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Edit: Well that has to be the most incomplete submission I've ever made! Here it is again folks, like it should be, and formatting fixed.
I've only released this to a few people to read after having it kicking around for a while as part of a novella; it's some of my most sensitive work, so I'm interested in your responses particularly in a few specific areas:
1. Do you find this scene too graphic? Does it make you uncomfortable?
2. Do you think it could be as powerful if it were written less graphically?
3. Do you think the subject of sexual abuse is relevant enough to give this piece value for today?
4. Does this sample spark any interest in you to hear the back-story?
5. The title has changed about 60-billion times since I uploaded it the other day - any suggestions?
I've only released this to a few people to read after having it kicking around for a while as part of a novella; it's some of my most sensitive work, so I'm interested in your responses particularly in a few specific areas:
1. Do you find this scene too graphic? Does it make you uncomfortable?
2. Do you think it could be as powerful if it were written less graphically?
3. Do you think the subject of sexual abuse is relevant enough to give this piece value for today?
4. Does this sample spark any interest in you to hear the back-story?
5. The title has changed about 60-billion times since I uploaded it the other day - any suggestions?
Comments5
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OKAY. I have finally read it, although it's been nearly two months since your request... Wow, I'm really bad. I'll start by answering your questions.
1. Actually, I don't find this scene very graphic at all. You did a really great job of making your reader feel, without describing too much, which is a pretty incredible feat. I wouldn't say it was subtle, but I've read similar scenes that were just too scream-in-your-face graphic. So on that front, you did a really good job. Of course, it made me uncomfortable; but not in a bad way. In a I'm-in-the-brain-of-a-person-who's-being-raped way. There's no way of writing that scene to not make the reader feel uncomfortable, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Some truths are uncomfortable.
2. It's an insanely powerful scene, but as I've mentioned, I don't think it's very graphic at all. I'm not sure how one could re-write this scene to make it less graphic. So I would leave it as it is.
3. YES. Of course. There's no question.
4. DOUBLE YES. I am totally intrigued. I'd love to hear a) the backstory and b) where the story is going. It seems like a key event in the overall story, and I'd love to see how the rest of it fits around this scene.
5. Personally, I dislike one-word titles. But I can see how it is relevant to the story. Unfortunately, I myself am horrible at making up titles. Is this the title of the single scene or chapter, or is it the name of the full work? If it's the title of the full work, I would definitely change it. I would never buy a book at a bookstore called "Desire" (and I'm sure there must be other novels with the same title). But if it's just a chapter title, then it works just fine.
"He sat back against the wall beside her, and she was relieved that he kept his distance, but the smell of his breathe was still repulsively near." - Small typo: it should be "the smell of his breath".
I enjoyed the style of this piece. I found it pretty subtle, in that it wasn't very wordy or flowery or anything like that, but in such a plot-heavy scene, it should be that way. The words should never overpower the story. It did a good job of telling the story as it was without drawing attention to itself, which was great.
All in all, I'm totally intrigued. Hope this helped, and sorry again for the long wait! Hopefully it was worth it, haha!
1. Actually, I don't find this scene very graphic at all. You did a really great job of making your reader feel, without describing too much, which is a pretty incredible feat. I wouldn't say it was subtle, but I've read similar scenes that were just too scream-in-your-face graphic. So on that front, you did a really good job. Of course, it made me uncomfortable; but not in a bad way. In a I'm-in-the-brain-of-a-person-who's-being-raped way. There's no way of writing that scene to not make the reader feel uncomfortable, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Some truths are uncomfortable.
2. It's an insanely powerful scene, but as I've mentioned, I don't think it's very graphic at all. I'm not sure how one could re-write this scene to make it less graphic. So I would leave it as it is.
3. YES. Of course. There's no question.
4. DOUBLE YES. I am totally intrigued. I'd love to hear a) the backstory and b) where the story is going. It seems like a key event in the overall story, and I'd love to see how the rest of it fits around this scene.
5. Personally, I dislike one-word titles. But I can see how it is relevant to the story. Unfortunately, I myself am horrible at making up titles. Is this the title of the single scene or chapter, or is it the name of the full work? If it's the title of the full work, I would definitely change it. I would never buy a book at a bookstore called "Desire" (and I'm sure there must be other novels with the same title). But if it's just a chapter title, then it works just fine.
"He sat back against the wall beside her, and she was relieved that he kept his distance, but the smell of his breathe was still repulsively near." - Small typo: it should be "the smell of his breath".
I enjoyed the style of this piece. I found it pretty subtle, in that it wasn't very wordy or flowery or anything like that, but in such a plot-heavy scene, it should be that way. The words should never overpower the story. It did a good job of telling the story as it was without drawing attention to itself, which was great.
All in all, I'm totally intrigued. Hope this helped, and sorry again for the long wait! Hopefully it was worth it, haha!