Helmy says:
The pale green boy near the front of the class hums to himself, a wide, toothy grin spreading across his face as he looks over the students entering his classroom. "Well, well, well... these are all for me, are they? Hah, you poor bastards, I'm so sorry for you. My name is Professor Helmintio, and in the potionsmaking building, I am your god. So set up a fucking altar to me and work hard and you'll do just fine in the potions department."
A small assortment of potions sit on his desk. He picks a couple of them up and tosses them between his hands in delight. "I absolutely love potions. They're my damn pride and joy, and you'll show the department respect by putting your best effort into your assignments. That means no laziness, no tardiness, no excuses. Got it? Good! Let's get started!"
PTS 101: Introduction to Potions
Helmy says:
The shapeshifter takes out a book from behind his desk. It's rather huge, the pages made up of laminations, and starts to flip through it. From the students who can view the book from the front of the class, it seems that a plant has been laminated into the page with some description and information about it. "See this, suckers? I made this in my first year at the academy." He closes his eye briefly, then snaps the book shut. "You're going to be doing the same thing, because referencing is good for you."
He grabs a box of supplies from the closet, and drops laminating paper, a three ring binder, and some pens on each student's desk. "The one you create won't be comprehensive. All I'm asking for the start is for you to go to the Bad Greenhouse and locate five plants that fall under one category. Categories vary depending on what you want to study: say, you could look up plants that can KILL, plants that give HALLUCINATIONS, plants that cause DEPRESSION... I don't care, they just have to all match each other."
"Collect five leaves, and place them upon a paper, and write some about the plant: its uses and so forth. Just use one of the ingredient encyclopedias to get information, or you can ask me. Then put it all together and turn it in."
"Knowing what kind of ingredients go into potions is one of the most important things you'll learn. Plants are ultimately going to be the solid base of most potions. I mean, for fuck sake, potions don't use shit like eye of newt, so get that crap out of here."
[ Assignment - Come up with five fantasy plants and explain what they do ]
[ Melik - 5 ]
[ Torin - 5 ]
[ Kichiro - 5 ]
[ Lux - ]
PTS 102: Introduction to Potions Herbs
Helmy says:
"The purpose of your first assignment is going to allow you to make a basic herb-infused tea. By getting the proper ingredients that I direct you to, you'll be able to heal a certain ailment with it. One that you'll get to experience. Isn't that nice?"
There are a few boxes of small potions on his desk, each potion being about an inch tall. The potions in each box are the same color.
"These potions will cause a specific ailment. Your job in your team is to go to the Bad Greenhouse and harvest an herb that you can use to heal your ailment, then make it into a tea and drink it. You should all work together because you'll experience less pain if there's three people researching, now won't you?"
"The potion will activate in your system after twenty four hours, so you have plenty of time to cry yourselves to sleep in the library to look up a cure. And honestly, this isn't fucking hard. All you need to do is look up the uses of herbs, pick the right one for your ailment, then make a tea and drink it -- and boom, no worries. Easy stuff, right? I mean, you can read, right?"
"Because I swear I'll enroll you in the Drake Moritz School For Kids Who Can't Read Good And Want To Learn How To Do Other Things Good Too if you're so much of a dumbfuck that you fail this class."
[ Elizabeth - 4 ]
[ Jasper - 3 ]
[ Elena - 4 ]
He places a case of potions down on Elizabeth's desk, each a sky blue color. "These potions cause vomiting. And I mean, a lot of vomiting. You'll want to find an herb that helps relax the stomach. Your partners will be Jasper and Elena."
[ Ardent - ]
[ Kyann - ]
[ Anhk - ]
The next group gets a box of orange potions. "These potions cause severe fatigue, so you should find an herb that helps reduce fatigue. Easy. And don't delay it, or you'll find yourself too lazy to do your assignment... which you might be anyway, but whatever."
[ Kaine - ]
[ Akuskel - ]
[ Priscilla - ]
"Now, you last lucky bastards get a potion that causes constipation. So you'll want to get an herb that is a diuretic." He kind of squints at Kaine. "Though maybe you won't notice the difference."
"Anyway, like I said, you have TWENTY FOUR HOURS past drinking the potion to get your affairs together and figure out which herb you want to put in your tea. I trust you'll make haste, won't you? Oh yes... and you're not leaving this classroom until you drink your potion." 
[ Assignment: Draw or write about your character in the scenario explained above. They do successfully make that tea in time... right? ]
PTS 103: Mixing Miscellaneous
Helmy says:
The professor wrinkles his nose a little. "Okay, I didn't come up with this class. I guess the point of it is to teach you how to measure and mix normal stuff. Proper proportions and what a textbook means when it says 'use 1 part bla bla to two parts bla bla.' Because basic math is beyond you, I guess."
"Well, whatever. We're going to make some lotion, because I love lotion. Some days it's all that keeps me going." He throws a stapled together packet at Morgana's head. "Here's a recipe. The base plant is aloe, which you'd probably recognize as an all purpose healing plant."
[ Assignment - It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again ]
[ Morgana - 4 ]
PTS 302: Aphrodisiac Potions
Helmy says:
As he glances over the syllabus for the course, the light-haired professor starts to giggle and flush profusely. "So, I guess I see what you're interested in. No worries, aphrodisiac potions are my personal specialty, because their uses are... shall we say... delightful."
He plops onto his desk and opens a notebook. "First thing you should know: for weaker potions, or at least temporary ones, the main ingredients that you end up cultivating in the greenhouse would be gardenia plants and crocus plants, as they have a chemical compound called crocin that increases sexual appetite. The only downside is that it tends to only work on male-bodied people. This works for gradually increasing the sexual appetite of a subject."
"However, a lot of potions are going to want quicker, more drastic results, and that requires the use of testosterone. Potions based in testosterone will rapidly increase the sex drive of a subject, male or female, but it does have a lot of other side effects, like deepening of the voice, growth of body hair, redistribution of fat on the body, and so forth."
"Now, you might wondering, where the fuck do love potions come into all this? Well, they're based off an entirely different chemical all together, and that'd be oxytocin. It's the chemical your body releases when you fuck someone and want to cuddle afterwards. Some potionsmasters have called it the bonding chemical, as it increases desire to bond with someone. Combine this with some other potions ingredients and you have a very powerful love potion."
"So the first thing you're going to be doing is studying weaker aphrodisiac potions used with a base of crocin. Extract some from either the gardenias or crocus plants in the Bad Greenhouse and mix up a batch. Next, you'll find someone to test it on. Knowing you, you don't seem like the type to take advantage of someone, so just study their physical reaction to the potion and see what differences there are over the course of an hour or so. If they want to share some details, that's fine, too."
[ Sangeen - ]
PTS 303: Sleeping Potions
Helmy says:
The green-skinned boy yawns and says, "sleeping potions, huh? Boy, that makes me tired..." He pauses for a moment, as if to expect a laugh, then claps his hands and chuckles. "Man, I kill myself sometimes..."
"Anyway, like I said for aphrodisiacs, these come in a couple of different flavors depending on how quickly and forcefully you want to knock someone out. The simplest are the melatonin-blend sleeping potions that basically just increase melatonin in someone's brain, as one might assume, and it increases their desire to lay down and sleep."
"The second stage, of course, would be sleeping potions that use general anesthesias as their base and completely knock someone out without much warning or decision on the victim's part. You could consider them anesthesia potions just about as much as a sleeping potion, I guess, since they're about the same thing."
"But given as this is our first class, we'll be focusing on lighter sleeping potions in the form of melatonin-based ones. For that we'll be extracting melatonin from either feverfew plants, or if you feel like a bloody mess, go catch some animals and extract it from their pineal glands."
[ Sangeen - ]
PTS 403: Alchemy
Helmy says:
The professor stares at Jango for a long couple of seconds. "Yeah, this is super awkward. You were in all of my classes while I was learning, and here I am teaching you... yeah, definitely awkward." He runs a hand back through his hair and moves his gaze around spottily, then sits down on his desk and kicks his feet. "All right, well, alchemy. It's the skill of turning shit into other shit, basically. A lot of chemistry is based off that concept but a lot of people are obsessed with gold, I guess."
"Then, of course, there are all those wild tales about elixirs of life. I do know that there's one ingredient necessary to prolong life and it comes from an extremely difficult to find source, though fortunately in our own back yard, so to speak. The river flowing through the northern woods contains a strange compound that promotes rapid cell regeneration. It might not make much of a difference to someone our age, but if you're older and need cell regeneration, or you just happen to be sick, it'll like... turn the years back on your body."
"So I guess my assignment is going to be to find the river in the woods and take a sample from it. Truth be told, it's not going to be easy. I've never been able to find it. I guess if you can't find it, that's fine, you could write something on other ingredients purported to promote regeneration and extend life."
[ Jango - ]
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