FFM 2018 Day 20: It Was Only a Nightmare

       The man you love wakes up screaming.  At first, it is only noise, but then he spins a tale with words that don’t connect, something of death and terror and a hurt that has hollowed him out.  He is sorry, so sorry, and he knows it changes nothing and he can never fix what he’s done and he doesn't deserve that chance but the guilt is the only thing in his head anymore and he’s so so so sorry-

       And when you manage to reach his ears and meet his drowning gaze, you’re not really there.  You’re a dream, an illusion, a trick to lure him into what must be another nightmare.  Or ghosts do exist, and you’ve come for him, you’ve come to teach him a lesson.  Or he’s lost it, finally, he’s hallucinating, because first he lost everything that mattered and then everything that didn’t and now his pathetic existence is all he’s got left to lose and every second he keeps it it hurts worse than the last so just take it already-

       You pull him close and guide his head to your shoulder.  One hand running fingers through his hair, the other moving up and down his back, you whisper reminders of reality in his ear, and tell him the reasons you love him.  He shakes like you just fished him out of Arctic waters, but you have warmth and strength and life, you’re alive, and as those words form over and over on his lips, he eases into your grip.  You wipe the tear streaks from his face and press a kiss to his temple, feeling the pulse there grow steady.

       He starts to apologize, but you hush him.  It’s not his fault, and anyway, the giggly ramblings and nonsensical conversations his sleeping mind usually provides more than make up for nights like these.  He smiles, and then you curl up together, to rest without dreams.