2 years and counting! + the fandom spectrum

Dec 23, 201414 min read
Deviation Actions

Published: Dec 23, 2014
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To whom it may concern

Yehey! It's been 2 inactive but wonderful years being in deviantArt and this site just helped me grow both as a writer and as a person. No social site or platform has compared to my experience here. dA is LIFE!

    Here's a short, non-Christmas feature to celebrate (Christmas themes have gone too much for me haha sorry):

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        HypothermiaIt starts, as many things do metaphorically and very few things do literally, with an avalanche. This is both.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Lin Long Dau is born with the last star on the coldest night of the coldest winter in Undisian living memory.
The fire flickers, on the verge of death, as a chill wind blows through walls of aged stone. Inside, the people shiver, and Lin begins to cry with weak, peculiar sounds, his skin cast with unnatural pallor, tinged with blue.
The baby’s discomfort alarms the attendants, and the family exchanges nervous looks. Only the mother speaks. “Give him to me,” she says to the father, in whose arms Lin continues to weep strangely. Lars, relieved, places the baby in her arms, and soon the unnerving cries are quietened by a warm embrace and smile. Everyone noticeably relaxes.
“That’s it,” Lin’s mother says. Her eyes are bright in the flickering dark, as bright as her son’s eyes are not. “He’s just            
        CathieSalt-and-pepper hair contrasts sharply with the crisp, starched pillow;
bone-thin arms resemble bed rails--
tears in my eyes, the morphine drip in your vein.
My inner rage refutes your calm acceptance.
You ask if we are waiting for you to die:  no.
We are waiting for a miracle,
we are waiting for you to heal--
We are waiting for something that will not happen.
We are stretching for something that is out of reach.
We are holding onto our obsolete hopes, the small fragments of our lives
so closely, we cannot see the bigger picture
of eternity.
In a paradox, God is calling you clearly,
but we can't seem to hear His voice--
only the silence ringing in our ears
as the monitor stops
your breathing ceases
your face un-creases--
and, for the first time in years,
you run Home. 
        Ode to Morning CoffeeThe black drips into the glass pot,
and a sleepy haze limits thought.
One hand wrapped round the chipped, white cup,
the darkness pours and I pull it close,
inhale, and bitter meets my nose.
I notice dew on the tulips
and star-shaped leaves crackled and split.
Birds sleep no more; instead, they flit.
Today begins; grateful, I sup. 
        .your cough.The density wavered in jagged movements that drew out towards the borders of an organic, rectilinear shape.  Our fingers, the chosen ones, met at their respective ends, where fingerprint would crosshatch fingerprint, confusing identity in between.  We were children miming the motions of adults, quoting their language, their words, using their clothing as capes to fly into our own sense of adulthood, maturity.  We ran across time as if it were borrowed, inaccessible to reality, parallel systems that interacted only in surreal moments of passion, disillusionment.  
I stacked the plates in the kitchen.  She made a soft, coughing sound from the bedroom.  She was looking through her bag, maybe locating her cellphone or her pajamas.  Each plate I stacked seemed to create its own unique sound, composing notes on the lines of sheet music that ran across the air conditioner vents, the crooked, venetian blinds.  The 
        A mermaid stole my bonesI want to deteriorate into the ocean and feel the waves
Break over my spine
Because I’ve learnt through trial and error
That holding my breath only makes my heart beat faster
And plain white pills do nothing to soothe
The anxiety sewn deep within my bones
The bitter aftertaste still lingers in the back of my throat
much like the feeling
of her breath in my lungs 
                      
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 Useless updates/revelations about life:
  
The past few days have been the most productive Christmas Eve days I have ever had in my life, hands down! First there's the reunion with the whole father's side of my family then there's the getaway to some resort-like town of Subic (lovely, lovely place) with a light show in Ayala or whatever to celebrate Christmas. It was fun being complete with my awesome cousins for the first time in the history of forever haha (I was actually nervous for this reunion since I haven't seen my cousins in years and there was tension in the family. But now it's all good! ).

They are awesome and for some reason we all sync. They like the fandoms I like (well some haha) and we like the same   kind of satirical and somewhat stereotypical humor. But I really want to dwell on the fandom (confession coming).

See, I do stupid things I call mini social experiments just to let the reality sink in. This one wasn't so small. Basically it started with a conversation I had with a friend. It was more of a rant that lead to a deep conversation   that eventually led to me doing something this stupid FOR A WHOLE YEAR before it sank in. So I was venting to her about this girl going into Fully Booked looking for a Doctor Who novel series (I was not updated to know that existed that time) and that got me mad. Furious. I was like "who the hell are you? It's a TV series, not a book series dumbass!" Not only did this friend inform me about the existence of Doctor Who books (joke was on me obviously), she   also gave me an insight on hating on poser or trying-hard people (i.e. those who pretend to like something for the   sake of it).

Her: How would YOU feel if you were being talked about like this, not as a fangirl. But as a regular person/poser       being hated by a fangirl? The whole universe of fandoms hating on you? Wouldn't that hurt/

Me (defensive mode): Yeah, but it still doesn't make any sense. Plus it's annoying and it's what's wrong with this       world.

Her: I know, bruh. I've felt that too. But I got over it. People are people no matter what. Try putting yourself in   their shoes to see just how bad it feels.

Me: Fine, then. 

So I did. For a year. At the time, I was one of those Social Justice Warriors...you know what I mean? So my mind was too close minded to apprehend these things, and I'm a slow learner. I kept the experience really personal because the joke really was on me but then after doing this for a year, I decided to open it up here for the sake of admitting to myself that I was wrong. How did I put myself in their shoes? Simple: I pretended to be someone who tries to be obsessed with something I had no idea of even if I know that universe like the back of my hand. It's hard to explain how I did it. But it's simple as describing Harry Potter or GoT the way parents would that would embarrass their children. Or say someone asked me something and I'd get it wrong on purpose. It's seriously hard to explain but somehow I managed to succeed in doing so. I did this to almost everyone (I'm not kidding. I just did this to two of my cousins, my brother and my dad. Only my dad had a positive reaction which I will get to in a bit).At first it was hard to maintain myself. I felt jittery trying to mess up something I love. But then after a while, it got into me. The results devastated me.

95% of the guinea pigs bashed me, called me a poser, a trying-hard snowflake, would just scoff loudly and shake their head (that says a lot)...mainly just everything I would've done if I didn't hold back on my feelings. That was just the tip of the iceberg. What if I wasn't there? If they talked about me, how would they describe me? Yes, the reactions were all the same and that felt even more humiliating. Not only did I feel bad about myself for judging but I also felt like karma did its purpose right. 

It took me a whole year to realize just how bad and pressured that girl in Fully Booked was as someone who's trying to love what pop culture media wants her to love (probably if she ever did. I didn't know the DW book series existed that time, kay?). Another thing I realized from that stupid yet enlightening experiment was how a person who loved the opposite of what another majority loved was treated. Say a Belieber (I don't hate on them now). All this fan did was love something she saw because of a certain quality the fan deemed really cool, yet that fan is being labelled both as a person (lame, not cool, eew, mhay ghad I would never be you) and as a part of a fandom body (put harsher words here). Look I know that there are fan bases whose members take to the extreme for support such as this one but that's not my point at all. But if this is how people are treated just because they try so hard to fit in a certain cultural status or is against it, doesn't this say a lot about the youth today? Think about it. How about looking cool? I mean that is annoying but market-wise it's beneficial. 

Trying to like something to look cool puts that something in significance to society. Books are actually cool now. GoT, Doctor Who and other fantasy TV series are cool now compared to before. Frozen may not be the first Disney movie to not have a prince save the princess but it set a milestone in the hearts of children. Look at the franchise itself! It's so widespread compared to Mulan (you know what I mean) because of...well internet. Isn't that a good thing for consideration maybe? 

It's like sexuality (sorry but it's true). If you support the LGBTQ Community yet can't stand being in a room with someone who pretends to like a fandom for the sake of fitting in or love something else then what does that mean? I'm not saying that's a hypocritical thing. I'm not. At all. But think about that for a second. Try to let the analogy/irony sink in. 

Like I said, the only reason why I confessed this is to tell myself that I was wrong to have judged anyone based on a fandom. But what about the remaining 5%? My dad falls into that 5% and so did my friend. What did they do? They introduced me to the fandom I pretended to poser-like but I actually liked the way Aladdin showed a whole new world   to Jasmine. This 5% percent is a beautiful slice of pie and I wish I would've done the same. I even made an oath to   myself to never judge anyone based on what they like. I had no regrets 

Me: Yeah, dad. He's gonna die.

Dad: Wait how did you know? I thought you didn't--what are you up to?

Me: nyehehehe.

You are open to comment on this matter and give your opinion. Actually, I'm not a very socially inclined person so       for me to do this is no surprise for me. But you can give your own insight to add to the lesson. As for the 95% of the guinea pigs. I told half of them about it excluding my own relatives to telling them the truth will have its consequences.  

your head is a living
forest
full of songbirds
 -e.e. cummings

*Skin made by brokengod--veins