Family Dinner

Title: Family Dinner
Author: Enide Dear
Pairing: Yazoo/Cloud
Rating: silly! Some violence and groping
A/N: For s YazooxCloud contest!
A/N 2: This fic is sent in for whom I owed a fic


Mercury hair slipped over Yazoo’s shoulder as he leaned his head to one side and smiled sweetly, blinking emerald eyes at his rather newly-wed husband. Cloud had enough sense to step behind cover of a wall in case Velvet Nightmare came out; during the whole month and a half they’d been married, he’d had plenty of opportunities to learn to recognize and fear that look.  When Yazoo looked like a sated cat with too much cream to eat, he was usually about to pounce and he had some serious claws.

“And why not, brother dear?” Yazoo purred, all pleasant smile and teeth. Shiny, white, sharp teeth. Cloud did his best to remember Soldier honor and buckle up some courage.

“Every Sunday, Yaz, every Sunday! Your Mother invites us for dinner every Sunday! Is it really necessary to go every single time?” Crossing his arms, Cloud tried to glare. It did him about as much good as trying to glare at a marble statue.

“Well, didn’t I follow you to Reno’s place last Wednesday to play cards? Without whining?” Yazoo’s sweet smile turned a shade darker. “Everything he owns was….sticky. I got a rash just touching the doorknob, and I bet the sofa could give you an STD by just sitting on it. Thank Mother for thought-control leather; I’m never taking my gloves off around that Turk again.” Frost started creeping into the remnant’s voice.

“Yes but….” Cloud fumbled for an explanation.

“And the week before that it was Zack’s place.” Yazoo said, inspecting his fault-free nails.

“What’s wrong with Zack?!” Immediately defensive Cloud tried to strike back.

“He likes to wrestle you down and sit on you!”

“He’s just friendly….”

“He almost broke your arm!”

“By mistake!”

“Everything he does is a mistake; the problem is that he’s so strong that just being hugged by him resembled being run over by a fuzzy, well-meaning tank! And the week before that it was Cid’s house…”

“Alright, alright fine!” Cloud slumped. “My friends might be as …eccentric…as your family. If you can stand them, I suppose I can visit your Mother again.”

“Good. Oh, don’t pout.” All sweetness now that he’d gotten his way, Yazoo slid up to his husband. “I’ll make it up to you, you know.” He mumbled, pressing his lithe body against Cloud’s. Unable to resist, Cloud perked up a little.

“Like you did in Reno’s closet?”

“Well, it’s not as if the Turk would notice a few more stains….”


Cloud ended up on the bitch seat of the Fenrir as usually these days, but he didn’t mind. It was a very comfortable position to be pressed up against Yazoo on a huge, vibrating machine. In fact, it might have been a bit too distracting because as they giggling stepped inside the door to the fancy, high-tower Jenovan apartment all Cloud got a chance to see what a white haired maniac coming running at him with steel in his hands and the battle instincts took over his preoccupied brain.

Cloud dodged, twisted and flipped; with the momentum and speed build up by his attack, Sephiroth was thrown over Cloud’s back and straight out the window on the 13: floor. The Latin choir humming in the air around him made an excellent demonstration of the Doppler Effect.

Loz and Kadaj stared in slack-jawed shock from Cloud to the shattered window as their older brother plummeted to his presumed death. Then Loz broke out in tears.

“Oh, don’t cry, Loz.” Yazoo sighed, walking stately over to the window to peer down.

“He owed me money!” Loz wailed. “He owed me sooooo much money!”

“He’ll be back. There’s a dumpster down there that broke his fall. Lots if plaster in it, I think, of maybe that’s the Lifestream, who can tell?” He waved his still sniffing brother over to get a look, leaving Cloud to the accusing stare of Kadaj.

“I didn't mean to,”Cloud muttered. “It was an accident.”

“You better make it up to me.” Kadaj demanded with all the regal pride of a princeling. “Get that box down for me.” He went over to the wardrobe and pointed upwards. ”I can’t reach it.”

“Fine.” Cloud wasn’t much taller, but he thought he might be tall enough. He stepped over to Kadaj and started to reach upwards. And realized, too late, what he was doing.

Kadaj hadn’t moved; that meant that Cloud was pressing up against the sensuous body, his groin rubbing against those firm, round buttocks….. Cheeky green eyes glittered up at him as Kadaj opened his mouth in a perfect little moan.

With a yelp, Cloud leapt back, almost stumbling into Yazoo who caught him.

“Really Cloud, stop teasing my brothers.” Affectionately, he rubbed Kadaj’s hair. “My dear little tyrant, what have I told you about playing with my toys, hm?”  

”I’m sorry, brother.” Kadaj blinked huge, innocent-looking eyes up at Yazoo who was still cooing over his baby-brother, while making some very lewd hand gestures at Cloud behind his back. Cloud sighed. This was going to be worse than usual.

“There’s my lovely little son-in-law!” The door to the kitchen was flung open, bringing out a scent of food and the apperationof Jenova in a frilly leather apron with extra holes cut for the tentacles. “How are you my dear?” Cloud managed to dodge out of a slithery embrace by mere inches and hid behind Yazoo who gave his Mother a warm hug. Kadaj took the opportunity to pinch Cloud’s butt.

“Still not pregnant.” Cloud muttered sulkily, trying to fend of the small but annoying hands.

“Oh really. Why would I ask you that?” Jenova huffed, putting two hands on her hips while the others tried to smooth down Cloud’s spikes.

“Because that’s what you’ve asked every Sunday we’ve come here.” Cloud gritted his teeth and tried to stay civil.

“Nonsens….”

“And you called us five times during our honey moon to ask. And it was the first thing you asked the morning after our wedding night. And directly after we cut the wedding cake!”
Jenova blinked and smiled. It was the same kind of fake-sweetness smile that Yazoo also employed.

“And are you?”

“For the last time, no! I’m a male!” Cloud clung to Yazoo’s hips with one hand and swatted away a tentacle trying to crawl under his sweater to caress his belly with the other.

“Psh, such little details. All you need is some decent food in you. Come now, I’ve made a nice Sunday dinner for us all.” She lifted Kadaj from his pervy place with maternal ease and shooed him into the dining room, leaving Cloud to catch his breath for a few seconds. Before he had time to speak, however, Yazoo said sweetly.

“I seem to recall you and Cid going on a bender and trying to fly the Tiny Bronco drunk two weeks ago, ending with him crashing us all into a pond full of slimy amphibians. Took me hours to get the pond smell and crushed frogs out of my hair. Oh, and we almost died, too.”

Cloud hung his head, defeated.

“Fine, we’ll stay for dinner.”

He sulkily followed his husband into the dining room, with a nagging feeling that he’d forgotten something.


Mother Jenova had outdone herself with specialties, much to Cloud’s rising horror. Toasted Tonnberryin ginger sauce was just the beginning of his troubles; it was quickly followed by minced Moogle with cactuar salad and what Cloud could only hope was potatoes, and for dessert mako-pudding with whipped cream. He chewed, swallowed and suffered in silence through a variety of monstrous and/or endangered courses. Kadaj was seated to the right of him, and every time the little brat had to leave the table he ‘accidently’ slid his deliciously plump ass over Cloud’s groin, making the ex Soldier all kinds of awkwardly embarrassed.

And he wasn’t even allowed wine, due to him being in the ‘family way’.

Yazoo was as always pleased to see his family and was chatting along with his Mother, teasing Loz, cooing over his baby brother and having his hand stuck down Cloud’s pants, easily distracting him from tentacles, gross food and Kadaj’s butt. Cloud still had the feeling he’d forgotten something, but he no longer really cared.

Space alien family or not, being married to Yazoo was so worth it.


The stars had started to light the sky when they could finally say goodbye. Yazoo had to save Cloud’s virtue at least twice when Kadajcornered him in the hallway, but the long haired remnant took it all in stride.

“You are drunk. I’ll drive home.” Cloud tried to pry the Fenrir keys from Yazoo.

“Nonsense dear brother, I am merely tipsy.” Yazoo pouted and hung on to the keys. “I could both drive AND shoot the goggles off of Reno’s head right now!”

“Call it what you want, I’m still driving. And we both know you’d ‘missä the goggles on purpose.”After a slight tousle, Cloud won the keys and Yazoo rolled his eyes at him.

“Fine then, have it your way. You usually do.” He sulked as he got up behind Cloud, but leaned his head against Cloud’s back like a drowsy cat. Damn, but that quicksilver temperament was impossible to figure out!

“*I* get my way?!” Cloud couldn’t help but grumble as he revved up the bike. “We’ve been doing things your way all day!”

“Oh really?” Warm, minty breath wafted into Cloud’s ear as Yazoo leaned over his shoulder and smiled. “What about Sephiroth, then?”

“Oh, shit, I forgot all about him!” Turning around, Cloud spotted the dumpster where the silverhaired maniac had plummeted hours before and where no one had bothered retrieving him. It was still closed and from the sound of it, someone was trying very hard to get out.

“See?” Yazoo kissed him sweetly. “All for you my dear brother.”

Cloud couldn’t help but laugh as they revved up the bike and sped home.