literature

And then, a quiet explosion

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Daily Deviation

March 1, 2015
You can feel the sun's warmth in And then, a quiet explosion by TomCranham
Featured by inknalcohol
themaninroomfive's avatar
Published:
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Literature Text

Trees, full of green vitality, swayed, shivered in the cool, early morning breeze. Butterflies floated, caressed flowers of all colours. Birds, they soared, danced and sung in the heavens. And below, hand in hand, the pair walked up a grassy hill without saying a word. None were needed. A non-awkward silence, smiles and laughs, were more than enough, precious. Time together, with their black and tan dog, full of heart, sniffing, playing, exploring about their feet – perfect.

The three reached the summit, sat, close, bathed in the warmth of each other’s love and followed the sun’s birth into a crystal clear sky, washing the world with yellows, oranges and reds, with life. They embraced, tightly, with affection, friendship, and with wide eyes, in the distance, saw a star, pure, white, burst into the atmosphere. For seconds, to the Earth's concerto, it fell beautiful, terrible.

The dog barked.

The pair kissed.

And then, a quiet explosion.

A blinding light.

Nothing.


Written for Glory-Be-Project 's weekend inspiration.

Then The Quiet Explosion - youtu.be/UoAm3lGMYFo  Please listen to the music while reading!

Any feedback is greatly appreciated. I have thought quite a lot on this short - should i add more detail? Dialogue? And especially on the last line - should it be cut? Changed to 'The end?' Or left as it is?
© 2015 - 2024 themaninroomfive
Comments48
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dodekja's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star: Vision
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star: Impact

I really like it, although it reminds me of a scene from some film. I think there is just right amount of details. The last line is good, as it is. I think it carries the power of the whole story. It should not be altered certainly. My opinion is that a dialogue would not fit in there, but go on and try it. The music makes a really nice background, but the track is a little bit too long. The word choice is really good. I can really feel the idea that everything can disappear in a second. Keep up the good work. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt=":)" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="391" title=":) (Smile)"/>