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Literature Text
we rose high
on crumpled paper wings,
tossed through the currents
like weathered dolls.
sealed within a transparent cage,
living each perilous moment at its mercy-
and still, we thought
we were free.
on crumpled paper wings,
tossed through the currents
like weathered dolls.
sealed within a transparent cage,
living each perilous moment at its mercy-
and still, we thought
we were free.
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This piece is to do with my drug addiction and eating disorder and how my friends and I fed off one another and created a sense of peace in our mutual destruction. Also I was attempting to bring to attention how having people around you to make you feel okay with behaviours is especially damaging.
Does the feeling/imagery in this piece feel consistent?
Does the meaning behind it come through in the piece?
Does the format work for the piece? The short/straight to the point approach? Do you think it requires greater elaboration?
fav.me/d99m86c
twr critique
Does the feeling/imagery in this piece feel consistent?
Does the meaning behind it come through in the piece?
Does the format work for the piece? The short/straight to the point approach? Do you think it requires greater elaboration?
fav.me/d99m86c
twr critique
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Comments12
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I like the title, because it suggests mystery: Why weren't they free? Why did they think they were? And the strong imagery of the first two lines caught my attention, so I felt intrigued enough to read on.
I think the first four lines perfectly describe the excitement and chaos of drug addiction, which I have also experienced.
The feeling of the story doesn't quite feel consistent to me, though, because I'm not sure how the ones with wings felt free if they knew they were in a transparent cage.
However, I personally felt like I was free when I was still new to using drugs, even though I later realized that I wasn't, so the overall concept of this piece makes sense to me.
Also, I like the short format.
Overall, nice work.
I think the first four lines perfectly describe the excitement and chaos of drug addiction, which I have also experienced.
The feeling of the story doesn't quite feel consistent to me, though, because I'm not sure how the ones with wings felt free if they knew they were in a transparent cage.
However, I personally felt like I was free when I was still new to using drugs, even though I later realized that I wasn't, so the overall concept of this piece makes sense to me.
Also, I like the short format.
Overall, nice work.