KloC: Chapter Five

Chapter Five: Many Things Happen

      Allow me to be the first to say that, it had not been my idea to allow command to sleep as well. I was taking my much due and needed break; those in command were just being lazy. Command as their name suggests, commands things. Like my sense of hearing, smell, etc. Anyway they had decided to sleep right alongside me which was the likely explanation of why I didn’t hear anything approaching until it had put its head in the log and announced its arrival.

      I crawled backwards deeper into the log as something cold and squishy plopped atop my head.

      “Space worms! Space worms!” I yowled and hissed at the enemy. “Sneaking up on a sleeping soldier! That’s a coward’s move!”

      “Ohh….dear,” came the reply. Had an average to slightly girly sounding voice—well in Human terms anyway. “I’m sorry commander Smiley.”

      The space worm knew my name? That was odd. Actually, so was the idea that a space worm was here come to think of it. They should’ve been back in space. Thus the ‘space’ part of that particular worm name. Makes sense, doesn’t it? I thought so.

      Whatever it was though, it knew my name, and that meant it probably knew me. Whether or not this was a good or bad thing I wasn’t entirely sure yet. I had some friends and I also had some enemies after all, much like most anyone does. Some might say I actually had a few more enemies than friends and that furthermore I might have been just a tad suspicious of this individual who knew my name.

      On the other paw, it had made no attempt at attacking and hadn’t even bothered to try and come into the log to follow me. However, suspicions were suspicions and sometimes one needed to base their decisions on them. You know what? I had been moving backwards for quite a while. I realized that after I fell over backwards out the other end of the log.

      It kind of surprised me actually. Hadn’t realized I had been that close. Anyway after flopping out I hurried to get back up. The creature from before was sitting on top of the log now—right in the center, watching me. It had a whole tangle of tentacles. About six on its head, maybe six more as tails, a few around its arms as well as little dark purple spots and rings. It was primarily purple with golden yellow eyes surrounded by black. Its arms were narrow and hands were rather large and semi floppy fingered all traits highly characteristic of its species, the Qahrburboxis which ironically sounds a lot like cardboard boxes. This one was in the standard brown uniform and watching me curiously with a hint of concern. Its many tentacles wriggled about.

      “Tentacles?” I believe its actual name was Tenna’culs, but we have a habit of giving them names that we can remember easier. They usually sound like their actual names anyway. Tentacles was my crew’s Qahrburboxis representative. Not familiar with those? Let me explain.

      The Qahrburboxis are a giant trade federation. Largest in our solar system I believe, and that of many others. Their species has been known for decades, maybe even centuries, to be serious deal makers. They own an entire industry solely based on trade services and transportation. My species had made a deal with them at some point to supply our military. So through a lot of fancy work and deals ‘n stuff we got what we have now. A Qahrburboxis representative assigned to each crew, always ready to get things shipped as soon as possible as demand arise.

    They’re notably weird creatures, squishy and pliable, usually fairly good natured, but it’s hard to get over the cold, squishy touch. They also don’t have any fur, which is kind of weird. Their skin is mostly very smooth and slick, save for the palms of their hands and bottoms of their feet. Those feel like sandpaper.

      “Commander? Are you okay?”

      “Of course. I’m totally fine, was fine until you snuck up on me anyway.”

      “Sorry about that.”

      “It’s fine. Why are you here?”

      “Transportation service.”

      “Huh?”

      It tapped at a box it had brought along. It looked very similar to a normal cardboard box from Earth, however these things were seriously high tech with tiny little nanobots that connected together to form its shape. It could do all kinds of cool things that I had seen in demonstrations.

      “Transportation.” It repeated again. “Your uhh…umm…” It used another tentacle to reach into the box and pull out a super thin board. It was mostly transparent—a sort of purple hue that matched the Qahrburboxis. I could see both bright and dark patterns all over it. Letters were semi visible to me but it had a jumble feature so that no one other than the Qahrburboxis looking directly down on it could read it. “…corporal! Corporal Spork noted me to come pick you up.”

      “Oh. Well that was nice.”

      “Yes it was.”

      We stared for a moment. Tentacles with its bunch of tentacles swaying all about as it clutched the little schedule tablet thing. It tapped at the box again. I was getting the hint that it wanted me to climb inside so that’s exactly what I did. It had a cushion on the bottom so that was nice. I purred briefly as I settled myself down into place then looked curiously at the Qahrburboxis. I wasn’t quite sure how this was supposed to get me where I wanted to be.

      Tentacles wrapped several of its tails around the box and simply began walking along; the box seemed to follow with no issue whatsoever. That was strange to say the least. I tried to look and see if there was something different with this box but couldn’t see anything obvious.

      “Anti friction and counter gravity.” It stated simply. “Pretty basic technology.”

      That was fancy Qahrburboxis talk for saying it was basically hovering, I think.

      It picked up momentum as we rushed through the outskirts of the city. Tentacles still had its little tablet out and seemed to be studying that more than the road in front of us. It seemed to have the city patterns memorized as it whipped back and forth without even stopping to see if Humans lurked. Not a single road we were going down had any though.

      Huh. Not sure when Qahrburboxis got so smart. I mean, not that they’re dumb or anything, but well, let’s just say, Qwuedeviv are superior to everything and as you saw earlier, I had had a bit of trouble navigating the city so flawlessly. Furthermore, Qahrburboxis pretty much all had two eyes on the fronts of their faces. Some species, like my own, the Qwujakuhl and others, were known for occasionally having more eyes. Qahrburboxis were not though so how this little ‘boxis was doing this was simply a—

      “We’re here.” Tentacles announced. Before us was an apartment complex. We went around to the backside of the building. The scenery was far from pretty. Quite a bit of trash littered the place and a lot of old stuff that looked like it had sat out too long. The weeds were overgrown and the brick work stuff had definitely seen better days. Now it was all cracked and crumbling apart.

      I ducked down inside of the box and briefly wondered why I had thought it was a good idea to go along with a bipedal squid that had been sent on an assignment by Spork. It slid a card into the door with one tentacle and a little green light lit up. With yet another tentacle it turned the handle and walked through, dragging along the box, and me. The door shut behind us as it pulled all its tentacles in and off of the box.

      I let my head just barely peek out from the box, ears low, and eyes scanning my surroundings. This could have been a trap, and I was injured. Of course I would still defend and attack if need be, but—wherever we were was pretty bare as a causal observation. The walls, the room…yeah, just everything.

      How a Qwuedeviv managed to rent an apartment beat my best guess, but Spork had mentioned something about landlords being pretty quick to say yes for money. Where it had found Earthian currency was another great question, but yet another I resisted asking about. With Spork, it’s usually best not to ask unless you’re in the mood for some horror stories.

      I don’t know about you, but I’m not much of a fan of horror stories. The concept of why someone would intentionally set out to cause themselves such discomfort is a strange and foreign concept to me. Why not use those efforts for better things? Like begging for candy and cookies? That sounds much more delicious than horror stories to me. Do you eat candy and cookies while listening to horror stories? No! Of course not! Because they upset your tummy! Anywaaaay, back on topic here.

      Spork’s place was pretty simple. The interior wasn’t anything outstanding and the place wasn’t particularly big. It had a couple rooms and a kitchen. Not surprisingly, the walls were bare, and there was no furniture or decorations aside from a few blankets which were apparently “beds.”

      “Welcome to the corporal’s apartment, my furry friend! Make yourself as at home as you dare. I am not liable for any physical or property damage that may result. To file a complaint about our service, or services, please submit a formal complaint to our Help Desk. You can expect a turnaround time of—”

      My ears twitched. “Shh. Squidy. I’ve heard your sales pitch like a million times.”

      “It’s my job.”

      “Well how about you don’t do it and we say you did?” I smiled.

      It looked confused and shrugged. “If that’s what you want, friend.”

      It tended to call us friend off and on. It was usually either formal titles or “friend.” Still hadn’t quite figured out why that was, but sometimes I didn’t bother trying to figure out the mind of a Qahrburboxis. They were weird little critters.

      I climbed out of the box and stretched my legs. My back was still pretty sore and my limbs were still aching some, but the rest had definitely helped.

      “Spork never mentioned you were here with it.”

      “Oh…well, you see the corporal isn’t too happy with me at the moment.”

      “How come?”

      “I can’t get the supplies requested.”

      “Wait, what? But you have your little communication thingy!”

      “That much is true.” Tentacles noted. “And it’s perfectly functional. However, I don’t have clearance to process your orders. Your corporal wants me to reroute a replacement set of communication supplies in order to establish a direct line of contact with your HQ. However, I cannot process any orders without the official processing permission from your HQ. The codes for us to work as your supplier were for Qwuedanjj, not Earth.”

      “Well that’s dumb.” I scowled. “We don’t have any sort of communication to get into contact with HQ to get you clearance to get us the communication devices to be in contact with them.”

      “There lies the problem, I’m afraid.” Tentacles frowned.

      “Oh come on. You can’t use that thing to call HQ?”

      “That breaches our agreement and contract.”

      “You guys are really annoying. No wonder Spork doesn’t like you.”

      “I’m sorry. I don’t make the rules. You could file for a request of policy change when you return home.”

      “A lot of good that will do.”

      “My apologies, friend.”

      “Why would they plan it for Qwuedanjj? We’re on Earth! You’d think they could get the planet right.” I rubbed my head. “It’s not even a regional error.”

      “It is rather displeasing I’m sure. You have my sympathy.”

      I looked at the purple ‘boxis. Sympathy was oddly not my first thought when I saw it. Something more like indifference. Caring only about a sale, something like that sounded more suffice. Its ‘sympathy’ was short lived. Within a few moments it had left behind being the supportive friend and moved on to cleaning up the room. I don’t know how much the room really needed in the way of cleaning. There was hardly anything around. I guess Tentacles probably felt pretty useless all things considered. Qahrburboxis were fast and reliable workers; failure was not something they commonly dealt with.

    I don’t know how much time had gone by but eventually Spork and Love ‘n Hearts arrived. It was at this point that I had to retell the whole story of how I had narrowly escaped the jaws of death and how all of this was definitely Cedric’s fault.

    The kitten was certainly not concerned with anything we were discussing at the time. I couldn’t say I blamed it. Everything we were talking about was pretty boring, but still it could have acted interested since it was unofficially part of our crew.

    Spork had courteously offered me a foam cup of water and that was about it. While this may have truly been the most thoughtful thing Spork could think up, it was a little lacking for the majority of the rest of us. For example, Hearts had confiscated a frozen pop of some sort from the freezer. It was red and looked far tastier than plain old water. I would have preferred something like it.

    “We need to move our current forces to one location.”

    “Well this place seems to suffice.” I lapped at the water in the cup. “There’s space, and you already own it or whatever.”

    Spork growled and shook its head. “And let that Human think he can do whatever he pleases?”

    “Well…I mean it is his house. That should count for something, right?”

    Apparently it didn’t. Spork rebounded towards me at a swift pace. “What kind of soldier are you? You don’t let the enemy make the calls. It is our job to enforce Qwuedeviv ruling.”

    “Can’t we enforce it on someone less…Cedricy?”

    “You’re too attached to that Human,” Spork grumbled, “it’s blinding you if your Qwuedeviv instincts. I think you like it. I think you think it makes for a good ally.”

    “I do not!” I fluffed up my tail fur—even the ruffled tip.

    “Do too.”

    “Do not infinity plus a million-twenty!!”

    Spork tilted its head to one side, its ears slowly falling to both sides. Its eye disguise had vanished briefly and its face shown of something. Surprise? Confusion? It looked baffled by the proclamation. It probably hadn’t expected such overwhelming confidence. I mean, I had jumped straight to the million-twenty infinity plus package. That was hard to argue with.

    “Look, you have two options. Go back to your Human pal and tell him he’s got new living arrangements or we’ll pay him a visit the traditional Qwuedeviv way.”

    “Oooh,” the kitten half giggled in agreement. Around its mouth was covered in red—looked like an Earthian clown or lady lipstick commercial thing. “Let’s do that one!”

    “Even the kitten has the right idea,” Spork grumbled and shook its head at me.

    I frowned and let my head drop down. Why did we have to discuss stuff like this right now? I was injured, that made making decisions more difficult. Spork should have been caring for me, keeping me comfy whilst I healed. I tried to glance over my shoulder to see the injuries down along my back that I had sustained.

    “They’re not bad.” Spork declared. “Not much more than a few long scratches. It should heal fine.” Its ears twitched. “So long as you don’t let it get infected.”

    I wasn’t sure I trusted Spork’s judgment of my injuries. Spork was not one to stop for medical treatment. Everything was “just a scratch.” I’d have much preferred to get a professional medical evaluation of it. Preferably one by someone other than the crew medic.

    “I can fix the uniform if you like.” Tentacles offered, having appeared from…somewhere. Not sure where.

    Spork scowled at the purple creature who ducked away from its searing gaze.

    “I suppose that would be helpful.” Spork eventually admitted. “Since you’re useless for anything else.”

    Tentacles nodded happily, disappearing into one of the other rooms for a moment and then returning with a few supplies wrapped in its tentacles. I couldn’t see what it had, but I figured they were probably whatever you use to fix up clothing. It got to work—while the stuff was still on me. I hoped it was good with the needle and thread or whatever it used, because if it happened to poke me…the whole world was going to know it.

    Love ‘n Hearts had finished its popsicle by this point and had been licking at the little popsicle stick it had been on. I watched it for a moment. I preferred to look at the kitten than Spork you see, because Spork would just find some rude remark to make.

    “All done!” Tentacles announced.

    I’d have to take its word for it. I couldn’t see my back very well.

    “Thanks.”

    The purple creature nodded and took a few steps back, its many tails swirling about. It cast Spork a glance and then disappeared back into the other room.

    “I swear if it wouldn’t jeopardize our standing with the Qahrburboxis…”

    I gave a hesitant smile and sat down. I watched Hearts for a few minutes; the kitten was still licking at that popsicle stick.

    “You should get home,” Spork declared, “before it gets too dark.”

    I couldn’t argue with that logic. It’d be far easier to navigate back home if I could see what was in front of my face. The real question was would Cedric let me come back? Or would I stumble upon those awful creatures again?

    “Yeah,” I pondered.

    There was a moment’s quiet between us and then Spork stood.

    “I’ll escort you home.”

    “What? Escort me back? But I got here just fine!” I protested. “I’ll be able to—”

    “Finding your way is not my primary concern.” It used its tail to brush gently over my shoulder as it walked towards the door and put on the brown jacket it often wore to the school. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

    I had to suppress a laugh at that one. “Don’t want me to get hurt? You practically tried to kill me yesterday!”

    “Think what you like.” It answered with a shrug. “Hearts, stay inside with the squish squid. I’ll be back soon.”