done.  That wouldn't have helped.  But they knew she'd done something.  I cried myself to sleep that night.  But quietly.  I didn't want anyone to hear.  To know.  I'd done a lot of crying today.  I could blame this one on being a little girl too.  But I think.  Deep down.  Girl or boy.  I just needed a good cry.

I slept late that morning.  No-one chose to wake me from my slumber.  I think we were all hoping I would wake on my own and find this whole thing had been nothing but a nightmare.  I stumbled through to the main room in my nightie.  My 'Hello Kitty' nightie.  Rubbing tiredly at my eyes.  I blinked several times and then pointed.  “Kitty-cat!”.  Every one in the room jumped.  “Kitty-cat!”.  I ran over to Carme, who froze absolutely still.  A look of shock and frightened indecision marred her perfect features.  “Stroke the kitty-cat”.  I started to stroke her black furred leg.  There was absolute, horrified silence in the room.  “Pull the kitty-cat's tail”.  I swear she shot five feet straight up, with a pained, frightened yowl.  Kai was on her feet, grabbing my hand.  “No Coto!” she shouted, probably harsher than she intended.  “You do not pull the kitty-cat's tail”.  
“Why not?”, I replied in my normal voice.  “She pretty much spent most of yesterday pulling mine”.  It took a second to sink in.  Then the relief in the room was palpable.  Nansu ran across and caught me in a bear hug.  “Don't ever do that again!”, she admonished me.  “I nearly had a heart attack there”.  I wormed my way out of her arms and looked at Carme.  She walked over, absently massaging her tail, with a wry grin on her face.  Then with great ceremony and grace she curtseyed to me.

And in that moment I suddenly understood something.  “You're the Scorpion!”, I blurted out.  “Silly boy... err girl... err boy... Oh you know what I mean!  I'm not a scorpion, I'm a cat.  But I do have a sting in my tail”, she smirked.  “No.  In Aesop's Fables.  The Scorpion and the Fox.  It's your nature.  I understand now”.

Kai and Carme left soon after.  Both had class second period.  Nansu and I had a free day.  One advantage of Art and design classes was the long weekend.  Although the way things were looking it could be another twelve years before I could enjoy it properly.  Assuming I adjusted.  I shuddered.  Just the thought creeped me out.  What truly disheartened me was that the thought had even occurred to me.  Was this acceptance.  Was I giving up my whole life... identity... Hell, gender! So easily?  Nansu stayed with me.  She seemed less uneasy around me now, but she seemed to flip between treating me as myself, and as a little girl.

We had arranged to meet the others at the gyspy woman's spot.  As Nansu and I rounded the corner I felt my heart suddenly race at the hope the gypsy woman might be back here today, however unlikely.  Bitter disappointment stopped me in my tracks.  I felt my lower lip tremble familiarly.  No!  I would not cry this time.  I might be a little girl right now, but I wasn't going to cry like one.  I clenched my fists and forced the tears back.

Carme was there though.  But she was on her own.  “Where's Kai?” I demanded.  “She wouldn't come”, Carme answered.  “How did she put it...”.  She put her hands together and assumed a pious expression.  A parody of a Zen monk.  “What you are doing is wrong, no matter how right the reasons.  I cannot, in good conscience, take part.  I will not abandon you, but I cannot do this.  I will meet with you after... it is done”.  It was even a passable impersonation of Kai's intonation.  “That is very good, Carme.  Almost word perfect”.  Carme jumped as Kai came around the corner.  I ran to her and gave her a hug, “You changed you're mind.  Oh thank you.  Thank you, Kai”.  She pushed me away gently but firmly.  “I changed my mind.  But not in the way you want.  It seemed... cowardly not to tell you myself.  But it seems Carme has done a fine job in my stead”.  She bent down to look me in the eyes, holding my hands in hers.  “I will not do this.  But that does not mean I do not support you.  I wanted to tell you that.  In person”.  I hugged her again to hide the disappointment that I couldn't keep off my face.  But it was hard, very hard, watching Kai walk away.

Carme led us around the back of the building to where the Dean's office faced out onto the playing fields.  No-one was playing today.  I would have said luckily but I'm pretty sure Carme had planned for this.  Carme put a finger to her lips.  There was smoke coming out of the open window of the office.  I glowered at Carme.  She shrugged.  “If I'd told you the Dean would be in her office, you'd never have gone for this”, she whispered.  “Don't worry.  I'll get her out, and Nansu can lift you in through the window.  Get what we need and get out again”.  “How”, Nansu mouthed.  Carme produced a cigarette from her pocket.  “I borrowed this from Taylor.  I thought I might set off the fire alarms”.  I gaped at her and managed to whisper back. “If you got that from Taylor, You'd better hope it's just tobacco!”.  She smirked annoyingly before creeping off.

It was barely a minute later when the alarm sounded.  A second or two later there was a startled squawk from in the office as the sprinkler system kicked in.  The cigarette dropped out of the window and there was some swearing and the shriek of a chair being thrown back before the loud slam of a door.  Nansu peeped cautiously in the window which was at chest height on her, then nodded me over.  She boosted me in through the open window and ducked out of sight to keep watch.

Inside I was soon soaked by the sprinklers.  I pulled the file drawer open with an effort.  There must be at least a gazillion files in here, I thought.  Finally I found the one I wanted.  I opened it, and skimmed through.  Finally I found the name, Tshilaba Gaurige.  It then that I suddenly realised the sprinklers, and indeed the alarm, had stopped.  And I had been so intent on my search that I hadn't noticed.  I heard the heavy footsteps of the Dean outside the door.  Panicking, I dived under the desk, leaving the file discarded on the floor behind me.  The door opened and she walked in with the awkward, flat footed steps of the obese.  
She had to be at least fifty and probably five hundred pounds in weight.  The plaid skirt and brown cardigan, along with her iron grey hair tied up in a bun, made her look like a caricature.  Some Dickensian School mistress.  
“Bloody kids!”, she wheezed, flopping down into her chair, which groaned ominously.  She spotted the file lying on the floor.  “How did you get down there?”, she muttered and bent to pick it up.  I scooted back as far as I could into the corner under the desk.  Just in time.  She dropped the file back into it's drawer and pushed her chair in.  Pressed against the back of the desk I was barely an inch from her horrid, fat, and after her unexpected exercise, sweaty leg.  I was fighting not to panic, my hand over my mouth in case I breathed too hard, or lost it and screamed.
I heard the clink of the bottle hitting the edge of the glass.  Oh God!  She was settling down for another drink.

Suddenly there was the sound of breaking glass down the hall.  “Oh Bloody Hell!”, she exclaimed, jumping to her feet and stomping heavily out, “What now!”.  I heard the door slam and bolted out of my hiding place to the window, arms up to be lifted out.  But Nansu wasn't there.  I grabbed the chair and pulled it over to the window.  I scrambled up it and out the window, knocking it over in the process.  I fell heavily to the ground and knocked the wind out of me.  Nansu came darting around the corner managing to look embarrassed, shocked and somehow pleased with herself all at the same time.  She picked me up and we both walked off with unseemly haste.  Right into Carme, who was smiling like the Cheshire Cat.  “Oh my God, Nansu.  You little rebel.  Breaking the glass in the trophy cabinet.  I'm so proud of you”.  Nansu put her head down, blushing furiously.  
“I had to do something!”, Nansu blurted.  The Dean came back too quickly.  She sat right at the desk with Coto hiding under it.  Carme turned a sly look on me.  “You looked up her skirt, didn't you.  I bet you did, you dirty beggar!”.  I suddenly felt sick.  Physically sick.  My face went so green that Nansu pulled up short.  I had my hand over my mouth.  “Shut up, Carme!”, I spat, “Or I'll  be sick all over your nice clean fur”.  With a yowl, she jumped back and fixed me with a scowl.

We met Kai at the gates.  Carme was still teasing poor Nansu rotten.  “Oh Kai”, she gushed with false exuberance.  “You should have seen her.  Nansu saved the day.  She deserves a trophy”.  Exasperated, Nansu pushed at the taller girl, ”Carme...”.
Kai had a tolerant smile one her face.  “You were successful, then”, she made it a statement.  I opened my mouth excitedly to tell her all about it.  Now it was over, it seemed like quite the little adventure.  But Kai held up a hand.  “I do not wish to know.  It is enough to know you were successful”.  We turned out the gates and began the long walk to the other side of town where the gypsies had a semi-permanent camp.  I kept quiet about the strain of the long walk.  None of us owned a car, but I wouldn't put it past Carme to suggest stealing one.  In jest, of course.  I think.

The camp was on open ground about a mile outside the town centre.  It was one of the strangest places I've ever seen.  It was like old an new had been thrown together in some hodgepodge manner.  Horse-drawn caravans that belonged in the last century were parked next to brand new Dodge Pick-ups and beat up saloon cars.  The vehicles encircled the camp like a  perimeter with only one obvious route in.  There were no structures that I could see, the mainstay of the camp was a mix of mobile homes and caravans like you would find nowhere else.  TV antennae and satelite dishes sprouted from roofs like a pox.  Somewhere near the centre, a gasoline powered generator that sounded on it's last legs clunked and whirred away, belching a constant plume of thick black smoke into the air.

Kai stopped us just before the 'gate'.  Children ran wild around the camp outskirts. Some looked as feral as the dogs they chased.  They were a mix of human and animal species.  The animals mostly of the scavenger types; foxes, badgers, ferrets and the like.  She handed out a headscarf to each of us and commanded us to put it on.  Normally self-effacing, I had never heard her so commanding.  “It is an affront for females to enter the camp with their heads uncovered”, she explained shortly.  Her eyes moved constantly and she wore her sword openly.
“You know something of our ways, woman”.  The voice was strong and masculine and matched by it's owner.  A muscular, ginger tomcat, he wore his shirt loose and belted like an old fashioned tunic.  With the spotted kerchief he wore, gypsy style, and the gold ring in his left ear,  he could have easily passed muster as a pirate.  Their was an easy confidence and charm to him.  “I know you, Bare Roma”, Kai replied, “And I do not think much of the legendary hospitality of the Romani”.  He opened his mouth to reply in anger, and thought the better of it, bowing floridly.  “Why don't you leave your pretty friend here to entertain me”, his eyes gave Carme an exaggerated once-over.  Carme hissed, and her claws popped out.  Something I'd never seen from her.  Kai laid a calming hand on her arm.  “He's baiting you, hoping you will break the rules of hospitality, freeing him”.  She turned to him, edging her sword out a single inch.  “You already lost the battle in guile, Bare Roma, How much more face would you lose if I beat you in combat?”.  He laughed easily.  “I like you woman.  You should have been born a man.  You would be Bare Roma yourself”.  Kai bowed, never taking her eyes off him.  Taking his words as compliment.  He gestured into the compound.  “Come, enjoy the hospitality of  the Kelderari”.  

As we searched the encampment we found no answers.  No-one bothered us, though I felt uneasy, often watched by groups of young men, lounging idly on the steps of their caravans.  As we approached their conversation would stop, and take up again when we passed.  Always in that gobbledygook that passed for their own language.  But our questions were met with polite incomprehension.  Though I was sure they understood us just fine.
Carme kept glancing behind where the tomcat followed idly at a short distance.  “I just wish he'd go away and stop following us”, she hissed to Kai.  “He gives me the creeps”.  Kai didn't even look back.  “What he gives us is protection.  No-one will harm us while he is here.  The Romani regard women as property.  Without him, someone would likely have tried to claim ownership by now”.  Carme looked at her in disbelief.  “That...that's barbaric”.  Kai shrugged.  “It is tradition”.  She grabbed at a passing child and relieved it of something in it's hand.  She passed the purse back to Carme.  “That does not mean they will not rob us blind.  Guard well your valuables”.  Mocking laughter came from behind us.  We resolutely ignored it.

Finally a door opened in front of us.  “Well, you're persistant.  I'll give you that”.  There was a fox cub at the door, no older than what I was now.  But her dress was much more sedate than the horror Carme had inflicted on me.  The voice had not been hers, it was a much, much older voice.  “You'd better come in”.

I'd expected it to be one of the oldest caravans, not much more than a wooden box on wheels, pulled by a horse.  But it wasn't.  It was a moderate sized mobile home.  The door opened not into a dark, mysterious interior, but a brightly lit kitchenette.  So much for convention.

As we stepped inside, the fox cub watched us with nervous, careful eyes.  But there were far more discerning eyes upon us.  The old fox woman, Tshilaba looked each of us over carefully as we entered her home, whilst pretending a certain indifference.  Her eyes were bright, a vivid turquoise colour which was a bit disconcerting.  Now that I was actually looking at her properly, there was no mistaking the intelligence and more than that, the sheer will behind those eyes.

She gestured for us to sit on the long seat across the small, round table from her.  “You choose your kumpania well, Lahzajmos.  Perhaps better than you know.  Mother, Maiden and Crone”.  Her eyes travelled to Nansu, Kai and Carme, who bristled.  “Crone!  What do you mean crone”, Carme demanded hotly, “You...”.  She was brought up sharp by Kai, who reached out and flicked her nose, like you would a naughty puppy or kitten.  Carme stopped mid-rant, absolutely stunned, her mouth hanging open in utter shock.  Caught totally off-guard I laughed out loud, and Nansu, unable to help herself, giggled like a schoolgirl.  It was the first time I'd ever seen Carme lost for words.  “Hush, Carme”, Kai said absently, “Can't you see we're negotiating”.

The old fox turned those bright eyes on Carme, “Young and beautiful you might be, but a Crone you are.  By your words, and by your nature.  It is not a bad thing”
She turned to Kai.  “You surprise me, though, young one.  You are strong, and wise beyond your years.  I can see why Mihai is taken with you”.  Kai didn't even blink.  “Tell him I am honoured but I would not make a good bori.  I am not Romani.  I am outspoken and independent.  I would make him miserable and cost him much face”.  “I see this.  Though he might enjoy the challenge.  Sometimes he is perverse in that way.  But I will tell him.  The choosing of the bride is women's work, not men's”.

The gypsy woman turned to me.  “Magi Kai speaks well for you.  But what do you say?”.  I didn't understand.  Kai hadn't spoken a word about me at all.  But I took my cue.  “I came here with this big speech prepared”, I said.  “About how sorry I was, and full of pretty words and excuses.  I spent most of the night writing it”, I admitted ruefully.  “And now... And now, in light of meeting you.  I mean really meeting you.  And hearing Kai speak.  Well, it just sounds trite”.
“What do I say?”, I repeated the question back to her before walking over to the fox cub.  To my eternal shame, the little girl flinched at my approach.  I took her paws in my hands and looked her in the eye.  “I'm sorry”, I said simply, “Truly sorry.  I could make excuses about my life, about my world.  But right here, right now.  They don't mean a thing”.  Out of my line of sight, Kai nodded approvingly.
“I read on the internet, about making restitution.  A gift”.  I felt the temperature in the room drop, but I kept going, speaking directly to the cub.  “A gift.  Something of value other than wealth.  I didn't understand, until now.  I mean, not that I have any wealth, I'm a student”.  I took off my hat, twirling it thoughtfully in my hands, before placing it on her head.
I heard the concerted gasp from my friends, but I didn't dare look at them.  “It's my hat.  But it's more than that.  In a very real way, it's a piece of me”.

“You finally show some understanding”, the old woman approved.  The reaction of your kumpania shows that you speak the truth of it's worth.  “I find your gift acceptable.  But it is not my forgiveness you need.  It is Luminitsa's”.
“Well, Luminitsa?”, I asked the girl.  “Can you forgive me for being an inconsiderate jerk?  One girl to another?” I added self-depreciatingly.  She looked at me, head on one side consideringly.  Then pulled my... her cap down over her ears.  She suddenly gave me a hug, then with a quick glance at the old woman for permission, dashed off.
“I believe you have been forgiven”, the old woman stated.  She reached under the table and produced a wooden tray covered with a white cloth.  She then poured a jug of cold water out of the tap.  Whisking off the cloth she revealed a pentagram containing a small, worn book.  “My old sketchbook!”, I exclaimed.  “It fell out of your satchel when you crashed into us.  It gave me a sympathetic link to place the curse upon you”.  Carefully, starting at the tip of the pentagram she poured clean, cold water onto each of the points, working anti-clockwise.  As if dousing a flame.  Finally she removed the book and handed it back to me before snapping the wooden tray in half.  “This I will burn, just to be sure”, she told me.

“So this will break the curse?”.
I suddenly felt nauseous.  Ill.  Bloated.  Then all of a sudden I felt constricted.  As if all my clothes were several sizes too small.  With a ripping sound there was suddenly a sense of freedom and the feelings of constriction disappeared.  I looked down at myself and saw... myself.  My old self.  My grown-up male self.
And the torn remnants of the horrible pink fluffy dress floating to the floor.

There was all of a second's silence before Carme started.  “I hope you're not going fishing with that worm.  You'll barely manage to catch a tidler”.  Nansu and Kai were looking at each other and everywhere but at me, their cheeks flaming.  But not as badly as mine.  “Didn't anyone think to bring me any older-me sized clothes?”, I asked plaintively.  “Didn't you?”, Carme replied.
She turned to the other two, “Come on girls, time to head home.  Catch you later Coto...”.

I heard their voices continue, growing fainter as they left.
“So why did she call you Magi, Kai.  Are you dabbling in magic, now?”
“You are wrong, Carme...  Hmmm... I like that.  I think I will say it again.  You are wrong, Carme”.  I heard Carme's hiss of disgust, even over Nansu's giggle.  “Magi is not a magician or spellcaster.  That is a western corruption.   Though many of the Magi did dabble in sorceries, the true meaning of the word is “Seeker of the Truth”