What Kaiju Are You Battle Royale - The story

It is said that humanity as a race "doth protest too much" from time to time. Beyond the first decade of the early 2000's civilization mankind has turned increasingly inward. Finding fault with his neighbor over matters both great and trivial but rather than take weighted action as in times of old, he instead labels his rival a personal slogan of contempt and beseeches his peers to do the same. Crying for justice but unwilling to weigh himself upon the same scale with clarity or truth. The warning signs were abundant, natural disaster after natural disaster plagued the world and yet still...the eye strains inward. Seeking to remedy what one believes to be a fatal flaw that is more often than not the chief domain of others. Even after so much time, man still seeks his dragon to slay so that he may crown himself a hero. The instruments of our demise did not come suddenly or without warning. Like many things they appeared gradually and were either ignored or celebrated. Perhaps if we had been more forthcoming with our hand in things we'd still have a civilization...

I can't recall the exact year. It doesn't mean much anymore but I remember that it was a hot summer that year, blistering. Drought on one end of the globe, flood on the other. The good ole United States got a fair share of both, we trudged on as we always did. Bills to pay, kids to feed, co-workers to fantasize about strangling while catching new episodes of the latest escape into safely choreographed drama. Kids more wired than ever, tapping the latest fruit stamped piece of imported tech relentlessly to feel connected and relevant. It was around that time the first one arrived.

Strange looking creature, looked like a big emu or cassowary with tail feathers that had more sense being on your grandmother's old scarf then on a living thing. It was a rather fluffy then, still had some fresh down on it to keep it warm. Even then it's attitude was vicious in the extreme. Hated people, ran from them at first, first sign of being followed it would trample and tear up the ground in a spastic fit before taking off again. For a long time no one could catch the fluffy bastard. Seemed to practically teleport in the blink of an eye but only in short distances. When it wiped out a resort in Cancun, the military drove it through Panama and into the South American Rainforest. It seemed content to disappear there though the odd report of people getting pecked to death continued. Usually over eager biologists or vacationing college kids trying to get the damn thing on their media feed like it was some sort of trophy. Give them white safari hats and elephant guns and you'd have British Empire age sports hunters. Their weapon of choice just happened to be cameras.

The next one was thought to be an infection of some kind. Like a invasive form of algae or something to that effect. Lots of science jargon was flying around over that thing, was hard to remember if was deemed a pest or eco-threat...until it made itself a body. Started small, just like the last one. Made itself look borderline humanoid before disappearing into the forests of Canada. Thing seemed to merge with native plant life, was nearly impossible to track. Was a feisty bastard when disturbed, left little ankle biter like weeds around that were studied after they'd been flash frozen. Talk was that it was the missing link between plant and animal but others thought it was some government experiment that got loose.

Third monster was a big boy, at least compared to the last two. Looked like a big scaly dog, granted it had three heads and no eyes but it seemed able to get around just fine without them. It was found trotting around the Mediterranean coast, apparently sniffing old ruins and mountains for something. The media went crazy with the idea of a 'living Cerberus' and it didn't seem to have it out for human settlements. Though it trotted through  a vineyard or two while it was sniffing around, got some wine makers upset over that. It got more hostile attention when it tried to leave Greece and head west. The EU wasn't taking chances and shot at it as it tried to make its way through Spain. It didn't stay to fight, but when it's breath and spit made contact with some tanks it turned them into eroded slag in short order. The big dog had made its way to Cuba before the next one appeared.

The fourth monster was a bird this time, dove down from the upper atmosphere over Korea. It did a circuit over Seoul before it began tearing down buildings in a fit of rage. Was an eccentric looking predator, like a condor or vulture with blue feathers, a rooster comb and a long tail ending in a feather fan. It had some strange metal collar on it, not that anyone could get close enough to study it. It tore every fighter plane that tried to fight it out of the sky. It then covered the city in some sort of chemical gas. If the city wasn't empty before it was then. The gas changed the air, increasing the level of oxygen to dangerous levels. People just dropped dead after a few minutes. The bird only seemed to get more energetic within that haze, apparently the gas made the area more suitable for it. The United States sent stealth bombers after it, managed to drive it away from Seoul into North Korea. I'd have paid good money to see the 'glorious leader's face when that haggard buzzard landed in Pyongyang and raged even harder. The military had to retreat into the mountains but the bird turned at least one of the bunkers into a coffin as it forced it's gas into the ventilation systems. China was gearing to fight it but was having trouble deciding exactly how to go about it considering ground forces hardly fazed it. Those few that survived it seemed to take up worshiping it and by some miracle were spared its anger. The government executed these 'traitors' wherever they could be found, resulting in the bird making strikes into China proper before retreating back to North Korea.

On the opposite end of the hemisphere in Vancouver something right out of a Power Ranger's episode rose out of the bay and poked around the market before making an abrupt exit. It wasn't seen for very long but it looked like one of those prehistoric shelled squids with spikes on it and an almost human stance. Two tentacles serving as arms and the rest being this 'dress' of webbed leg tentacles. The market was a mess but it otherwise didn't harm anyone seriously. Regardless the navy was on the lookout for it.

Back in Seoul something else dropped from the sky, hard enough to leave a crater miles across. What stomped out was something out of a nightmare. Big demonic and black with blue glowing eyes and markings. This one was more intelligent, it recognized what we were immediately and rounded up the refugees of Seoul into a stadium before freezing the exits shut with its breath and proceeding to systematically eat them like popcorn. A joint military strike was called in...it might as well have been soap bubbles for all the good it did. Thing took the planes and tanks apart like they were toys. It made sure that every time it took out a jet that the pilot died in the same instant. It actually grabbed an ejected pilot out of the air and spun his parachute around so hard it torn him apart. It didn't bother going north like the bird did, instead it went east...to Japan. All the jokes aside, there didn't look like there would be any Godzilla to save them. A naval barricade was erected and showered the bastard with enough fire power to turn the channel into an inferno. Sonnavabitch waded through it like the god damn Terminator. Seemed like nothing could stop it.

Turns out we were one step above wrong. Something did stop it, came slithering out of the water like a liquid bullet and hammered the demonic bastard in the side. Thing wrapped around him and starting crushing him. For all intents and purposes it was a big snake, had a strange metal blade protruding over its noggin and it's sides had metal plates running all the way down it. It ignored the Japanese battleships and focused entirely on trying to crush its enemy. The demon got back on its feet however and tried to breath Ice on it, that's when the serpent revealed four metal wings that slid out from two pocket like pouches built into its sides. Looked like a quartet of Dyson fans. Suddenly there was a hurricane blasting the breath back in the demon's face and pushing it back toward the Korean shore. The Japanese were calling it a legit 'Kamikaze', like the one from legend. The demon got frustrated and revealed that it could JUMP, and tried to bypass the serpent altogether. This worked until the thing used its new fan wings to propel itself into the air and give chase. The serpent continued hounding the demon until it turned south and headed towards Australia. The serpent seemed content with this and burrowed back into the mainland. The Japanese have been trying to track it but so far most attempts to contact it get scrambled. Korea claims that Japan MADE the thing but Japan denies it. Insisting they wouldn't waste so much effort making something BIGGER.

Meanwhile in the Middle East, Cairo got attacked by another giant squid, this one more of  traditional looking creature. It was after the oil tankers. Attempts to blow it up lit it on fire and pissed it off. It's body seemed to adapt to it and suddenly it was taking advantage of the fire and lathering itself in oil to turn itself into a living fire bomb. It used its own ink to spread the flames into the city proper and made a colossal mess. The way it shot said ink was strange, it was later revealed with satellite imagery that it had written in big burning letters '420 HAZE it'. Speculation abound on what it meant but they started calling the thing 'Haze' after that. The city suffered massive damage from the resulting fire while 'Haze' disappeared, striking other oil tankers en route.

Seismic activity from North Korea spread to India before revealing itself to be...a big green blob. No one could really tell what it was, India threatened to nuke it if it got too close before it did something unexpected, it started singing. Not just any old tune either but old Buddhist chants that it had apparently memorized as it left central Asia. Spiritual leaders made an effort to talk to it and it gladly responded to them in kind. Whatever it was, it was eager to find 'god', or at least something comparable. Spiritual leaders wasted no time in trying to educate the creature who absorbed all information that was given to it and even debated things like human nature with them. Through these talks it learned that its general appearance was 'horrifying' so it tried its best to form a face, ultimately deciding on something 'cute' and comforting: a cat. Or at least it's best attempt at a cat. It did manage to give the illusion of eyes, brows and a mouth and the 'blob reaction face' went viral. It eventually divulged a name as well, A'kity. It soon absorbed as much information as India could provide it and was instructed to seek knowledge from other faiths so as to continue its quest. Naturally it headed straight toward the Middle East, in particular Iran. However it didn't receive the welcome it thought it would and was instead relentlessly attacked by radical extremist cells. A'kity was able to get out of the commotion that it was considered an 'unclean being' and that it should be destroyed. This made A'kity very depressed but to every terrorist's dismay A'kity shrugged off conventional weaponry and absorbed mines and IED's with slight embarrassment as the tiny explosions made it jiggle. It's course put it directly in the path of Mecca and no one could seem to agree how best to deal with him. The blob itself meanwhile lamented that everyone seemed mad it at and couldn't understand why.

That's when the really scary shit started to show up. A orbital storm hit the planet, causing interference across the globe. Things were already pretty intense and space itself decides to shit on us. The resulting 'bloom' over Earth's North Pole resulted in two separate UFOs. One landed in Beijing. It revealed itself to be another blob monster...but this one was not friendly. The UFOs had been clashing against each other during the entire incident and this one came down pissed. It was a purple looking creature with strange red glowing 'cores' that acted as sensors and eyes of sorts. It grew a fanged mouth, arms and claws and proceeded to tower over most of the buildings shaking with rage. It proceeded to form lashing tentacles as well and slashing through every skyscraper around it, leveling the skyline in but a short burst of motion. It began moving out of the city, smashing down anything impeding it's progress as it flowed along. It's 'head' as aimed at the western horizon, in the same direction as the other UFO. China did its damndest to bomb the thing once it was clear of Beijing. To everyone's surprise the missiles went right through it...and did absolutely nothing to it. Localized explosions made it's body splatter but it reformed so quickly that it might as well have been a light breeze. The blob monster was the first recorded case of one of these things being for all intents and purposes INVINCIBLE. Luckily it wasn't interested in humans, it had little patience for being delayed however and destroyed any armed force that tried to stop it with impunity. It made a detour and headed north through Russia, seeking to use the ice cap as a short cut to reach the western continent and cut down through Greenland. To Russia's credit, it passively observed the being and cleared roads ahead of it. After seeing what it did to China, Russia didn't want to waste military assets fighting a creature that could not even be truly attacked.

The second UFO hit the American Midwest with earth shaking force. What was revealed were two creatures for the price of one crater. A blob creature, very similar to the purple one in China was disoriented and confused, making a strange warbling sound. As if it were calling out for its other half. Nearby was something else entirely. A levitating colossus that was like some sort of nightmarish crab beast with massive clawed arms, a sharp jagged shell riddled with pillars and knife like spines and a trailing membrane like tail. Two spindly legs swaying under it. It seemed to pause as if asleep before it's whole body lit up like a volcano. It made a sound like a demonic hotrod and lighting surged all around the thing as intense flames lit up its insides. The radioactivity this thing emitted was immense, like an alien crab made out of nukes. As it moved, everything under it just ceased to exist. It hardly had to do anything to render acres of farmland charred past the bedrock. It wasn't too interested in us at first though, no it wanted the blue blob thing. Said blob thing tried to escape but the nuclear alien crab almost leisurely caught up and did its best impression of Darth Sidius on the poor thing, wrapping its lightning around it, forcing it into a tight ball and then sticking it inside of its chest like a big screaming battery. Radio stations were trying to name all these creatures and for the nuclear crab they thought something like 'Deathrule' was edgy enough. But that sounded like it was trying too hard and they thought they'd just call it 'Deadpool'. But this creature wasn't very humorous so they continued on like this for hours as the creature was assaulted by America's best and brightest within minutes after kidnapping the blue blob. Several bunker busters and even some tactical nukes later they still hadn't decided on a name for the thing yet. Ultimately the argument became just a bunch of scrambled nonsense that sounded like 'Dea'Po Ol'rus' or some shit. Then some shock jocks thought since it's making the country it's bitch they'd call it DP. Ultimately that's what stuck. DP itself meanwhile didn't register any of it, and began to make its way toward the west coast, roasting its way into Texas as it followed the coast. It was a sad day at the Nascar track when the biggest engine belonged to a creature that promptly incinerated every car on the track, the stadium and the fans with about as much fanfare as a luke warm piss.

Among all this destruction and chaos the last two snuck their way in. Back in Canada, Vancouver began having electrical problems. An entire scrap yard was cleared out and all manner of pipe and electrical cable went missing. Times were dire but the rampant theft couldn't have come at a worse time. The investigation couldn't find signs of human activity and reports of all manner of appliances and junk cars moving on their own had the military looking into it. Sure enough it was another monster, this time some sort of alien mecha. It had cobbled together a body a lot like a giant dinosaur toy made of spare parts, recycled cars and who knows what else. It had a black tarred head smelted into a beak with little comical ass wings made from sheet metal. Construction vehicles  and the like found their way into its body as arms and legs, it's tail revealing where all the cable went. Had a chest that looked like some sort of sex dungeon crossed with a kiddy seat, gives me the creeps just thinking about it. This one actually introduced itself as -and I'm not kidding- "Ravensaurus Rex, Protector of Children, superhero  and colossus of justice', Word for word. At first it seemed like we might have an ally for once but Raven-Rex's idea of 'justice' and 'protection' involved something straight out of Skynet's play book. It had come to the conclusion from some previous experience that all adults were villains and that to protect all children it must destroy every adult so that it could raise all the children properly. Any child that willingly followed an adult was likewise a villain and had to be destroyed. It was around that point that they just started shooting at it and it responded with cries of indignation and laser beams. Fucking...laser beams. Tin can asshole actually thought he was some horrific hybrid of Superman and Batman. Fittingly he was just as much of a dick. As usual military response didn't fare well. It absorbed the metal fast enough to repair most damage made to it and what metal it was made out of became this strange rusted substance that was difficult to penetrate. Seeing 'villains everywhere' it began abducting kids and killing any of them that didn't meet it's insane standards. It ultimately stopped when it came across an autistic exchange student from Rome. It finally found someone that would accept it and the kid disappeared into the monster's now massive chest compartment. With a human hostage it kept trying to find 'friends' for its new prize to play with. The military unable to really bomb it while it had the boy inside. Free to do as it pleased Raven Rex made a 'heroic crusade' into the United States straight through Washington. It screamed that 'drugs are tools of evil and must be destroyed!'. With Washington's new legalization of Pot, it was an unfortunate target of the rampaging robot. Ironically there was more smoke then every Hemp Fest combined after it proceeded to eye beam half of Seattle and then march on Olympia screaming about crimes against children made by the public school system. It didn't want excuses about budgets, it just tore through the place and then headed south toward California so it could assimilate more technology and parts. Silicon Valley was its most likely target.

Right around this time a strange series of attacks began to plague Rome. A strange sort of giant lizard, looking a lot like an oversized monitor with split lower jaw, glowing eyes, and glowing dots all down it's body. That exchange student from Rome I mentioned earlier? Apparently his whole class back home were having night terrors. The nightmares had a disturbing similarity to the attacks by the giant lizard who to the Italian military's frustration was an elusive bastard that kept disappearing and reappearing. They thought it might be nocturnal at first until it popped up at midday utterly unfazed by sunlight. When they could find it, they shot everything they could at it. The beast could take a beating, and would later shrug off the method of attack used on it. It seemed to have an ability very similar to 'Haze' who had recently come afoul of a party bag bombardment of chemical weapons. The liquid nitrogen being the one thing that bothered it enough to send it fleeing back into the water. So they tried that on the lizard. It seemed to work at first, shattering it's scales and sending it hissing and screeching into a subway station. But moments later it developed freeze resistant skin and thicker insulation. It retaliated with...I'm not sure what type of energy it was but it was this green luminescent light that fired from its eyes. It melted some things...blew up others...but what it did to people couldn't be medically explained. On contact it was like their skin crawled, eyes ruptured and skin heated up so quickly the fat ignited and the skin charred before finally the whole body suffered severe organ failure. It was nasty, some said it might be some sort of demonic power but no one but the papacy was taking that seriously. Things were getting nasty enough that a group of domestic terrorists went to extreme measures to try and defeat this thing. They believed the strange connection it had with the kids were what was allowing it to come and go from our world. So naturally they thought if they just KILLED THE KIDS that it would vanish and never return. Simple right? Well they shot up the school the kids were staying at. Popped them all in the head execution style. Professional level job considering. Things didn't work out as planned. The giant lizard, who the kids would mumble was 'Sc'Tha' or something to that effect, was now STUCK in our world. The big green reptile had actually been made bigger and stronger from the sudden death experience from all the kids who were hosting its dreamland LAN party. First thing it did was 'thank' the terrorists by systematically hunting them down and eating them. Big nasty chameleon tongue just snapping them up like ants. The police managed to catch one to get a story out of him but the monster seemed to know instinctively where he was. It broke into the station and turned its eye lasers on him...slowly. If his friends were eaten like ants with an anteater than he was the ant under the magnifying glass and the lizard was the morbid child holding it in the sun. The worst part is he didn't die after all that. The lizard just roared and started it's now physical journey west, disregarding any resistance it met through most of Europe. Shot itself into the Atlantic and was gone...until it showed up in Boston the following morning. Raided an entire warehouse of iced tea and took off again down the coast. Smashed its way into Florida and dismantled several levies before hunting the resulting flood waters like a deranged gator. They say some lucky redneck managed to scare it off by firing a duck taped collection of illegal fireworks together and shooting it in the throat. Though lucky might not be the best word as the whole trailer park was laser blasted down and the thing got away with eating his dog and his wife. He missed the dog more apparently.

So there we were, world in crisis and giant monsters running amuck. No word got out from Australia, Oz had been in a sudden blackout since the demon from space showed up. The only thing that got out was that it was sighted again, fleeing through the Pacific towards the States as quickly as it could. It had some strange injuries on it, looked like a red hot poker had burnt a piece of it into ash, like a charred out ruptured zit. No one knew what was going on in Australia, no one could contact them. Their congress, media, everything had gone dark. Satellite imagery showed that major population centers were either utterly barren with people's clothes just laying around, a strange mist blanketing everything or the people were enveloped in this strange blue fire and dancing and singing constantly in maddening festivals of pyromania, watching the world burn. You could trace the path the alien demon took, went right into the heart of this shit where all three nightmares came together and promptly booked it into the outback and toward the south eastern coast as quickly as it could. Whatever was in Oz had made that place far more dangerous than it already was. That was the last we heard of it.

We really should have seen it coming. All the monsters were headed in one general direction for one reason or another. It started early that morning, straight out of San Francisco Bay. That's when the first one arrived. The plant monster rose out of water, fully formed and fully grown. Laid it's alien orange eyes on the Golden Gate Bridge and started pelting it with these huge seeds. The seeds sprouted and rooted themselves in, growing all over it. Whole bridge was encased in vines and spread into the city proper from there. The trees and parks were next, the big green giant urging it along like it could control them. It tapped into the very meager water reserves the city had left, used it to turn the city into a garden that just punched through and enveloped the skyline. Military was busy with the other threats, they couldn't divert in time. Snap dragon looking seed pods were being dropped, eating people. They couldn't use the bridge so many tried to escape to the rooftops. Social media was going into overdrive, watching the city and surrounding bay area get turned into a primordial garden. That's when the anarchy started, civic services, all the home front heroes tried to get people out, stop the spread where they could. But...I guess you could call it a 'mob' decided that this was the time to throw civilization and their fellow man under a bus because they came out to 'defend' the plant giant's hard work. Apparently the makings of this were happening for some time now, the CIA were just too bogged down to deal with it. They forced other refugees off the rooftops so they could welcome the 'Neo Era of Freedom' or some shit like that. All I saw were people getting thrown off rooftops so I couldn't tell you what the whole message was. Lots of makeshift banners and the like flying around. Ultimately the police, fire fighters, hospitals...they all had to evacuate. The crazies and those involved in the 'monster cult' were doing the opposite, they were flooding in. To loot and take advantage of things if not to just worship the botanical colossus taking over the city.

Around that time the second one showed up. The Cerberus arrived and breathed acid on anything that tried to obstruct it's path. It squared off against the plant giant and snarled. The plant giant made this timber like groan and lashed out, trying to strangle it's challenger. The Cerberus chewed through the vines and lunged, tackling into the base of the Transamerica Pyramid. They'd continue this for awhile, neither one really able to cement the other's demise. The third rose out of the bay on the opposite side, past Alcatraz. It was the Ammonite looking creature, back to steal more food from the shore line. Was having a great time of it, casually tearing open warehouses to find more fish or really anything else it could shovel into its mouth. That's when the bird arrived, flying in to observe the new masses of greenery. It liked the 555 California Street or old Bank of America building and decided to sit on it. Scouting out the area, it saw the quarreling plant giant and Cerberus and decided to ignore them. What it didn't ignore was the Ammonite who looked up briefly at it screeching before resuming its feast. The bird was extremely territorial and decided to force the squid monster out. It retaliated by flapping its webbing 'dress' to create a massive wind current, buffeting The Bird away from it. The Bird became only more irate and breathed it's atmospheric breath at it. The Ammonite didn't like that and retreated into the bay, tearing ships from the docks and hurling them at The Bird. The Bird responded by diving in and snatching one of the Ammonite's tentacles, trying to drag it on land so it could more easily hammer at its shell and face. The Ammonite, fearing for its life snagged The Bird's tail and the two began a tenacious tug of war around the bay area, causing a massive wind storm as they flailed at each other, unable to get free.

The fifth to show was the Alien Demon, fully healed but eager to start harvesting human flesh. Started in, wading past the other monsters, and actually kicking The Cerberus back into its fight with The Plant Giant with enough force to topple the Bank of America building. It was eager to focus on the human mobs spectating from the roofs and alleys. Then the sixth, the Cyber Serpent showed up to continue its feud with the Alien Demon. It had apparently seen the devastation happening in San Fran and went to protect it. The Alien Demon recognized it's old foe and roared before using its powerful legs to tackle the Cyber Serpent through the Asian Arts Museum. The Cyber Serpent blew the Alien Demon off of it and then burrowed into the ground, striking from different directions in a giant game of whack-a-mole. Off of Pier 39 Haze showed up, slithering into the city and scattering terrified seals in the process. It was looking for something...unique to leave its mark on and started dousing the Saint Patrick's Catholic Church in ink. From under the ground the eighth monster arrived, A'kity. After gathering as much information as it could from various sources, including the Pope, A'kity had been asked to help save people in San Francisco. The so called 'monster cult' was dangerous and it made A'kity curious. As it had only briefly considered that a giant monster like itself could be worthy of worship. However, it didn't like what Haze was doing and tried to talk to it. The squid was bewildered when the blob began making audible dialogue at it and reacted by squirting ink at it. A'kity simply absorbed the material and vomited itself at the squid in retaliation. Haze soon lost interest in the church as it grappled with its new comically cat faced nemesis. These quarrels continued through noon, leaving a majority of the city demolished as they bounced off each other and came back together to fight again. The military finally had most of its targets in one area and tried to hammer the place as best as it conventionally could. Jet fighters staying well clear of the chaos and strafing their targets with missiles. These were only minor diversions to the monsters as they remained locked in mortal combat. Now that the United States had almost all the rotten eggs in one basket, the president had to look at the hard options...of using more extreme measures on US soil.

Those options became all the more obvious when DP finally arrived from burning its way through Arizona. The wild fire it left in its wake spread quickly nearly cutting off California from all land travel. It's signature roar of a demonic racecar revving up caused the other kaiju to pause for a moment...and then go back to fighting each other that much harder in a bid to escape. The Bird dragging The Ammonite across the bay with the Ammonite only half resisting. The Plant Giant seemed to scream as it's garden was getting incinerated under DP's relentless advance. The military turned it's complete attention to attacking it, only slowing it down as bombs wafted harmlessly off its form. DP seemed to give entirely no fucks about anything that got in its way, casually backhanding the Alien Demon when it tried to challenge it and doing much the same to the Cyber Serpent, something about the elemental goliath giving the cybernetic snake horrible flashbacks...though it didn't seem much worse for wear after coming into contact with it briefly.  It seemed as if DP would go unchallenged until a familiar purple shape came in like a gelatinous wrecking ball and blew DP through the Millennium Tower. DP proceeded to rise ominously but jerked awkwardly as it's chest undulated and warbled what seemed like a cry for help. The Purple Ooze's eye points beamed with wrath and DP roared a challenge before the two near invincible monsters clashed, leaving a ring of elemental chaos around themselves that nothing else dared to enter. With DP locked down and contained in its fight with The Purple Ooze, the other monsters were free to continue their personal feuds. That's about when Raven Rex and The Green Lizard showed up on opposite ends of the city...if you could even call it a city at this point. Raven Rex haphazardly 'pogo jumped' its way from fight to fight, claiming 'JUSTICE' and screaming things like 'RAVEN FIST' and 'HEROIC REX KICK' at every opportunity. The other monsters didn't seem to know what to do with the robotic self styled hero but with the reptile they had a clear feeling of dread. The Green Lizard had one goal: finish what the terrorists had started so it could be free to reenter the dream realm and start its predations anew without complications. This required the one child left that a tie to it: the same boy locked away in Raven Rex's chest prison. It wasn't long before the two met and the robot got the gist of what The Green Lizard wanted...and was comically outraged. It's heroic declaration of war was cut short with a tail swipe that sent it careening through the Old Saint Mary's cathedral. Enraged it fired it's eye lasers...only to be met by the reptile's own eye lasers. The ensuing beam off resulting in a pulsing beam war that ultimately caused an energy flux and an explosion that blew both monsters back. Their eyes wafting with energy, the two closed into the mutual arena of melee combat.

As the carnage continued, far off across the bay, in the Golden Gate Park Recreational area, a familiar two legged bird stepped out from the tree line. Now fully grown, the terror of the rainforest, dubbed The Absolute by the natives, had tried to enter Japan but was thwarted, then tried to enter Australia and found nothing of interest. The human population there was all but nonexistent now so it went across the Pacific, from island chain to island chain until finally it landed in California and beheld the chaos occurring across the bridge. However...something had followed The Absolute there...something with PLANS that wouldn't stop at Australia. When The Absolute had been there, they had spoken to it and found it more receptive to their offer than the other monster had been. The Absolute could feel it's benefactors nearby, watching from the hills in anticipation. The Absolute cared not what happened as a result of its actions so long as every human being DIED. The Alien Demon simply wanted to dominate and eat humanity, seeing them as a food source. The Absolute however, instinctively knew humanity to be a threat and wouldn't stop until it had driven them to extinction. One would wonder what The Absolute had that made it so dangerous...it soon revealed its power as it trotted into the bay. Spying a battleship still trying to hammer the monsters from afar, The Absolute took a running start and kicked it - HARD. The entire ship rose out of the water and suddenly within a split second it was now flying through the air at a much higher elevation than it started. Almost as if it had teleported there. The next second The Absolute was RIDING THE BOAT. Back arched and preening over its shoulder in a pose that shouldn't have been physically possible for its body type. The entire cabin tore off from the force and the ship began to dip, arcing its descent...straight into the heart of San Francisco. Within moments it hit City Hall like a titanic missile, The Absolute kicked off and skidded to a stop, crowing with joy as City Hall exploded under the force of a ruptured battle ship colliding with it. The Absolute ignored the other monsters as it homed in on the last little gathering of humans in the city. A group of the monster cult still waving their signs around and cheering for the fall of 'the man'. The Absolute may not have been that imposing at first glance but it was fast and things seemed to slow down around it as it dashed toward that solitary building. A'kity and Haze were fighting near  it, A'kity getting the upper hand seemingly at last as Haze was exhausted from being out of the water so long. That's when The Absolute struck, blowing straight through A'kity and using Haze as a ramp so that it could leap onto the side of the building. It then proceeded to STOMP up the side of the building, and leer over the roof. With a screech it leapt into the air and came down on the roof with its full weight. The entire mass was crushed as it leapt off and began to chase the now fleeing and screaming leftovers in the alleys and other ruins.

As it continued its rampage, The Absolute caused utter mayhem between the other monsters. It separated The Ammonite and The Bird, sending The Ammonite blowing itself backwards into DP's nexus of a nuclear storm. It was promptly electrocuted and was vaporized. The Bird spun out of control into the death match between the Cyber Serpent and the Alien Demon. The Alien Demon's ice breath chilling The Bird's body and grievously slowing it down. The Alien Demon proceeded to snap it's neck and use it 's body as a club to swat the Cyber Snake through a pile of rubble. The Plant Giant and the Cerberus were still locked in combat until The Absolute chased a hijacked tanker of chemicals and kicked it in The Plant Giant's general direction. The chemicals caused a bad reaction in the creature, causing it to lash out wildly and try to shake the stinging mess off. The Cerberus snarled at The Absolute who seemed to dodge around the slowed down breath attack and kick the Cerberus down the block before it continued its hunt for humans. The Plant Giant blundered into the fight between DP and The Purple Ooze..and sensed nuclear energy to feed on. It weathered the flames and mauling claws to try and drain the energy but was pushed back against The Purple Ooze. The alien blob monster wanted no distractions and sunk it's fangs into the Plant Giant. The horrific toxin began to effect The Plant Giant immediately, it's skin cracking and splintering as it began to rot from the inside out. The Purple Ooze tore the obstacle in half and continued its fight. The Absolute then interrupted the fight between the Green Lizard and Raven Rex. Raven Rex outraged with the 'cowardly villains' hit and run tactics. The Green Lizard simply chased after Raven Rex as it tried to apprehend it. The Absolute smelt the last living human in the city inside of Raven Rex as it tried to grapple him and now having a clear purpose, wrenched it's claw arm in its massive beak and began to drag it across the city, trying to shake the child loose. Raven Rex attempted to eye laser the Absolute but it proceeded to absorb the energy beams and unfurl its tail feathers, scattering the energy. This caused another interruption of the Cyber Serpent and Alien Demon's fight. Having enough of this, the Alien Demon turned away from its ice addled foe and leaped over, trying to crush The Absolute under its weight and sending a shockwave blowing across the ruins. This separated The Absolute from its quarry momentarily and it egged the Alien Demon on and it gave chase, The Absolute luring it into obstacles and making a show of the brute's inability to catch it. It's claws always just out of reach. The Green Lizard was interrupted by The Cerberus, as it could feel something sinister about the creature and decided that it didn't belong in the waking world another second. The Green Lizard obliged the challenge and the two mauled and tore into each other with ferocity. At first it seemed as if The Cerberus's acidic breath would finally kill The Green Lizard but the ever adapting reptile soon struggled free and having inoculated itself against the acid, whipped all three heads across the face with its tail and sent it sprawling. It then wheeled upon the shakily rising scaled canine and fired it's eye beams at full blast. The other worldly energy was effective against the magically vulnerable Cerberus and the triple headed canine fell with a whine as it's smoking crater of a chest was burned clean through. Meanwhile the Cyber Serpent noticed the child's presence within Raven Rex and tried to rescue the child, it's programming to protect putting it at odds with the automations own warped machine logic. However Raven Rex had the advantage as it had hands, it was heavier for its size and harder to blow down and finally the alien metal virus that suffused its entire body latched onto the Cyber Serpents mutant but metallic parts and corrupted them, giving the Cyber Serpent a hideous form of machine cancer. The metal parts were tearing themselves free of the creature and adding to Raven Rex's own formidable junk arsenal, sealing its fate as it's organic body gave out. Raven Rex was euphoric as it had acquired 'a new power up' and now had fully functional wings!

The Alien Demon continued to try and slay The Absolute who led it into the fight between A'kity and Haze. Though by fight I really mean ' lazy retreat followed by "I just want to talk!'' ' from the blob monster as Haze sluggishly rolled itself toward the bay. Dashing between the two, The Absolute lured the Alien Demon between them and the big black and blue bruiser got tangled in Haze's tentacles. Panicking, Haze lashes out with its razor tipped tentacles wildly trying to free itself and escape. This causes the Alien Demon to pick the squid up and get it's left eye cut out for its trouble. Enraged beyond belief, the Alien Demon freezes the squirming Haze into a solid ice structure and brutally smashes it into the ground, sending bits of frozen tentacles everywhere. Haze's own ability to adapt unable to surpass its sole elemental weakness. A'kity was beside itself. It had effectively watched a monster murder another monster when it was weak and doing everything it could to escape. A'kity had now gone from being 'reasonably upset' at the state of things to absolutely livid. This same monster had also killed and eaten so many people...something primal within the blob resurfaced. The combined indignation of many, MANY dead. A'kity let loose a scream so loud it caused The Alien Demon's knees to buckle. It blindly clawed at A'kity but the squishy body latched onto the claw and threw itself upon the Alien Demon with a fury it didn't know it had possessed prior to this. The blob continued to scream, the sound resonating into the Alien Demon's body and beginning to affect it's inner organs. The Alien Demon clawed and tried to freeze the blob but it simply shattered, melted and recombined into bouncing jelly bullets that had enough strength to send the Alien Demon sprawling through half leveled buildings. The Alien Demon had grown so accustomed to fighting things weaker than it, less durable, less vicious. It didn't know how to handle something normally so basic and yet so formidably blunt. For the second time, it knew fear.

Raven Rex meanwhile proceeded to chase down the running Absolute and burned a wall in front of it with its lasers. Floating down, Raven Rex asked how many humans had it killed to satisfy it's strange time altering powers. The Absolute seemed to give this some actual thought, plucked a Coca-Cola vending machine off the ground and tore it open, spilling the contents in front it...before smashing the piles of soda with its foot, again taking a strange posture to show how flippant it was.

"You Monster." Raven Rex proceeded to squawk out. The Absolute gestured with its tiny wing talon at Raven Rex's chest, indicating the child locked inside and Raven Rex roar of a reply was "I HAVE STANDARDS!" before  tackling The Absolute. The giant terror bird like monster continued to cluck and chatter in what sounded almost like Norse Code causing Raven Rex to shout "SHUT UP! MY BEST FRIEND IS DEAD!" and use it's stolen wings to blast hurricane force winds at The Absolute, sending it tumbling through the devastated streets. Raven Rex however would not let up, screaming 'Who do you work for?! SWEAR TO ME!" The Absolute only crowed defiantly in response and took off toward the fight between The Purple Ooze and DP. The Alien Demon and A'kity, still locked in combat also began to stumble their way towards the elemental storm. To The Absolute's disbelief however, Raven Rex's strange metal composition was not as effected by the temporal slow down as everything else. Not as effectively as Rhenium would be but it did the trick. Harried and bloodied at every turn, for great justice naturally, The Absolute Weapon made a fatal miscalculation in the frozen time. Upon exiting the frozen time, it found The Purple Ooze's clawed pseudo pod impaling it through the back of the head, lifting it up and tossing it through the air. In its death throes, a black orb appeared in the sky for a hour...and then it disappeared. A feathered body fell and retired...into the water. While this occurred, A'kity and the Alien Demon blundered up to DP and the constant shockwave and frequency of nuclear reaction caused A'kity to slowly lose its grip and the Alien Demon was finally able to peel the blob monster off. But it had wandered too close to DP and the weakened nuclear colossus needed more fuel. It eyed the smaller monster and rumbled, it's claws moving deceptively fast for its size. The sheer fall out of being brought into melee range causes a chain reaction of intense high and low pressure between the two and out of the two the Alien Demon's body is the least ready. Weakened from A'kity's continued assault, the Alien Demon graphically implodes and DP absorbs the electro-magnetic force so it can continue its fight.

Raven Rex recognized DP as the biggest threat to 'FREEDOM' and so did its best to assist (steal the glory) of The Purple Ooze. Getting close to the walking lightning storm was dangerous to Raven Rex and so it did what it assumed was a smart thing and began to use its wings to blow the storm and flames out from under it. However, all this did was fan the flames and spread the lightning out farther. It tried it's laser beams, but DP found the attack to be a nuisance and off handedly sent a wave of raw nuclear flame the robot's way. This proceeded to comically send it head over tailpipe. At this moment The Green Lizard ambushed Raven Rex and began to frantically claw at Raven Rex's chest compartment, furiously trying to claw at the child inside whose scream only made it dig that much harder. However to Raven Rex's surprise, a intensely high pitched scream sent The Green Lizard sprawling end over end before  flopping  on its side in a dazed fit. Raven Rex looked to see A'kity flowing over with a slightly sadder version of its expression on its body. Raven Rex decided to open a dialogue.

"Thank you strange blob creature! Can I consider you an ally of justice?"

~ We don't know...we have heard this word 'justice'...many times. We..are not sure what...it means.~

"How can you not know what justice is?!"

~Men say that...killing is justice. Men say that...if we die it is justice. To destroy...is justice.~

"Well of course it is. As long as it's against villains!"

~But what is villain? Is villain...just enemy?~

"Villains are enemies of justice! Surely you know an enemy of justice when you see one. They're criminals!"

~If villains are...criminals. Criminals are...those that break...laws. Then villains...are those that break laws.~

"Well yeah of course-"

~If those that break...laws. Are villains...then killing those who...break laws...is justice?~

"Yep, all right there in the superhero handbook! Hah we'll make a side kick out of you yet...err."

~A...kitty.~

"A kitty...Ack, ackman...no, no, no. AH HA, CAT BLOB!"

~Cat...blob?~

"Yes! Yes of course! Your superhero alias. You need one of those naturally."

~If breaking laws...is what villains do...then. Why kill?~

"Well it stops them obviously."

~If killing...is against laws...and killing villains is justice. Then justice is...being a villain.~

"Heh...heh...oh Cat Blob you're such a kidder-"

~A...kitty...not kidding. We...see justice...so much justice.~

"Now see here Cat Blob. When villains kill it's not justice, its evil. When heroes kill villains, it's justice. That's how it works."

~If hero...kills...hero...breaks laws. If hero...breaks law...hero...is a villain.~

"...Where are you going with this Cat Blob?"

~Why are you...hero? How...is that...good?~

"It's...it's what I was made to do. I protect children. I...save them. Because they're innocent and the innocent are good! Heroes protect the innocent so that makes them good! Hah see! It works!"

~You...have child...in there. You...protect...that child. How?~

"What? Have you not been paying attention to my heroic exploits?! I've kept this child alive with me this entire time! He couldn't be safer anywhere on earth! And that's good because I think he might be the only truly innocent child left on earth. If that's not heroic I don't know what is! I mean... I still got to teach him karate and give him his own super hero name but he'll be a good kid you'll see!"

~Children are...offspring of parents. Parents are...adults. Children become...adults. Adults are...not innocent.~

"Yeaaaah~ about that. Look, adults are evil. You can't trust them. I mean...I still haven't found a way to keep kids from growing up yet but until I do I gotta protect them from all the adults! Adults corrupt everything they touch, its nasty! That's why I kill them! And kill some corrupt kids too. You know, so they don't become more villainous adults! Like...like last time...But anyway! That's all part of a heroes duty! I learned my lesson! Gotta take care of everything myself! That way they'll stay innocent and good see!"

~Killing adults...breaks law. Killing children...breaks law. Killing adults...and children...breaks law. Killing adults...and children...is...murder. Murder...is not...good. Heroes that...murder...are not good. To be good...is to not murder. To be a...hero...is to be...good.~

"Hold on a god damn minute here! How am I supposed to stop evil if I don't kill? The fist of justice is IRON son. You can't just talk every villain into giving up! That just gives them more time to commit evil! And last I checked adults ARE evil!"

~Wrong.~

"What?"

~Adults are..evil...is wrong. It is...false. Adults...make choices. Some wrong...some...right. Adults are not...good. Because adults...make choices. But adults...are not evil...because adults...make choices. Children...learn to...make choices. That is...what being...adult means. To give choice...is right. To deny choice...is wrong. To kill...is to deny choice. To kill...is to do wrong. But to kill...is a choice.~

"I can't...I can't NOT kill them! They'll...The-the-they'll betray you! Why are you even bringing this up Cat Blob?! I gotta save the world here!"

~To be a hero...is to be remembered...for doing right. If you...fight them...with that boy...he will die. You will have...killed him. You will have...denied him...choice to live. Are you...hero? Or are you...villain?~

"...That's a cold slab of truth you just served me Cat Blob. I...I can't rationalize...last time. That's why I killed them...killed them all. Maybe...maybe I was dark to begin with...All I wanted was...to protect him. Why did he short me out Cat Blob? Why would he do that? I did it for him...it was all for him."

~Choice...is reason. Action...makes reaction. Reaction...is choice. You did for...him...made choice. Will you...have repeat? If THEY...do not stop...there will be...no more choice. No more...adults...no more children...to make them. No more...to protect...no more...to save. No more...heroes.~

Raven Rex slowly got to its plodding tractor tread like talons and slowly maneuvered the boy into the cup of its tractor claw and set him down on an abandoned but stable hunk of building. It then turned to the elemental chaos before them...The Purple Ooze was losing, DP was trying to force it into a manageable shape so it could store it inside of itself as it did with the Ooze's other half. Raven Rex turned to A'kity.

"Let's deliver some heavy metal justice to that nuclear bastard."

~I will...assist you...as long as I...can.~

A'kity formed itself around Raven Rex, filling any nook and cranny to insulate the mecha for its final dance with the devil. With its wings it flew straight for the spiny colossus, the lightning rippling across the green goo but otherwise leaving the mechanical parts alone. DP's concentration was on the heavy task in front of it. It didn't notice the flying robot slamming an oversized track hoe claw into its face until it was too late. With a cry of 'HERO SUPER CAT BLOB KICK' DP's focus was broken and The Purple Blob was able to escape the trap. The duo continued to pound at the 340 meter monster's face, irking it to unseen degrees. The Purple Ooze however struck back, Grappling with DP's might clawed limbs, keeping them away from the smaller foe hammering at it. A'kity felt the cry of The Purple Ooze's mate inside DP's chest and relayed it to Raven Rex. The mecha didn't think twice, it  dropped down and used its wings to propel it forward while firing it's eye beams at maximum strength. Trying to pry open the chest cavity. A'kity struggled to stay together but the intense heat and lightning were burning it away ounce by ounce. Still they pressed on, DP raging at the idea of losing its living battery. It revved up its nuclear aura as high as it could, trying to force it's enemy's off of it. But Raven Rex pressed on and with a might crack, they peeled it open. Molten fire and radiation lashed the two kaiju but something else struggled deep within. Reaching with its metal claws. Raven Rex began to extract the blue struggling goo out. With a final twist and heave they got the blue orb out and threw it to The Purple Ooze who immediately embraced it. DP was now free to use its claws but Raven Rex and A'kity forced themselves inside of it. DP clawed at its chest, trying to dig them out. Raven Rex knew that a nuclear creature had be vulnerable to things like cadmium or silver. But missiles of the stuff could only slow it down and drain it of energy from the outside. It's form was nearly indestructible after all. A'kity was fading and the electrical interference was beginning to erode Raven Rex's systems.

~We are...sorry...we cannot...survive.~

"Don't worry Cat Blob. I'll think of something!"

~We must...stop...the...f-f-fission.~

"A time restricted bomb scenario? Like that's gonna stop me! This big dumb bastard doesn't know it, but I AM THE BOMB!"

~This...i-i-is...goodbye.~

"Cat Blob...it's been an honor. God speed."

~God speed...speed...is God?~

Raven Rex overloaded his eye lasers, the energy turned into a nova by A'kity's final sonic scream. Within DP the energy proceeded to overload and with a final roar, DP erupted into a mushroom cloud of fire. The metallic alien virus conflicting with the virus that allowed DP to function an destabilizing it from within. The Purple Ooze took the full force of the blast, ironically shielding everything behind him...including a small unconscious boy. As the dust settled, The Purple Ooze separated momentarily with its mate, happy to be reunited once more. Out of the corner of its many eyes, The Purple Ooze saw something reptilian stir and begin to crawl. It took some time but The Green Reptile overcame the sonic scream and even the nuclear heat wave through sheer force of will. It's body producing strange metal properties to counterattack the effects. It stomped over to where the boy lay, eager to finish it's task. It was suddenly grabbed by The Purple Ooze and hoisted into the air with a single gelatinous arm. It warbled judgingly and sank it's fangs into The Green Lizard's throat. For a moment The Green Lizard went still and the toxin seemed to take effect...only for the reptile to lash back to life and eye beam The Purple Ooze's entire head off. The alien blob was forced to relinquish its hold as it tried to regenerate it's face. It's mate warbling in distress as The Green Reptile once more went after it's prize. It opened its triple split mouth and a large tongue snaked out to snatch the boy. The boy cried incoherently as he was lifted up...screaming as his literal nightmare prepared to eat him.

That's when a small robotic dinosaur with comical ass wings and a beak like head clambered out of the boy's coat pocket and screamed in a tiny and high pitched mechanical voice:

"SURPRISE MUTHAFUCKAH!"

Racing down the tongue as fast as it's little mini tread feet could carry it, it launched itself into the gaping abyss that was The Green Reptile's mouth. Latching onto the soft wet flesh, The toy's body revealed a potent energy reactor within its little blocky chest.

"YIPPY KAI YEAH DREAM FREAK! HEROES NEVER DIE!"

The chest reactor went off with a flash, striking at The Green Lizard's one critical weak spot. The ensuing chain reaction caused the entire monster to spasm and undulate as the rival energies fought each other and in a spectacular explosion of green, red, and various shades of other green and red, The Green Lizard exploded into ectoplasmic goo. The boy would have fallen to his death but a blue pseudo pod reached out and caught him, slowly setting him back down on the now gore drenched building.

With over a dozen monsters dead, a single autistic child saved out of a population of thousands, and a state, nay, a world, left in ruins...it was hard to call the fallout from the soon to be dubbed 'Battle Royale' a victory. Be that as it may, it was over and the two alien blobs joined together and launched themselves back into the heavens. What remained were pieces...lots and lots of pieces that never really came back together. The political...social...religious...hell we'll just leave it at social, impact was leviathan in scale. California was a ruin but one that held lots of national interest. Australia...we still don't know what happened to Australia. The United States recovered...but there were some serious changes. Asia...sort of recovered. It took months for The Birds terraforming of the atmosphere to change back. Canada was lucky, this time. Japan wanted to honor the Cyber Serpent personally, the legal battle over the body and who owns it is still ongoing. Biologists were having a field day with the amount of parts they could scavenge from the battle sight. Most major religions held a day of silence for A'kity who ultimately helped save the world. It became the first monster saint for its selfless pursuit of truth, understanding and compassion. Raven Rex, despite its earlier actions was acknowledged as having made the ultimate sacrifice.

You're probably wondering how I know all this. Well, that's because I lived it. My name is Paul Abramo and I was that sole surviving exchange student they recovered from the site. I felt that someone ought to know about what happened...since monsters generally don't tell their own stories. It changed my life...and who knows...maybe it can change yours.