Death On Wheels: Tanezumi Statue Entry 1

“You want me to just relive the entire experience?” he laughed before sighing and brushing his greasy light brown hair behind his ear. “I may seem like a heartless prick, but I have feelings too, you know. Some things provoke unwanted and vulnerable emotions in me.”

“Just do it. Do you want my help or not, Mike?” the interviewer asked.

“It was you who needed my assistance first, but there’s no logical reason to argue at this point. I highly doubt you can help me, but this is what I remember of my cousin, Cryptid Chris.” Cheesepuff Mike began. He reached down to dig around in a black laptop bag. When he found what he was looking for he sat back up straight and showed the interviewer the polaroid.
“It’s the only safe picture to view of him, don’t worry.” he reassured the interviewer. “It was winter time and we were both about 13 years old, that was the last time he was ever himself. We had been up all night trolling forums and riling some stupid saps up with our empty critiques of literally anything and everything. That’s what we did best. Unfortunately, our time was cut short that afternoon when both our parents forced us to go outside. Our parents were regular old stone trolls, they didn’t understand internet trolls, but that’s an entire different story about troll nature and troll genetics that I don’t really need to get into. You can research that kind of thing yourself if you’re interested.

Anyways, on the way out of the house, we decided to borrow a polaroid camera off the counter. Even though cameras are pretty dangerous for trolls, we had our disguises on and we were just planning on keeping the pictures to ourselves. While taking several silly and stupid pictures in our human disguises and several hikes through the local woods later, we came across this pretty scenic clearing. There was a fallen tree with drooping branches all around, which would have been dull if it weren’t winter time, but all the snow fall on and around the area made it look aesthetically pleasing. Chris especially found it pleasing to the eye. We took some pictures of it before he had this crazy idea.

I wish I told him it was a terrible idea and refused to do it for him, but at the time we didn’t see the danger in it. Like I said, we were planning to keep these pictures to ourselves and not show them to anyone. He wanted me to take a picture of him in his troll form in the clearing. Why? I do not know, honestly. We were young and stupid so I agreed to take the picture of him. It was getting pretty late, so we decided to head back. We hid the pictures and the camera in our pockets as to not worry our parents and went back to the house. When we went to go take a look at the new pictures we took in my room, we noticed that the picture of him in his troll form wasn’t there. We frantically searched our pockets thinking maybe it was there, but much to our dismay it was not.

I tried to tell my mom we needed to go back outside, but she told us it was too late to go out and that our disguises would shed pretty soon and people might see us. We figured maybe no one would find it and we could go back outside tomorrow to retrieve it before he had to leave the following afternoon. We usually sleep in the morning and wake up in the afternoon, but we decided to keep an eye on the clock so as soon as it hit morning time we would get into our disguises and go on our search before our parents woke up. As soon as the sun came up we did just that. We searched the woods for hours, retracing our steps and carefully sweeping away snow with our hands and feet. That’s when what I feared would happen. When we got to the clearing, Chris turned to stone. I panicked, not only because if my parents found out that we snuck out without telling them we’d be in big trouble, but also because my cousin was stone and that means the picture is circling around on the internet and I knew that if I was going to get anything accomplished I had to go straight home and search through the web. So I did just that. I didn’t think in the time of my panic to put my cousin somewhere safe and hidden because I was focused on taking away his exposure.

I immediately ran upstairs to my room and frantically went to every website I could possibly locate the picture on. I was able to locate it on some obscure website about mythological creatures uploaded by a user named [WITHHELD]. I went to work doxxing him so I could pay him a visit and force him to take the picture off. The picture already had several hundred likes and comments ranging from “Are these real?” to “Ew that thing is creepy and ugly!”. As soon as I got the location and the name I ran there as fast as I could. I rang the doorbell and asked for [WITHHELD], but apparently they were on a winter stroll too according to the parents, who believed I was a friend. I ran back to the woods in my panic to check on Chris and-” he sniffled a bit before coughing loudly and shaking his head. He cleared his throat before continuing, eyes red and watering ready to burst with tears any minute.

“When I got there, a group of boys were standing around him laughing and throwing snowballs at him. ‘We killed it hahaha’ they would say. Then one of them suggested they push him over to really seal the deal. I was so angry that my disguise became unstable and disappeared. I swiftly approached the boys and grabbed one by the throat, but I was too late. They had already tipped over Chris and he fell on top of a nearby stone and I heard a loud cracking noise as I saw a chip from his statue come off. This sent me into a complete enraged state, and I either killed or severely injured most of the group. I asked for [WITHHELD] as I did it and threatened to eat every single one of them if [WITHHELD] didn’t come and face me. [WITHHELD] finally came up to me, crying and blubbering. I grabbed the fucker’s throat and told that fucker to immediately go home and delete the picture off the internet. [WITHHELD] did and I immediately went to tend to Chris. I tried to put the piece back in his head. I tried to calm down and regain my disguise. [WITHHELD] listened to me, luckily, and the stone casing around Chris cracked off and he was back to normal, or so I thought. He screamed and cried and put his hands over his face. His screams were extremely loud and very frightening, so I got him home as soon as I could. I had to tell my parents and my aunt and uncle everything that happened, and you bet your ass I was in big trouble for stealing a polaroid camera they were trying to destroy and doing stupid and risky shit with it. My aunt and uncle brought Chris immediately to a doctor down the street who specialized in creatures like us. My mother told me what my aunt told her. Chris had suffered brain damage as a result from being tipped over. His eyes lost color and he can no longer access his disguise. He also became very violent when they tried to take his hands away from his face. He beat the shit out of the doctor before realizing the doctor was one of us. Chris also destroys any camera, phone, or camcorder you put in front of him and reacts to any kind of attention to his face with complete despair and rage. He can’t even use a computer anymore and he spent his days moping around and staring off into space. I wanted to help him, but my aunt and uncle wanted nothing to do with me or my parents after that. I blame myself for everything that happened and if I had just told him no like I was supposed to he wouldn’t be this complete mess.” Mike was crying now, but he looked away as to not show the interviewer that he was crying.
“You know he’s locked away, right?” the interviewer asked him.

“Of course I know that!” he hissed before sobbing. “I’ve tried many times to get him out! Luring him by viewing a picture that those assholes who locked him up took of him as an experiment. I would always get the piss beat out of me when he’d come but I was determined to help him because he didn’t deserve any of the things that are happening to him because of me. If only those fuckers didn’t locate him before I could even try to help. They keep him monitored strictly.”

“He’s on their termination list, you know, just like who I’m looking for.” the interviewer informed him with a deep sigh.

“Oh no! No no no!” Mike clapped his hands over his face. “They’re going to torture the fuck out of him before they figure out anything. They can’t even identify the species he is because his brain damage is so bad and because of how thin and frail he has gotten from not able to properly eat. Fuck…” Mike rubbed his eyes from beneath his glasses.

“We’ll get them out” the interviewer reassured.

“I fucking hope you’re right” Mike hissed.