I don't want you to die

Calida

Months. It had been months since Calida had a proper meal or a full night's sleep. She resembled a walking corpse; fur matted all around, bones protruding under her dry skin, and eyes as dull as a rock. She could no longer hunt large game, for any activity that required her to do more than walk caused her to become lightheaded. All she could do was ambush small prey and track the herds to make sure everything was in check. Her stomach growled for meat, but just the thought of eating sent a wave of nausea through her. Deep sleep had become a distant memory, in its place stood harrowing nightmares that would cause even the bravest of wolves to shiver like a frightened pup. Her state seemed to defy nature.

However, Calida did not seem to worry about herself. Instead her mind was preoccupied with thoughts of another wolf, Ludko. She had not spoken to him for weeks, not since she snapped at him in Besteng. The guilt of her actions seemed to loom over her every second of every day. She could not unsee the look of hurt in his expression when she talked down to him. The image of his face would not leave her mind. Today it was especially bad, the scene would replay in her head over and over, and every time it created a new tear in her heart. She decided to take a walk through The Weald to try and clear her guilt-stricken mind.

No amount of walking would help the she-wolf though, instead it only made matters worse. Due to the change in weather, the paths that allowed the Fellfangir to navigate the extremely dense forest had become a bit overgrown. Trying to make her way through thick undergrowth proved too demanding for Calida’s worn body. An extremely powerful wave of lightheadedness overcame her and she fell to the cold earth. There was no telling how long Calida would be in this position for. She had told no one of her whereabouts, and due to her recent social withdrawal from the pack, she assumed that no one would notice her disappearance. Her heavy and uneven breathing calmed only after her vision turned black and consciousness completely leaked from her body.

---

Ludko

Carefully, Ludko wandered the trails of The Weald, following Calida’s trail. Unlike what he’d hoped, his promotion was not a cure for whatever was plaguing the huntress. Instead, he watched in dismay as she only further deteriorated further. Furthermore, he was still worried about angering her. As such, he was mindful of himself around her - however painful it was to stay out of her way. Still, he watched out for her where he could.

However, today he had noticed she seemed especially bad, and decided to tail her. She was making her way slower than any wolf usually would, which wasn’t a surprise to him, but was concerning all the same. Fear began to nag at him as he thought about the sandy wolf collapsing by herself, and he was soon proven right.

He’d have stepped right over her due to the undergrowth engulfing her body if he hadn’t tripped over the huntress’s limp body. Ludko yelped as he landed hard on his chin, but soon forgot his pain as he assessed what had happened.

Calida was lying motionless - her breath shallow.

Panic swept him, “Calida! Calida!” The ginger wolf began prodding her with his muzzle and licking her face, desperate to wake her up, but to no avail. He was growing more and more scared, and unable to think of anything else, lifted his head and let out a desperate howl for help.

---

Grendel

Sniffing and snuffling through the forest Grendel was out and about collecting herbs. The season was full of the richest fruit and herbs for the healer and he was always in need to stock up on, well, pretty much everything. Ever since the fire things sure had calmed down and taken a turn for the better. Sure, Grendel still missed Lore every day, wished to tell her how he progressed, how he was discovering new remedies every day. How her brother was faring, how their pack was thriving, but he knew that she was there, watching over them. He just knew, whenever he watched the sky at night, that she wasn’t gone. Not really.

A bit of a sigh escaped him, when he stuffed some more herbs into the hide of a rabbit he had folden, so he could take more herbs with him than fitted into his mouth. It wasn’t perfect, but it sure did it’s job and that was what counted most. When winter come along, he definitely wanted to be prepared to give his pack the best medical help he could provide. So far everyone seemed to do quite fine. Well. Almost everyone. He certainly worried about Calida, she was being much too hard on herself and it was plain to see that she already was suffering consequences of her lack of food and sleep, but what was he going to do, if she didn’t consult him? He couldn’t force her and if he was being honest to himself, he believed her physical state was rather caused by a mental wound than an actual illness.
It was just when he thought about the unfortunate she-wolf, that a familiar howl made his head snap up. Was that Ludko? The grey wolf gave a grunt, quickly grabbing his rabbit hide and loped for the source of the howl was fast as his three and a half legs could carry him. When the shapes of two wolves came into view, his yellow eyes widened.
“Ludko!” he called, dropping the hide, “What happened!”  

---

Calida

No thoughts went through the emaciated she-wolf’s mind as she lay in the cool vegetation. It was as if all of her senses were put on pause and communication between her brain and body were cut off. She could not feel the earth beneath her, smell the cool soil, or hear the wind blowing through the trees. She also was not aware of how much time had passed before Ludko’s touch brought her back for a moment.

She did not move or open her eyes, but she could hear Ludko’s muffled voice and his howl for help. Soon after another recognizable voice hit her ears, it was the Bandr Witch-Doctor, Grendel. However, before anyone could breath another word, Calida’s consciousness quickly faded away once again.

---

Ludko

Already close to tears, Ludko nearly sobbed in relief as Grendel appeared, “She just collapsed! Grendel, what’s wrong with her? What do we do?”

With every question he asked, Ludko could feel the panic rising in his chest, but he couldn’t help himself. Calida wasn’t waking up. From his experience, wolves that fell and didn’t wake up were destined to never to wake up. It was something he couldn’t imagine.

Once more he pressed his nose to Calida’s cheek, desperate for a reaction. “Grendel, what do I do? What do you want me to do!”

Panic finally captured him as he began to sob - the stress of agonizing over Calida’s condition finally spilling over. He knew he appeared no better than a stupid pup crying over trivial things, but he was scared. The closest wolf to him in the pack had just collapsed. Would he lose her? Was she going to die?

---

Grendel

The grey wolf scooted to a halt, when he reached the other male, yellow eyes scanning the collapsed female. She barely was more than bones and matted fur, her breathing shallow and quick, but least it still was there. While poor Ludko almost sobbed with panic, Grendel pressed his nose against Calidas throat, her pulse was weak, but at least still somewhat steady. Lowering his head, he also checked her lungs, pressing an ear against her chest.
“Will you please shut up for a moment, Ludko.” he muttered, a sigh of relief escaping him, when her lungs seemed free. Apparently her bad malnourishment had caused the collapse and nothing was wrong with her lungs and heart.

“You’ll be alright, Calida.” he hummed at the she-wolf, when she stirred slightly, followed by returning his attention to the other male, “Ludko. I need you to calm down now. I know you’re worried, but I also need you to help me. If we act quickly, we hopefully will be able to help her.” Grendel ordered, knowing there was just no time for words of comfort right now. They had to act!
“I want you to take the rabbit hide, run for the river and fill it with water, then come right back here.” he ordered, knowing Ludko would be a lot faster than him, “Calida needs fluid badly, so hurry!”

---

Ludko

He flinched Grendel’s utterance of silence, but he was glad for the healer doing so. Ludko had been close to hyperventilating, and now that he was being quiet, he could think clearly now. The orange brandr listened intently as Gendel soothed the unconscious she-wolf, before turning his sharp eyes on him.

Without even an answer, Ludko leapt over Calida, sweeping up the hide in his jaws in the same movement, and he ran. His heart had never thrummed so fast as he pushed himself to go faster than he ever had before in order to reach the river. Panting, he lowered his head, carefully filling the rabbit pelt with water and clamping his precious cargo in his jaws.

He was a bit slower on the way back - frustratingly slow - but even Ludko knew he could rush the journey. In his mind, spilling even a drop could mean certain doom for his beloved friend, and he wouldn’t be able to live with that.

When the orange brandr returned, he stood still, awaiting Grendel’s instruction.

---

Grendel

The other male flew like the wind, yet Grendel prayed to all spirits he believed and didn’t believe in to make Ludko even faster. It was clear to see that Calidas condition was declining with every passing moment. She needed fluid. Badly.

While he waited he carefully rolled the she-wolf on her belly, so she could breath easier and so they would be able to get the water into her hopefully more successfully. When an orange flash then came swiftly trotting out of the brush, a long sigh of relief escaped Grendel.
“Great job.” Grendel said with a brief nod, when he saw the skin filled with plenty of water, yet there was no time to waste.

“I will grab her snout and open it up, then you need to very carefully try to drop the water into it.” the grey wolf instructed, stepping over the unconscious she-wolf, “Don’t get hectic, you need to drop it carefully and gently. Only a tiny bit at first, we need to make sure she swallows.” Grendel explained further, leaving out the part of what would happen, if Calida wouldn’t be able to swallow anymore. She just would be. They had to believe in it.

Sharing another nod with the other male, Grendel then gently grabbed Calidas snout only on top, listing her head and so forcing her mouth open. When it was open enough, he shot Ludko a glance, so he knew it was now his turn to feed her the water that would hopefully safe her.

---

Ludko

As gently as he could muster, Ludko began carefully pouring the water into Calida’s open mouth. He still had no clue what was happening, but doing something was better than nothing. The orange brandr listened with everything he had, waiting and hoping to hear the sound of the fallen she-wolf swallowing.

He was holding his breath, and nearly passed out from it, when suddenly he heard her. The sound of her swallowing could have made Ludko cry. His tail wagged, and he shared a hopeful glance with Grendel. His green eyes sparkled with enthusiasm, and he had to remind himself that he couldn’t dump all the water down Calida’s throat.

With a deep breath, he continued trickling the water from the pelt into her mouth.

Please please please, you gotta wake up. You just have to. Ludko thought desperately.

---

Calida

Her green eyes opened to the sight of a snow-covered landscape topped with grey skies, every direction she turned her head in would reveal miles and miles of white hills. A bone-chilling wind caused her body to curl into itself and its howling rang in her ears like thunder. Suddenly, the sky lit up as the sun melted away all the snow, flooding the valley and trapping Calida under the surface. She struggled to swim to up, but no matter how hard she kicked and paddled, she remained in one spot. After what seemed like hours of struggling to hold her breath, she finally opened her mouth and let out whatever gas was left in her lungs. The water rushed into her body, but Calida was fine. She breathed like normal, as if she was on land. She could feel the water rushing through her body, into her stomach and through her veins, like energy flowing through her. However this moment of bliss was short lived, for the sky grew dark once more and the water turned into ice. Now she could not breathe whatsoever, her lungs desperately contracted and expanded, but they too eventually froze along with her whole body, and the sky continued to darken until everything went black.

Her body jerked violently as she began to cough up the little bit of water that made its way down the wrong pipe. Her stomach jerked up and inwards with each cough, which only further exaggerated her protruding ribs on her emaciated body. After about a minute her coughing ceased and she began to calm down while taking slow, deep breaths. She slowly opened her eyes and noticed a blurry grey figure; whom she assumed was Grendel since she remembered hearing his voice earlier. Looking over slightly she saw a reddish figure; her vision finally focused and she could clearly see the familiar face of her best-friend, Ludko. She weakly began wagging her tail as a soft whine escaped her throat, she was so glad to see him. She tried to get closer to him, but all she could manage to do was shakily lift her head before letting it fall back down. She was still so weak, but all that mattered was that she was alive, breathing, and awake.

---

Grendel

Grendel’s yellow eyes looked down at Calida when Ludko carefully began pouring the water into her throat, for a moment his heart dropped a bit, but the very next moment she began to swallow, a huge sigh of relief escaping the grey wolf, while he kept holding open her snout, nodding at Ludko encouragingly to keep going.
Once the hide was empty, Grendel gently placed Calidas head on the ground again.
“Watch her...let’s hope she wakes up…” he mumbled, while he again pressed his ear against her chest. Her heart and lungs sounded a bit better than before...and then she suddenly broke out into a violent fit of coughs. His head shooting up, Grendel watched the poor soul cough her heart out, yet in this case it was still a good sign.

“Shh, everything’s okay, Calida. Try to calm down.” Grendel said soothingly, nosing the she-wolf gently, “There, that’s good.” he smiled a bit, when she seemed to finally focus on the world around her again, tail wagging weakly at the sight of Ludko. “You got us quite a scare there, I hope you’re aware of this! Eir knows what might’ve happened if Ludko hadn’t been around and called me here! You really shouldn’t have done this to you.” he said sternly, but not without a tone of fatherly worry, while shaking his head somewhat, “It’s fine now though, try to breath.” he then added, before turning to Ludko, “Stay with her...she badly needs nutritions and more fluid, I’ll go fetch a rabbit.” he ordered, before turning and looping off.

---

Ludko

As Calida began coughing, Ludko stiffened in horror? “What’s wrong? Did we do something wrong? Will she be okay?”

However, Grendel didn’t answer his frantic questions, and instead remained focused on the sandy she-wolf. He was right to, as her eyes flitted open. Though unfocused, it at the very least meant she was alive.

“Calida” Ludko breathed, relief choking him as she weakly wagged her tail at him. Watching her move her head, he knew that she’d been trying to get closer, and laid down beside her. Softly he pressed his cheek into her neck fur, closing his eyes as Grendel gave her a gentle scolding. He was so beyond himself with joy to have his friend back that he couldn’t find the words to stop the gray wolf as he loped away.

“Calida, I’m sorry.” Ludko whimpered, tears welling in his eyes as he pressed his nose to her cheek. “I didn’t know . . . I didn’t know. I wanted to help so bad, but nothing I did was working, and you never seemed to want to talk and - and -- I’m just so happy you’re alive!”

“No more,” the brandr hunter almost sobbed. “I don’t want you to die.”

He was so upset, he couldn’t think of a joke to lift the mood. Instead, it was all he could do to hold back his tears as he let out a sniffle.

---

Calida

Her body filled with warmth as she felt him press against her. Grendel was right, who knows what would have happened if Ludko hadn’t noticed her disappearance. After the way she snapped at him and avoided him, Ludko still cared about her. Now the guilt really began to pile on, especially when the male began to apologize to her. Hearing him talk about her dying made her realize how close she came to it. How could she let herself get to this point? Hearing his sniffles caused her heart to shatter.

She slightly and very slowly shook her head before barely pushing out the words, “Don’t apologize. You were worried about me, you tried to help, and I pushed you away… I’m sorry, Ludko…” Her eyes began to water and small tears balled up at the corners of her eyes. “I don’t deserve someone like you, I really don’t…” she whimpered as she laid her head on his arm.

---

Ludko

Ludko sniffled again, helpless as his emotions washed over him. But this time he let out a small and quick laugh. Didn’t deserve him? Who cared about that?

Without thinking, he bent his head so he could lick away her forming tears as her own head rested on his foreleg. His smile was gentle and warm as he gave her affectionate licks on her forehead and ears as well.

“Calida, you saved my life. You stayed with me, and helped me while my scars were healing after we lost the old territory. Not that I care much about us deserving each other’s company, but if I did, I’m pretty sure I owe you this much.”

He continued to lick her, gently using his teeth to work out what matted knots he could from the fur he could reach without moving. The orange wolf ignored how much of her fur was falling out. All that mattered was that she was alive.

“But if you’re that worried about deserving me,” he continued from earlier, a humorous glint in his eyes, “You’ll eat that rabbit that Grendel’s going to bring back. All of it. And then start taking care of yourself from now on! I don’t know what’s wrong, and . . . and you don’t have to tell me, but . . . if you want to deserve me then you’re not allowed to disappear.” 

---

Calida

Calida’s stomach tightened at the thought of eating, but she knew she would have to force herself, especially since Ludko would be there. She just hoped that she would not get nauseas like the other times she attempted to eat something. “Alright, I’ll try,” she huffed.

After a moment of silence, she spoke up. “The reason that I’ve fallen into such a horrid state is because I can’t sleep, and I can’t sleep because every time I try, i’m haunted by horrible nightmares. I wake up exhausted and that has an effect on everything else. I’m too tired to have any sort of appetite, or the motivation to even clean my coat, and my body can’t keep up with the physical demand of a chase to catch prey.” The she-wolf’s breath became more laboured, even speaking for long period was too energy-consuming for the female’s tired body. She took a deep breath before pushing out the sentence, “If only the nightmares went away, then everything would be better.”

---

Ludko

The brandr smiled at her promise to eat. He could tell from the look on her face that it didn’t appeal to her, but at least she would try.

As they sat in silence for a mere moment, Ludko was surprised when she spoke again. Nightmares? He’d always known that the sandy she-wolf had been plagued by them, but he never imagined they’d cause her to waste away to such a state.

Gently he nuzzled her face as she finished, and stood. However, before she could question him, he simply shifted his position, pressing against her back and allowing her to rest her head on his flank. The red wolf began to groom her again, hoping to soothe her. Even though he tried, he couldn’t stop himself from expressing his exasperation.

“I really wish you didn’t try to hide all of this,” he grumbled. “You know, I woulda flopped all over you till those nightmares went away! Walked with you to the river and back again a million times!”

Humor glinted in his leafy green eyes as he continued to gently groom Calida’s pelt. “I’m just saying, Calida, you don’t have to face these things by yourself. The skuld is here for you, Calida. I’m here for you . . .”

Ludko paused, suddenly feeling slightly awkward. However, he reiterated, “You’re one of the closest wolves to me, Calida. You’re not allowed to disappear.”

A silence ensued as the brandr felt as though the words were out of character for him. It wasn’t as though he didn’t meant them, they just felt so . . . serious. Swallowing, Ludko continued in his grooming, hoping Grendel would reappear with the rabbit soon.

---

Grendel

Truth be told, the grey male probably took longer in catching that rabbit that he would’ve really needed. Well, it was a fact, that he wanted to make sure to catch a nice, big, fat one for Calida, because the she-wolf needed all the extra nutritions she could get, but maybe he also idled a little bit in his mission, hoping to give Calida and Ludko some time to talk privately, because he very much had the feeling they needed that just as much as Calida needed medical attention. The health of the spirit, after all, was as important as that of the body.

A few years ago he probably would’ve laughed at that idea, but by now, well, a wolf was always open to develope and to change his mind and Grendel had had to admit, that maybe he had been a bit too narrow minded and that thanks to Lore, he had learned to walk the forest with eyes more open than they had been before. And what they saw was that these two, Ludko and Calida, needed each other probably more than they knew.

“Ah, did I just hear you two chuckling? Now that’s a good sign.” Grendel eventually spoke up, when he approached the pair, a smirk on his lips as he placed the bunny in front of Calida, “Here, open the vein and drink the blood while it’s still warm.” he ordered, “You need it and afterwards you’ll eat that bunny in small portions, Ludko, it’s your duty to make sure she neither eats too less nor too much - the last we need is you upsetting your stomach.” he said to Cailda, while plopping down on his backside beside them, motioning with a paw for the she-wolf to go on with a glance that said in gentle pressure “Do it or I’ll make you.”

---

Calida

Ludko’s words made her heart swell, he had always been there for her, and she vowed that from now on she would always be there for him too. “Don’t worry, I won’t…” she whined. She slowly closed her eyes and nuzzled her cheek into his soft fur, and let out a sigh that seemed to take along with it all of the guilt she had been carrying.

A few moments passed and Calida’s green eyes shot open at the sound of Grendel’s voice. The weak smile that tugged on her lips vanished once she caught sight of the rabbit Grendel brought for her. Her eyes widened with shock, did he expect her to eat the whole thing? The she-wolf’s stomach seemed to disappear once he plopped it down in front of her. She continued to stare at him once he finished giving her instructions on how to devour the prey, but by the look that he gave her, she knew there was no more delaying this.

She pulled her ears back and leaned in to bite open the vein that immediately started to ooze blood. Not wanting to upset the witch-doctor, she began lapping up the warm, bitter liquid. She huffed through her nose and tightly shut her eyes to concentrate on trying not to gag. After about a minute of this, she relaxed, assuming that the worst part was over, but immediately she began to dry heave. But she was not going to let all the progress made so far go to waste, so she took a deep breath and returned to the rabbit. After what seemed like an eternity, she finished drinking as much of the crimson liquid as she could, but she still had to make sure to not move too much, or else the nausea would set in again.  

---

Ludko

He relished as she nuzzled into his cheek. It made him feel as though everything was going to be okay, and that all their fighting was over. The orange wolf had her warmth back and she was going to work on being okay again, and that meant more to him than anything.

Ludko smiled cheerily at Grendel as he arrived, rabbit in tow. However, he glanced worriedly at Calida, as he sensed the she-wolf hesitate. She really didn’t want to eat. But she had to. Because she had to get better.

“I will.” The brandr vowed solemnly in response to the witch-doctor. He tensed as Calida opened a vein and began to drink, immediately curling around her and lapping at her ears as she heaved.

“It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.” He murmured soothingly, continuing to lap at her ears.

“Small bites, Calida,” Ludko gently encouraged as she finished drinking. “If you eat then I’ll make sure to sleep next to you all night so the nightmares don’t come.” His tongue rasped over her ear.

“And if you eat and the nightmares still come even with me there, then I’ll chase them away.” He promised, licking her cheek. Ludko continued telling her all the things he promised to do with each bite he hoped she would take, nuzzling and licking her to comfort her through the ordeal of eating.

---

Grendel

The grey wolf watched Calida carefully, when she hesitatingly began to drink the blood of the rabbit. It was clear to see she was struggling and Grendel hardly could blame her. She had tortured herself for so long and just because she finally realized she had been close to killing herself and was now willing to try escape the hole she had fallen into, didn’t mean it’d make it any easier or quicker.

When she she-wolf gagged, Grendel’s ears folded back. That was a bad sign, but Calida pushed through with the help of Ludko, eventually finishing her more forced than voluntary meal.
“Very good.” the witch-doctor said approvingly, a little smile on his lips, “I know it’ll be hard for you, but you need to force yourself to begin eating properly again. Tiny, slow steps, but every meal that stays where it should be will be a step into the right direction. After all none of us wants you to fade away completely, I hope you know that now?” he said softly, his gaze briefly wandering to Ludko, giving a little nod at the other male in assurance that he was doing great, “Ludko will care for you, I have no doubt, but promise me you’ll also let him, okay?” he said returning his attention to Calida, yellow eyes more firm again.

---

Calida

Calida found the witch doctor’s words to be quite uplifting. After putting so much energy into caring for the pack, it felt nice to be reminded that the pack cared for her too.
She nodded and with a weak, but genuine, smile said, “I will, I promise,” and with those words spoken, the she-wolf decided it was time to head back to the Starheim. Slowly she lifted herself on shaky cream legs, but that was all she could do on her own. She relied on Ludko to help support her weak body back to the den site, which wasn’t too far, but it didn’t feel like that to Calida. Once they had finally made it to Starheim’s entrance, Calida turned her attention towards both males.  
“I do not think I will ever be able to thank you two enough for what you have done for me today. If it were not for you two, I would have been a scavenger's next meal. Thank you, Ludko, for keeping an eye on me, who knows when someone else would have found me, it most likely would have been too late. Also, thank you, Grendel, if it were not for your care and knowledge, I would have still been lying unconscious in The Weald.” She hoped her words showed how much she truly appreciated what the males had done for her.
She then entered Starheim, its familiar glow lighting up her and Ludko’s head and back.
“Oh!” she barked as she turned her head back towards the gray wolf, “and congratulations on becoming Fellfang’s Aldinwitch, we couldn’t be prouder.” After giving a small smile and a wink, she continued back towards her den.

With a loud thump she laid down on her side, legs sprawled out and chest lifting up and down from her heavy breathing. “I can’t wait till that rabbit starts to kick in,” she said with a lighthearted tone. Once Ludko laid down beside her, she shifted her position and burrowed her head into his chest, allowing his familiar scent to fill her nostrils. Her wagging tail repeatedly thumped against the floor as she snuggled up against her pack-mate, she hadn’t been this happy and at peace in a long time. She remained silent, but her body language and the energy that emitted from her said everything. She had a special place in her heart for this wolf, he meant so much to her. For the first time in months, Calida slept peacefully, without a nightmare to wake her, and with her best-friend by her side.